Its not about holding the individual woman to a higher standard - its about holding reproductive technology, society and ethics to a standard.
We know there are many suboptimal situations for conception, birth and childrearing and do our best to mitigate them or as a society intervene if the risks seem too great (weighed with the rights of the individuals concerned)- but just because some situations arise that are suboptimal, doesnt mean that its fine to openly choose/promote suboptimal situations.
A good analogy would be the way surrogacy is often compared to adoption - eg in adoption you are taking the child away from its mother/parents so doing the same, removing a child from the birth mother after surrogacy is therefore equivalent and just as acceptable.
But there is a big difference practically and morally between picking the least-worst option for an existing child/pregnancy with the needs of that child as a focus, to deliberately creating the situation of removal of the child from its birth mother (and genetic heritage if pregnancy is through using donor eggs) by planning a surrogate pregnancy where the choices made are focused on the wishes of the commissioning adults, not the child created or the women instrumentalised to do so.
In surrogacy many of the most controvertial cases are about the selfishness of the individuals concerned eg very old comissioners who are unlikely to survive or be physically well and in a fit state to meet the childs needs through their youth, comissioners choosing multiples for expense/desirability reasons, thus increasing the chances of high risk pregnancy, low birthweight, prematurity, the insistance on using donor eggs to break any genetic connection with the birth mother exposing her and the baby to a higher risk pregnancy. Theres always a balance and a trade off to be made, and we need to question is that worth it, and where does the balance fall?
All these topics need to be talked about and ethical decisions made/lines drawn - and it may be upsetting to some, and disappoint others but we do no one any service by allowing uncontrolled technology to satisfy any human desire.
Look at how ultrasound technology and sex selection has been used in India where son preference and use of sex selective abortion has endangered the health of many women (whether it was chosen or coerced) and skewed sex demographics in these countries such that there are social and population problems from the imbalance.