Pulled up at work for ‘trans views’

[wherearethemarsbars]

Recently, a colleague at my company has declared that they are ‘agender’ and asexual and has asked to be addressed as ‘they’. As a result, my company decided to arrange a trans training session where some trans people came in to talk to us all about gender and terminology etc etc.

During this session, I was asked to describe my experience of living as a ‘cis woman’. I said that I didn’t have any experience of living as a cis woman, only as a woman so I couldn’t comment. I was pressed further and didn’t say much, only that the term ‘cis woman’ doesn’t align with my personal beliefs of what a woman is, so therefore declined to comment any further.

A few days later, I was pulled up on this by management who said that my behaviour was not acceptable and that I should be making an effort to be inclusive to everyone. I’m a bit baffled. Can I get others’ thoughts on this topic?

You have done nothing wrong.

There is no such a thing as a 'cis woman'.

Email HR and point out the recent high court judgement and the law in general and that you don't quite understand why your behaviour was deemed 'unacceptable'.

This nonsense has to stop.

i would raise with them that by forcing you to accommodate someone’s batshit views, they are in turn discounting and invalidating yours which isnt very “inclusive”. I hate that companies are pandering to this crap

Had this happened recently? I'm amazed your employer hasn't seen the news? Bizarre.

No worries. I asked the questions without context.

It’s an almost impossible question to answer as it’s not clear how official the pulling up was. If it was a quiet word in passing, then asking for it to be put in writing might be an overreaction. Then again, it might not. I do think that ensuring that OP has clear evidence of what they are saying is important.

I’m not sure how relevant the SC ruling is here. This is obviously about formal and informal interactions in the workplace.

I don’t think there’s any doubt that OP had the right to say what she did. Her bosses are being unreasonable.

Weird, isn't it? Anyone 'trans' has to have their personal beliefs validated, but that you don't agree with/accept the term 'cis' is transphobic. I see it as entirely reasonable to say I don't accept that term, just as, if I were transwoman, I could say I don't accept the pronouns 'she/her' as they do not align with my personal beliefs about myself. It doesn't work like that and is going to take a while for this nonsense to wash out of public life/work life etc - a decade, I suspect.

This is wild to me. Be inclusive but how dare you not force the cis label on yourself to be inclusive. It's not inclusive if it's forcing you to use language that doesn't align with your beliefs

But you DID set an example for junior colleagues - just not the one your employer wanted you to!

You’re being told off for disagreeing with the training. They just want everyone to be nice corporate drones who unquestioningly swallow everything they’re told, even when what they’re being told is both illegal and stupid. They obviously haven’t got the memo that that era is now over. We’ve had 15 years of people making up social norms and law as it suits them and pretending it’s the truth and bullying us if we disagree. They are no longer going to get away with it.

I might also point out that the trainer assumed your gender identity without asking you. And that nobody should be forced to "out" their personal beliefs or identity in a work environment.

Write to them including everything that has happen so far.
Just be factual.

On X date this happened
On X date you verbally told me that ‘my behaviour was unacceptable’
Please could you clarify/detail/list the behaviour that was unacceptable?

I would be pointing out that I am happy to be inclusive but will not be describing myself in terms that go against my beliefs- beliefs which are also protected by law.

But only do this if you are willing to potentially have to take your employer to tribunal.

You may just have to brave it out, and wait until the guidance is released. Don't apologise, and stay strong and focused on what you know to be true. In time, and with the guidance recieved you'll be able to monitor how/if the culture shifts.

This.

I would be making that clear too that you consider their actions as bullying and harassment.

And trying to find another job.

I believe it was the Alison Bailey case where cis was brought up - Ben Cooper said she would not use it because of her GC views which are legally protected.

Oh please send this, it’s brilliant. (I’d be scared to do so though, which shows how deep rooted the problem is because this response is absolutely right).

I will absolutely not be called a cis anything!
My bloods boiling on your behalf op. Sounds like you dealt with it well too.
Yes, good idea from Puttinginthemiles

Slightly not the point of the thread, but why should someones sexual preferences, or lack thereof require inclusivity training? If Diane from accounts announced she liked dogging on the weekend would you all be expected to have some training?
The fact that the man wants everyone to call him 'they' strikes me as just attention seeking. But isn't it always about making sure everyone knows how special you are?

And the fact that a healthcare business is giving any time to accommodating the belief that humans can change sex....🙄

Oh, Sooo this👆

Do this. Summarise the discussion in writing and ask the key questions so they absolutely put it in writing. This a great opportunity to start fighting back against this crap (and well done for what you said in the training as well).

I very much like the idea of getting them to put their views in writing.

Once they've done that and assuming what you received is nonsense I'd ask them whether the person who set out their position is fully informed about:
Forstater vs Centre for Global Development Europe, decided by the Employment Appeal Tribunal, and
For Women Scotland vs the Scottish Ministers, decided by the Supreme Court.

Then wait to see if they come back with a more sophisticated position. Minimise what you say, make them do the running.

They were right!

So a colleague has decided they are Asexual and want to be called they and your company has thought “finally! Thank fuck we can show how inclusive we are”. Then they have proceeded to exclude you for not playing along? As suggested previously, explain that you are inclusive of TQ* but you are a woman and you haven’t labelled yourself cis, you don’t go around applying labels to people and you expect the same courtesy.

How?

I was asked what equality meant to me and I answered that it meant nothing to me and all the time I experience misogyny and have to listen to banter about my hidden disabilities I wouldn’t be tiptoeing around people with other protected characteristics because until equality reaches everyone it’s not equality at all.

The put in writing is a great idea. I would be interested for them to identify where in any legislation women are referred to as cis women.