How open are you about your views?

[Corneliusthecamel]

Hi everyone,

Just wondering how open/public everybody is about their views on a day to day basis?

This has become a bit of a source of conflict between my partner & I (both women) recently - my partner feels strongly about inclusivity, fully supports trans people, etc. My stance is much more gender critical. This is not a massive problem because we respect each other and basically just agree to disagree, it’s not a deal breaker. Regardless, it is nice that I can be open and we can have these insightful discussions.

But it’s got me thinking - I don’t think I could be so open about my thoughts in other areas of life. For instance at work, I would probably be pulled up on my views of gender (NHS - matron), and many colleagues have said that they are disappointed about the recent Supreme Court ruling. Same with friends. What in the situation for others?

Most of my friends and family know that I know men aren't women, or vice versa. But they also know that I have no problem with how people dress; so they do realise I don't think trans identified people shouldn't exist.

I am open socially. Not so open at my current job, as some colleagues are super pro-trans and are influential and senior. And it never comes up in relation to my work. I would promote the legal, sex realist position if I needed to. Though tbf, all work documents and practice I have seen comply with the Equality Act (sex not gender etc).

I'm not open with friends apart from ones I already know are GC, the rest are either in the be kind camp or are trans/trans family members themselves so I keep my mouth shut. I hate conflict with friends.
I've had a few arguments with my brother but we seem to have mutually agreed to avoid the subject.

At work I don't need to keep my views to myself because everyone is pretty much in agreement (mostly male workplace, and not the gender woo type of men) and we've talked a few times at the coffee table.

Professional services in a Russell Group Uni - section utterly captured. Inclusivity is trans and neuro diversity not any of the other protected characteristics. I'm not out at work but I appear to be the only person in the University who wears a plain non rainbow lanyard and doesn't use signature pronouns. I think Universities should be neutral spaces where views are debated not vehicles for nonsense. Post SC ruling there were section emails decrying the transphobic judgment and social media spouting by managers. Then clearly the Senior Management got wind and were afraid of litigation as a respect sex and gender reassignment PC email went forth.

Someday this madness will end!!!

I think this is such a great response, and I must admit I tailor the robustness of my disagreement to the friendship.

I was hiking with a friend on Saturday and we debated this (both have debated competitively!) - and I did check in afterwards that the friendship was OK, but even as we were talking it became clear to me how it is so divisive. Only one side has rational thought on their side, so people are so easily confronted with trying to defend the illogical as well as the indefensible. They end up feeling foolish then angry

I’m mostly pretty open, but not where someone is obviously TWAW. Most of my close (and some less so) work colleagues and friends are aware.

With social media, I am “out” on LinkedIn and Twix, but generally silent on Facebook.

It would be lovely to be able to openly discuss this, even where opinions differ, but the risk of fallout is too great. I’ve already lost family members who have rejected me as a bigot. My line manager and the big boss at the top of my (civil service) organisation both have he/him in their email signature, so I don’t discuss it with them either.

After being cut off by a long term friend for daring to express views of a terfy nature I'm very careful these days and wait for a sign from the other that they are of a similar persuasion. I introduce the topic in a neutral way and see how they react first. Not going through that experience again.

I had a fantastic conversation with a fellow TERF at work the other day about the SC clarification. My family and friends are well aware of my views.

Like you, @Corneliusthecamel, I have to be a little more careful about my GC views because of my job (HCP). My friends know but I don't discuss at work or on SM. I don't use SM anyway, easier not to.

One of the things about my job is that I care for people regardless of their circumstances and my personal beliefs are replaced with professional values and behaviours when the uniform goes on, as per my registration. Mostly my the two align but not always, sometimes this is upsetting or frustrating, but that's life. Some people don't seem to be able to grasp that it's possible though, that professionals can do their jobs effectively without their personal beliefs affecting their ability.

It is interesting to read that those with siblings are starting to be more honest about their experience.

I think it does give you licence to be more blunt in a way because you have not got that 'well you don't know anyone' thing to deal with and you have a certain level of authority on the subject that others don't.

