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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

“Outing” and “Transphobia”: Informing a parent that her child was being “socially transitioned” by a school/college

355 replies

Steve3742 · 28/02/2025 13:50

So, I’m having a problem with my employer.

I am—or was—a Learning Support Assistant at Nottingham College, and have worked for them nearly continuously since 2006.

Last September, I was informed that a vulnerable 16-year-old autistic girl was to be socially transitioned within the college, adopting a male name and “he/him” pronouns. I was also informed that her mother had not been consulted and that this information was to be deliberately kept from her. After unsuccessfully raising my concerns with Safeguarding that withholding important information about her daughter’s health and well-being was a risk for the child, I decided to inform the mother about what was happening. As a result, I was fired.

The college’s decision to hide the social transition of a vulnerable 16-year-old girl from her mother was unlawful and violates both the Keeping Children Safe in Education (KCSiE) statutory guidance and the Department for Education’s Guidance on Gender-Questioning Children. Both frameworks are informed by the evidence presented in the Cass Review, which emphasises that social transition is not a neutral act and can be harmful to a child’s welfare, particularly for vulnerable individuals.

Paragraph 208 in KCSiE states that supporting a gender questioning child “should be in partnership with the child’s parents” and clinical advice should be sought.

By engaging in this deception, the college directly breached safeguarding principles. Any collaboration between adult staff and a vulnerable child to withhold information from their parents is a clear violation of fundamental safeguarding standards. My referral to safeguarding referenced all these points but wasn’t acted upon. I raised these concerns multiple times during the disciplinary process, yet they were repeatedly dismissed.

I’m taking the college to a Tribunal for false dismissal (and am gardening to help with that, check the CJ site). But one of the objections raised against me is that I “outed” the child, with all the connotations that go with that, the abuse that gay children often face from unaccepting parents.

I don’t think the two situations are comparable. For a start, the parent already knew her child was gender-questioning, so she wasn’t “outed” in that sense. She was informed, by me, about what the college was doing, not any new information about her daughter. She was told that the college was facilitating the “social transition” of her daughter and, particularly egregiously, that the college was trying to keep this information about their activities hidden from her.

All the relevant guidance, some of which is statutory, states that she had a right to know this. That she had a right to be consulted about it. Indeed, that the college had a duty to consult with her about this. One that it not only failed in but actively tried to subvert by conspiring with a vulnerable 16 year old child to keep their activities secret from her. Conspiracies between adults and children to keep secrets from parents are a huge safeguarding red flag.

Not only this, but it can be argued that a child’s sexuality is the child’s business and, even if the college were to find out about it, they have no reason to disclose it to anyone. Even Section 28 didn’t put a duty on a school or college to inform a child’s parents that they were gay, were they to find out that they were. But the guidance quoted above does include a duty to consult with a child’s parents about their “social transition”, for good reason. “Social transition” involves the school or college making significant changes to the way it operates. Names must be changed, wrong-sex pronouns must be used by staff and students, decisions need to be taken about what punishments, if any, should be meted out to dissenters, and so on. Certainly, this is not a secret – all the child’s fellow students and all the staff in the class will know about it. It cannot be claimed, therefore, that this should be kept from the child’s parents in the name of privacy or confidentiality – such things do not exist for social transition, the nature of it requires widespread dissemination. It is instead, as I’ve already said, a conspiracy – a group of people working together to do something, and to keep their activity hidden from other people.

Nothing comparable could be said about gay children, even in the days of Section 28. This is not the same thing.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
HermioneWeasley · 28/02/2025 13:55

I agree with your arguments and IMO you have a strong case for unfair dismissal with the facts you’ve set out

ZeldaFighter · 28/02/2025 14:08

What has the child's mother said about this? If she's on your side, it strengthens your case further.

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:22

You're absolutely right, they're not comparable

We'll done for taking a strong stand - they've failed in their duty and responsibility to safeguard the child and also follow safeguarding guidance,

Why didn't the college question what triggered the child's decision and request to do this? Thats an enormous safeguarding fail.

It's now well known via Cass and the Tavistock's own data that high percentages of these teens have other issues, including sexual assault, trauma etc. online influences and grooming.

It's clear no risk assessed reasoning was given to you regarding the secret.
It makes no difference what the mother thinks here; it's a failure of safeguarding processes and protocols.

Especially as you raised it with safeguarding and was dismissed. And then fired ffs!

duc748 · 28/02/2025 14:23

Is there also a father in the picture? Either way, keeping secrets from one or both parents is not acceptable. Or legal, I suspect, but IANAL.

Faffertea · 28/02/2025 14:27

I suppose in a sense they are right in that if the child’s mother didn’t know she was identifying as something else then technically you have “outed” her. BUT the point is that is what should be happening if a child is undertaking this without the knowledge of their parent(s) and the institution have been approached to go along with it. It is entirely appropriate for safeguarding reasons and fundamental to the wellbeing of the child.

