I’m about to start a new job working with a TRA and I’m nervous

[abitnervousohbugger]

This person will not be my colleague as such as works for a different organisation, but I will be working closely with him. I have just looked at his social media (work profile) out of interest and he seems very much a trans rights activist. Which I don’t have a problem with at its core, I just don’t think they are the same as women’s rights. But he seems to think they are. Or rather, he clearly has no interest or sympathy with women’s rights.

Anyway. I don’t know why but I just feel worried and disappointed. This person is a big voice in my new area and I am very new and junior and weak. It makes me doubt myself. And it makes me angry that this self important bloke (he isn’t trans by the way) can make really loud opinions on social media, despite representing a small charity, but that my tiny little opinion that women should be able to access services without men however they identify would be perceived as vile and bigoted. I just feel like I’m constantly having to defend my brain from being brainwashed by gender ideology. I feel like I’ve stumbled onto the wrong planet sometimes. The people I used to agree with the most about fairness and equality and justice just hate women. Just fucking hate them.

Why would your opionion on trans rights come up in the workplace? Can you not just treat him like anyone else?

I’d be really surprised if it did come up. I have no intention of treating him differently to anyone else. But his arguments are misogynistic and that makes me uncomfortable.

By the way - he is posting these views all over SM, it would never have occurred to me to seek out what his thoughts were in this regard. But he is quite aggressive online.

Absolutely honestly? I would look for a way not to work with him, and if that isn't possible I would look for a new job. You won't change his mind and you will be stressed beyond belief trying to second-guess everything you ever say or do. That is the effect that this poisonous ideology has on organisations.

I would be concerned too.
i would aim to try and keep doing my job to the best of my ability and certainly would not aim to provoke in anyway.
i would be worried though that TRA’s are quite adept at noticing individuals who don’t believe and that would then lead to active pursuit and attempts to get me to state my position. Which then would require advanced level grey stoning to avoid it all blowing up. I would be able to keep my mouth shut professionally, though it would offend my integrity but I’m not sure a TRA would respond similarly.

I wouldn't look for a new job but would try to minimise interaction if possible.

I would be starting a diary on day one, noting every single thing he says which suggests that he does not respect the sex based rights of women and LGB people

Islam is protected belief, and I suspect that being a TRA (in general terms) is protected. But, I also suspect that certain aspects of both Islam ("FGM is good, gay men should be in prison or killed") or TRA ("we need to end the sex based rights of women and LGB people") are not WORIADS and there is no more reason that you should be forced to listen to someone telling you that women don't deserve rights, than a gay man should be forced to tolerate a muslim colleague telling him homosexuality is illegal, and he will go to hell and should go to prison.

Will your job involve working with him on neutral activities (i.e. not related to single-sex setrvices or whatever)? If so, can't you just keep your head down and minimise commumication with him? After all, you probably wouldn't discuss your voting intentions with him or your religious beliefs so why would you discuss this? Having said that, I do sympathise with you. This stuff is a minefield.

I work with many TRAs ( they are all straight women being kind) and they all think I am one of them. I don't air my GC views or religious views in the workplace. There may come a time when I will, but not now.

In the charities sector you will need to have your game face well primed on this if you want your career to survive. Be prepared with a clean exit route out of this job if you need it. These men are baying for blood right now and if you are vulnerable they will find you and destroy you. Clean up your social media, and don’t say anything remotely about women’s rights to anyone. At least not while this guy is in a senior position to you.

Look, jobs are just jobs. Leave your true ‘self’ at home and play the game so you can make your living. I know it’s not fair - it never is. This man gets to bring his whole misogynistic self to work and flaunt his hatred of women all over the internet and you need to watch every word you say if you want to feed yourself. It’s just reality, you need to learn to play the game - not just on this issue either. I learned far too late and I’m still hopeless at it and my career is totally rubbish as a result.

Maya Forstater gave a word of caution like this in a recent interview and it surprised me but I also appreciated her realism and her understanding that not everyone can afford the risk to do what she did, even now. So unless you have a trust fund, or a very good plan C, just put your head down, watch, listen and say as little as possible.

The only people I've ever talked politics with at work were very very good friends. Politics have no place at work. Neither does religion.

Definitely clean up your social media.

Why are you going to have to be the one who worries about this?

You say you're junior but does he have the power to fire you or make your working life impossible? Doesn't sound like it. And no-one could do either without due process or pushback. Are you not wanting to be assertive or in conflict with him? I don't minimise those fears but there comes a point where standing up for yourself is better than the alternatives. That doesn't mean engaging with this on his terms.

If 'gender / trans' isn't part of your job then he doesn't have any more right to raise the topic than you. I assume your views are not in conflict with the law, so yours is the default position, you shouldn't need to defend your views, argue with him or get drawn into the topic at all if you don't want to. You don't need to bring it up and I'd hope you can tune his views out.

You must be qualified for your post and you have as much right to be there as him. Whatever his status in your area, he's just a bloke. In my work, I found a very effective technique against authority in general was not to react defensively to anything, just be calm and smiley and unafraid - your stance on trans can be 'Oh I don't really have a view on all that, and I don't get into general politics at work'. I know charities are riven with politics but you're not obliged to engage beyond the specific remit of your post.

“I would be starting a diary on day one, noting every single thing he says which suggests that he does not respect the sex based rights of women and LGB people.”