I found it hard to speak about at first because I almost wasn't 'allowed' because of the be kind stuff and the whole stigma that you must be unaccepting / homophobic etc etc but ultimately I get fed up it cos it's bollocks and because the facade on that has started to crack due to the unreasonable behaviour of activists and this being more visible.

But on the whole my experience is that others are starting to bring up the subject unprompted without knowing my situation. Once they know where I stand they will talk about it. I totally get the family member having a chilling effect on conversations though from others. That just makes me more determined to talk about it to make the point that family relations are not allowed sweetness and affirmation not should they be. It's important relatives do.

I am polite but straightforward, not contemptous or personal

I tend to use the strategy of asking logical questions or pointing out a fallacy in the ideology rather than going off on a rant. I can also back up comments with evidence and cases, but restrain myself from saying too much at once.

I am anonymous on social media for a variety of reasons, not just being gender critical, but try and hold to my personal standards in all my posts

I'm open but it isn't a topic I focus on much so it rarely comes up.

Open in my family and pretty much everyone is 100% GC so no worries; toasted the GC ruling last family gathering etc.

Friends not really open. I used to think I'd be careful but now I think I'd find it very hard to not be honest but think that some would be bekind as they are about most things. I should phrase it as being pro women.

At a work 1-1 training this was brought up by the other trainee twice. Both turned out to have GC views; both were women.

I think it does give you licence to be more blunt in a way because you have not got that 'well you don't know anyone' thing to deal with and you have a certain level of authority on the subject that others don't.

I agree Red, I think I am given some slack by my 'be kind' friends because I have lived through a brother 'transitioning'. I have seen the damage up close, damage to him and to the family. I am blunt to those friends about this topic and they are especially taken aback because of the soup BBC / Guardian / social media has cooked them in. They aren't used to hearing the bald truth.

I am visiting a friend next weekend who in the past has told me she thinks a transwoman should be allowed to run a rape crisis centre. That conversation was truncated because of outside forces. I will be blunt if the topic comes up again.

I'm completely open.

Family and friends know I'm GC.

Openly GC at work (nobody seems interested in the issue but I bring things up occasionally)

GC on Twitter and Facebook. My profiles use my real name.

Last time I went to the hairdressers, she asked how I was so I said that I'd just had a lovely holiday and it had been a great couple of weeks for women's rights.

I often wear a Terfy tshirt if I'm not at work.

Pretty vocal everywhere except work.

I’m sure a lot of people think I’m unkind and a bigot, however I don’t give a flying fuck

Socially: very open about it (and most people seem to agree).
At work: it never came up, other than with colleagues who were friends and they knew what I thought. I missed the chance to make a comment when an external trainer talked about 'pregnant people', but as I wondered how to tackle it a kick-ass woman (ex-forces) said, 'So if a pregnant WOMAN were to...'
On SM: I don't do politics on SM. I'm only FB, and I use it for hobbies and interests and to keep in contact with friends and relatives I rarely see (because they inconveniently live thousands of miles away).

Completely and unashamedly open. Self employed and financially secure so, if not me, then who?

Plus, we're right about this. I couldn't keep quiet, and look myself in the mirror. It surprises me sometimes this is the hill, but here we are.

My changed username should give you some idea. I have only one friend that I can be gender critical with, sadly. All of my family are TWAW and include two TW.

At work it would be suicide to be open about it but I'm fairly sure my manager and two others are gender critical.

It's worse even than not being able to talk about being gender critical openly though. I'm also scared to put my name next to these beliefs. The petition against self ID a few days ago, I didn't sign because it required my name and other identifying details. I'm genuinely scared that could get into the wrong hands and come back to haunt me. That is how the transgender fight has been advanced so far, make people scared to declare reality. Feels like an extreme form of gaslighting to me.

I'm open and have been for a long time. I am known to be an awkward sod generally.

It has not served me well professionally/careerwise (Health/education) but I can deal with that. Morally, I will not comply with promoting something that harms children and young people. I will not have my speech compelled.

I'm lucky that I have enough financial security not to have to shut up, that I can take the damage.

I'm angry about it though.