Why I stopped using they/them pronouns after 13 years

[Tootsweets23]

i thought this is a very well-written post by a woman who used to identify as non-binary. Her experiences with binding and testosterone included a trapped nerve and a psychotic episode.

Special ire for the hairdresser who told her she would look ‘ugly’ with short hair.

https://open.substack.com/pub/kier/p/why-i-stopped-using-they-them-pronouns

Thank you for sharing that here. Agree it is very well written! I see in the comments she’s said she supports the Cass Review.

That was a really interesting article. I was a gender non conforming feminist reaching adulthood in the 1980s and I was shocked when I had my daughter in 2002 at how entrenched sex stereotypes were. Clothes, toys, what our kids might be interested in. I was an older mother and younger mothers seemed to buy much more into these stereotypes. I do think a lot of trans ideology is a twisted version of gender non conformity. Instead of harmlessly rejecting gender stereotypes young women are rejecting their sex, taking testosterone and cutting off their breasts.

Thank you. That was interesting.
It's making me think about my transman family member, who's had 'top' surgery and been on testosterone etc for years now. What might happen if they realise they are their bio sex after all? I think if you've gone so far down that route it must be quite distressing if you want/need to 'change back'.
This author was lucky in that she didn't do anything too invasive.

I completely agree with this. I am in my 50s and I despair at what is happening for many young women. The pressure to conform to the glam, Instagram-ready version of womanhood. Or reject that and reject being a woman completely.

When I think back to the adult women I knew/ knew of as a child…my mum’s friends, neighbours, the masculine lesbians, the Greenham Common women. Women who were at the forefront of championing our rights. Where are similar women now under the age of 30?

I particularly liked this part on pronouns:

"Hear me out: maybe the best way to understand they/them pronouns, within the context of a pluralistic democracy, is as a subcultural norm, a way for LGBT people to show respect for one another within our community. That sense of belonging I felt when I first found queer spaces was profound, and if using gender-neutral pronouns gives someone that gift, I am all for it.

But I do wonder if we are setting people up for hardship when we tell them that they should hope for, expect, or insist on they/them pronouns being used by everyone they encounter, and that they will be emotionally injured every time this fails to happen. In my thirteen years, misgendering was rarely malicious, and yet it still fed into a wounded identity and a suspicious worldview."

So pronouns like a nickname, a code to show that you reject some stereotypes. I hope we'll be able to reach the youngest generations and make them understand that stereotypes can be rejected without damaging their bodies, and without destroying the principle that sex matters.