This. I would keep an accurate daily record of anything he says or any behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. That will be a good thing to have if he irrationally kicks off at any point, and being a TRA that’s highly likely.

If he starts can you say oh I don’t really know enough about it, did you watch Love Island yesterday (or whatever crappy show is on). That way he may not feel inclined to have in-depth discussions with you that have got nothing to do with work.

I work with vocal TRAs, who are particularly vocal on LinkedIn. I just don’t engage in discussion about it - I do my job, they do theirs, our job has nothing to do with it and apart from opposing views on this particular issue, they’re all nice people and there are plenty of other things to talk about

Honestly comments like yours are unhinged. Someone has a different view to the OP, it doesn’t make them any more likely to “irrationally kick off”.

Thanks for all the wisdom and advice. I have been out of the workplace for ten years (self employed/young children) so basically have never been in a position where I haven’t felt able to talk openly about anything as the last time I worked in an office this wasn’t such a thing. And I have always been a floating voter live and let live kind of person. So I guess I am just feeling daunted that I can’t really be myself if the topic were to arise for some reason. Although it would be odd if it did I guess. It’s totally unrelated to the area of work. It’s just the passion behind his social media posts was quite striking. Felt jarring for the position he has.

He has no power to fire me. Works for a different organisation but there seems to be a bit of a ‘bubble’ in this particular area so lots of small organisations work together despite being different.

If the unlikely scenario came up and I was asked for my views, which admittedly feels terribly unlikely, I don’t see how I could lie about what I think. They are not controversial. I think all people deserve to live happy and healthy lives and I have no beef with anyone. I just think women need to be able to gather/access services etc. without men if they choose/need to. At the same time, I am incredibly conflict averse and a total people pleaser. So although I’m not sure I could lie it would cause me immense stress to be in that situation.

@Wetoldyousaurusyour post really struck a chord. It’s that. It’s the ‘bringing his misogynistic self to work’ while I stay quiet and quietly die inside at how fragile women’s rights are when I thought we had come so far.

If you have been out of the workplace for a while, don't talk about politics, religion and other controversial topics in the workplace. Ignore the "Bring your full self to work" advice. Look, I get it, I am brown and there are many times I want to talk about creeping racism, but I don't do that in the office ( helps I mostly WFH). I stick to discussing the work and other non-controversial topics like the weather, TV shows, books etc.

If you are not working in that area, I doubt anyone will ask you.

I really admire that you care about this - I do too and it cuts deep. When the SC judgement came out I wanted to scream about it from the rooftops - I was so happy. Yet all I could do was share a quiet drink at home with only one friend who understood fully. My DH doesn’t really get it at all or is just too preoccupied with work to want to engage. I couldn’t post on social media, apart from anonymously, which feels so lame. And yet - the ‘other side’ - the lynch mob, the women haters, the fetishists, they are screaming blue murder all over the place with no repercussions whatsoever. Strange times.

In the workplace, lie back and think of England still seems to be the deal for most women when it comes to keeping our jobs in the face of this. I just look to all the fantastic women who have been able to speak though, and who have fought so courageously on behalf of all of us. I soak up the media on them and read their clever posts and columns and it gives me a continuous source of hope. And then, I try to do what I have to do to keep a roof over my head. It’s just life. You will be fine. Don’t let the bastard grind you down.

I think the past decade has shown us that these individuals are definitely more likely to ‘irrationally kick off’.

Bet your bottom dollar his opinion of trans rights will come up in the work place. For no reason other than he wants to voice it.

A colleague might have very extreme political views in the opposite direction, they might have many personal interests and opinions you don't align with or find fascinating.

Just imagine you've never met them before and don't know anything about them other than their role at work. You don't need to know anything else about them or even like them personally. You just need to treat them as a colleague and get your job done.

There could be lots of others you work with who have various views or character traits outside of work you don't agree with. Don't concern yourself with any of them.

Given your situation, I would keep your head down. But keep a note of anything he says that you might need to use to protect yourself/make a case at a later date. Just in case.

If, after working with him for a while, you don’t change your opinion of him, I would consider trying to sow seeds to undermine his reputation slightly. When he comes up in conversation with others I would wrinkle my nose a bit and say something along the lines of that he just comes across as a bit misogynistic. Charming and friendly to people, but dismissive of women’s views/not prepared to see his own privilege/etc. Whatever way of phrasing things is in fashion in your work environment. Don’t tackle his TRA position at all, but try to subtly undermine him on the basis of his sexism. If you can also point to other ways he’s arrogant or has got things wrong in his job, so much the better. Having example of him doing this would be helpful, but you can also say along the lines of “it’s hard to pinpoint, it’s just the impression I get and I just can’t like him because of it.”

I agree with this, and also with others who have said you just have to put up with the fact he gets to put his opinions put there and you don't, if you realitically want to continue with a flourishing career.

I suggest not looking at his social media again if possible. I don't know how realistic that is for your work. If you had no pre conception about his politics your relationship would start just like any other and you might have found you really like him. You still might.

Now you do know, it's good to keep in mind that you need to take care not to stumble into a disagreement with him, or to out yourself if you know that wouldn't be a good idea. But you might find that his real life persona and social media persona are quite different.

It's a good lesson in how not to use social media of it's professionally linked.

I don't agree with this : ", after working with him for a while, you don’t change your opinion of him, I would consider trying to sow seeds to undermine his reputation ...". It's the flip side of the workplace bullying and presimptions based on stereotypes that we've seen in the gc employment tribunals.