Peak Guardian: My partner is non-binary. I’m worried the lack of traditional gender roles is affecting our sex life

[RoyalCorgi]

I know. We've had many peak Guardians, and there will probably be many more.

Still, for now, I'm finding it hard to see how they will top this piece of lunacy from Pamela Stephenson Connolly's column.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/may/27/is-the-lack-of-a-feminine-masculine-dynamic-with-my-non-binary-partner-hindering-our-sex-life

And they are both women presumably? Since she says she usually dates women, so her non binary partner is probably also a woman. So what traditional gender roles is she looking for?
And if she does want a masc woman why is she dating someone who presumably isn't? Or is she disappointed that the non binaryness didn't result in her girlfriend being more masc?
what a load of navel gazing nonsense basically

I was dreading the reply that PSC would make to this daft reader-issue. But in fact it was quite sensible. She pretty much sidelined the 'gender identity issue' and spoke of all the other, less ideological and stereotyping factors that might cause a sex life to become less satisfying. Basically urging the person to just respond and attend to the individuality of their partner, not to ruminations about gender roles

When I read this sort of rubbish I just think ‘you need a bigger problem.’ People are dying in Gaza and all over the place-I find all this navel gazing nauseating.

But didn't you know that the white, university-educated, Guardian-reading class are the Most Oppressed of All?

In their own addled little brains they are. I’m a white, university educated, middle class professional.
But I really can’t be doing with The Guardian.

🤣

I hear my grandmother rolling her eyes and saying 'what that lassie needs is a wean, she's got too much time on her haun's, makin' up worries to ha'e!'

Calling it naval gazing is literal violence.

‘Although they were both in good health and of unexceptional figure, Tony and Brenda were on a diet. It gave an interest to their meals.’

• Evelyn Waugh calling out this kind of overprivileged bullshit back in 1934.

‘You are sick of prosperity and indulgence. Cannot you invent a few hardships for yourself?’

• Jane Austen calling out this kind of overprivileged bullshit back in 1815.

Yet more confirmation, if needed, of Jane Austen's genius. The woman was absolutely spot on in her understanding of human nature.

Also, I love your username.

Jane Austen is the queen of the raised eyebrow - I suspect her and JKR would have got on like a house on fire.

Also relevant to all the TRA nonsense - ‘Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition’ 😂

Love this.

😂

Absolutely brilliant.

Why doesnt she just accepted her partner for who they are?

How non-binary-phobic.

Facepalm.

This whole thread is chef's kiss.🙂

OMG these people are so confused. "Gender roles" can be adhered to or broken by anyone - even (horrors) people who aren't LGBTQ+++! Only super-old-fashioned sexists and regressive gender ideologues "expect" people "to have a specific role" based on either their sex or their me-me-me gender identity announcements.

Whether her partner is male or female, gay or straight, there is nothing about any of that that means they should have a traditional masculine or feminine role. But she thinks them announcing they're "non-binary" is what makes all the difference.

First of all KnitFastDieWarm - what brilliant quotes you have unearthed!
Maybe you could edit a little book of 'Jane Austen for GCs'?😃

Secondly - I agree with PlasticAcrobat that the reply was very sensible and jargon-free.

Thirdly - it's 2025, and somebody who probably thinks of themselves as edgy and modern and despises us old dinosaurs, is concerned about the 'absence of a strong feminine/masculine dynamic'. In 2025..🙄

'GC in the streets, and GC in the sheets', that's my motto

Yes she was very straight up and made clear it was a total red herring. She might as well have said "Non-binary, non-schminary" but she was politer than that.

I think "non-binary, non-schminary" is going to be my new default response to this nonsense.

I thought that the most hilarious thing about the letter was the key bit of information that was omitted. Her previous relationships had been with women, but the new partner was non-binary. What I wanted to know was: would that be a non-binary woman, or a non-binary man?