Another ex Quaker here. I´m in two minds about the toilet thing that was written about in the Telegraph. Some Quakers who are now in their 60s and 70s will remember Young Friends gatherings where we all slept on the meeting house floor together as teenagers, regardless of sex. So the toilet thing might not feel threatening to them, more nostalgic.
It's more worrying that not-a-few Friends have "transed" their teenage children and I think that is one reason for this policy. They may have been on the fringes of Quakerism before but once their children become trans their have upped their commitment to the Society. Working class girls who are gender non conforming might be encouraged to play football, aspire to join the police or (horrors of horrors) the forces. But none of these are Quakerly things whereas being a teenage trans activist is. Hopefully this will change as the trans craze declines. But for the moment its a case of the situation that Helen Joyce described which is that the people who have transed their children will be the last to give it up. And that applies to the Quaker Body as a whole as well as individual parents.
Given that these trans Young Friends exist, have been enabled by Friends and feel safety in the Society, is it right to suddenly take that safety away from them? Many of them feel pretty hunted right now because the trans paradise they looked forward a few years ago isn't emerging. And maybe Young Friends is a better place for them than some trans youth clubs out there.
One of the things non-Quakers don't understand about Quakers is that, although they have a strong sense of justice, its limited to certain issues. They often find interpersonal things difficult. So it will be hard for many Friends to understand that trans is not the new gay and talking about things such as AGPs and top surgery will make them feel uncomfortable (much harder than using a unisex toilet!). Even as a child I was aware that many people attracted to Quakers were what we would now call neurodiverse.
They might change their mind if they are challenged by a detransitioner who says they hacked off body parts as a result of being encouraged to come out as trans at Quaker Summer School.
As some others have said this is related to the tension between God and secularism in Quakers. This isn't a new thing. Quakers have a historic pendulum on this, but now its extreme. You can use any toilet you want but heaven forbid you should recycle something in the wrong bin!