Thank you

[Nomorebullshitnotavailable]

5 years ago I listened to BBC Radio 2 tell me that I should not refer to myself as a breastfeeding mother but rather a chest feeding birthing person. As a mother of a 6 month old at the time, who had battled with a latch and was proud for breastfeeding, I was outraged. This was the first I had heard of this.

I searched online for “anti trans” protests - surely this must be being fought in the public forum? Nothing. I found my way to Mr Menno - I wasn’t going mad!!

I left another prominent parent website and discovered Mumsnet. I found this forum. I have lurked and read and soaked up information.

My now 5 year old daughter is in a special school. She has autism, SPD, ARFID, is non verbal and requires personal care.

As part of her EHCP, her specialist nursery were asked “does the child identify with the gender they were born with?”. Armed with the information from this forum I logged a complaint with my LA and the question has been removed from this form.

On visiting each school prior to my daughter joining I asked if they had read, absorbed and agreed with the interim Cass Review.

At work, after returning from maternity leave, I was told that a man is now a woman and he is working towards surgery. Knowing my rights under the Maya Forstater case, without being rude, I did not hide my views from my team (while being perfectly pleasant to him).

After the Supreme Court clarification of the EQA2010, I have asked my daughter’s school if they will abide by my request for single sex care as she moves through the school.

My oldest friend asked me why I didn’t believe in gendered souls and asked if I didn’t agree with gay people. I had done my research, gave my argument, to which she said “But that means any bloke in a skirt can walk into the womens toilets?!”

My mother, from whom I learned feminism and what it means, could not understand why I was so incensed. Could not understand why I did not want my daughter to be exposed to males in the changing room. She is coming around!

To all the wonderful women here, thank you. Thank you for arming me with simple facts, for organising my thoughts, for keeping me up to date. Thank you for the wisdom, the clarity, the outlet for getting away from it all (even as a lurker!).

Oh god I’m doing that thing where the thread is taken up with the OPs posts 🤦‍♀️ but I’m so grateful for the first lot of support I’ve had outside my house in this. Thank you.

We've stood up for what's right, and we'll continue to do so.

I'm in awe of you OP. I'm still trying to convince my friends and my DD that men don't belong in women's spaces.

It's a slog, isn't it. I'm still reeling from the awful trans demo I saw just after the SC ruling. Nasty.

What an inspiration you are OP!

Ironically I was run off mumsnet about 10 years ago for complaining about not-quite-teen boys in the ladies changing at the swimming pool and swore off the place. So when I heard a Radio 4 article about men in women's spaces I was outraged but didn't have anywhere to go and I couldn't find anyone IRL who would engage in a conversation about it. So it was February this year when I accidentally clicked on the top link in Active which was the Sandie Peggie thread and was peaked by the vipers here. Maybe you have been a lurker but you're a proper IRL veteran - so impressive you've challenged your LA and schools.

I remember thinking about 4 years ago that surely it would all be gone by the time my kids started school.

i kept talking about it, on and and on and on (I’m also autistic so people unfortunately just get used to my “special interests”) and yet no one was paying attention.

5 years on from when I first became aware that this was even a thing (woefully late to the party) and I don’t care what names they call me. They don’t mean anything anymore. I don’t care if you give me the glazed look, I’ll carry on talking and I’ll show you the stats. Call me a bigot and I’ll ask you why you have a problem with safeguarding, women’s and gay rights.

I just don’t care what you think about me because I’m here for my kids.

This has actually made me weep (it’s been a hard day!), thank you ❤️

You're fantastic, op, you're a proper grassroots activist and you haven't just helped and advocated for your DD, but also for all the other children using the same clinical and educational settings as she is.

I’ve said this so many times on this thread but it means so much to have this kind of support, thank you.

Brava OP. 👏 you have made such a positive impact. I'm in awe of all of us from all walks of life, chipping away and changing the course of history. Magnificent! xx

You've done loads OP. You should feel pleased with your contribution.

I suspect that some people feel that if they can only make a small contribution then it isn't worth making. That's not true, every little helps.

The people who reacted like this to hearing of your daughters’ needs are evil.

I had family members with a similar situation - adopted daughters with a terrible history of neglect and sexual abuse and additional needs as a result. The whole family rightly revolved around their welfare and attempting to heal.

They have grown up to be amazing adults but having heard the stories of their horrendous childhoods I can’t imagine anyone wanting to deny them the support they need through no fault of their own and to accuse you of ‘weaponising their trauma’ in relation to your girls is beyond the pale.

Just when I thought I’d heard the worst, another one like this pops up.

I hope the people in here cheering on this evil abuse are proud of themselves. This is ultimately what they pat themselves on the back for.

Ps Great on the ground work OP - you have achieved a lot already and it sounds like you’re just warming up!

Thank you to you.

Well done @Nomorebullshitnotavailable

Well done @Nomorebullshitnotavailable - you are doing a sterling job.

Just a reminder to everyone on this thread it's really important that everyone completes the consultation on the new EHRC guidelines by 30th June to add weight to the support that the new guidance is correct, and balances the equal rights of trans people and women well.

You can just google "EHRC Consultation" which takes you to a page where you can read the proposed changes. To complete the consultation click on the link that says "Before you respond to the consultation or provide feedback on this chapter, read our information about the consultation" and on that page there's a "fill in the survey" link as well as an email address and phone number

Jusr to say I hate the term birthing.
Isn't that what you do to boats?

Reading throught the consultation guidance and couldn't help but chuckle at the example given for sex discrimination by deception. Oh how the times are changing!

Example
4.1.3 A trans woman is a member of an association and applies to become treasurer, but her application is rejected. She is told by the Chairman that this is because they want a man to take the role on as they do not think a woman could do the job as well. This is less favourable treatment because of sex. The trans woman would have a claim for direct discrimination because of her perceived sex as a woman. The fact that she is not a woman under the Equality Act 2010 would not prevent her bringing this claim of sex discrimination.

Oops Freudian slip discrimination by perception that should say!

Your voice is strong and powerful, standing up for your daughter, and thus for many other girls and women, too.

Thank you, OP.

Berthing.

Sorry. Pedantry dies hard.

Yes.

And 'weaponising trauma'? Fuck yes. I will weaponise every fucking trauma I have suffered in an attempt to make sure my daughter doesn't suffer it.

But this is absolutely the point that the TRAs have missed! TransWomen are covered by sex discrimination as women in certain circumstances. Doh!

ETA clarification

It's such a delightful example. I wonder if there was ever such a scenario would the Transwoman fall back to their Male privilege and demand to be treated as Male.

I think this may mean that all service providers will be obliged to provide at least one unisex option alongside any single sex option, because a transwoman might be excluded from a men's single-sex option due to being perceived as female and excluded from the women's single-sex option due to being actually as male, so would be discriminated against if there isn't a unisex option. IIRC I think the draft EHRC guidance suggests that small scale providers can take into account whether other nearby providers have a unisex provision, rather than obliging all providers to start having 3 options.

Brava Brava OP 👏 and thank you!

What a wonderful and inspiring post.

I too arrived on Mumsnet via reading JKR