If it were a different situation- the child is planning on leaving college, moving in with a boy/girlfriend, got into debt, using drugs etc then it would be discussed in the child’s best interests.

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:30

Parents have parental responsibility in law.

Children have a right to be safeguarded from harm.

Schools have a duty to ensure that children are protected from harm. They have a responsibility that is laid out in statutory guidance.

That guidance was not followed. Ideological notions were followed instead.

helpfulperson · 28/02/2025 14:31

I though that at 16 there was a limit to what colleges can discuss with parents if the young person doesn't want them to. Certainly the case in Scotland and not limited to gender status etc.

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:44

They still have to follow kcsie.

Iirc it's up to 25 if the pupil has a learning difficulty / disability

RoyalCorgi · 28/02/2025 14:47

What you say is entirely reasonable, and very well put. I am sorry you are having to go through this crap.

Happy to help with gardening, and hope others are too.

Usernamesareboring1 · 28/02/2025 14:48

It sounds like you took it upon yourself to ignore the school policies. If you felt the safeguarding team were wrong in their policies there are more official ways you could have gone about escalating your concerns than taking it upon yourself to disclose information to a parent that could have put a child in danger. Sounds like you were a safeguarding risk and they were right to fire you.

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:50

<Alexa, show me a mumsnet poster who doesn't understand statutory safeguarding guidance>

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:51

RoyalCorgi · 28/02/2025 14:47

What you say is entirely reasonable, and very well put. I am sorry you are having to go through this crap.

Happy to help with gardening, and hope others are too.

Yes, have just done so

Good luck OP

Usernamesareboring1 · 28/02/2025 14:52

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:44

They still have to follow kcsie.

Iirc it's up to 25 if the pupil has a learning difficulty / disability

As should this person and therefore have escalated their concerns to senior leadership / local authority if they felt the safeguarding lead wasn't sufficiently dealing with their concerns. Kcsie doesn't tell people to decide for themselves the risk of disclosing information to parents.

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 14:54

He did

TeenToTwenties · 28/02/2025 14:55

Usernamesareboring1 · 28/02/2025 14:48

It sounds like you took it upon yourself to ignore the school policies. If you felt the safeguarding team were wrong in their policies there are more official ways you could have gone about escalating your concerns than taking it upon yourself to disclose information to a parent that could have put a child in danger. Sounds like you were a safeguarding risk and they were right to fire you.

There is zero reason to believe that the child would be in danger from talking to the parents. This is TRA speak and designed to isolate the child from the parents.

Whereas socially transitioning a vulnerable teen ....

caringcarer · 28/02/2025 14:56

HermioneWeasley · 28/02/2025 13:55

I agree with your arguments and IMO you have a strong case for unfair dismissal with the facts you’ve set out

I absolutely agree with you and think you did a brave thing OP. I hope you win your case against the college. There are not enough whistleblowers. Are you in a union? If so get their support.

Usernamesareboring1 · 28/02/2025 15:00

TeenToTwenties · 28/02/2025 14:55

There is zero reason to believe that the child would be in danger from talking to the parents. This is TRA speak and designed to isolate the child from the parents.

Whereas socially transitioning a vulnerable teen ....

It was not OPs job to assess that risk for themselves though? They broke the rules by not following the policies they agreed to as part of their employment contract especially in not following safeguarding policy meaning they are a safeguarding risk. They could have escalated their concerns in line with kcsie and they didn't.

ghostofadog · 28/02/2025 15:04

Completely agree with you, and you were brave to stand up to the ideologically captured college. But what I don't know is whether this is a winnable case from a legal point of view, assume you have taken advice about that?

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 15:04

Kcsie doesn't tell people to decide for themselves the risk of disclosing information to parents.

According to the op, no risks were identified for telling parent. This line of thinking is hyperbolic and extremely dangerous in the context of safeguarding.

If there were risks he would have definitely known about it and other professionals such as SW would certainly be involved with the child.

All staff and volunteers should be able to raise concerns about poor or unsafe practice and potential failures in the school or college’s safeguarding provision and know that such concerns will be taken seriously by the senior leadership team.” KCSiE, Paragraph 72, September 2024

Which he did.

Ignored

The op made a "protected disclosure under the Employment Rights Act 1996."

Using statutory guidance as the basis.

Which is the purpose of statutory guidance.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66d7301b9084b18b95709f75/Keepingchildrennsafeinneducation_2024.pdf

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 15:06

It was not OPs job to assess that risk for themselves though?

What was the risk?

Usernamesareboring1 · 28/02/2025 15:08

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 15:04

Kcsie doesn't tell people to decide for themselves the risk of disclosing information to parents.

According to the op, no risks were identified for telling parent. This line of thinking is hyperbolic and extremely dangerous in the context of safeguarding.

If there were risks he would have definitely known about it and other professionals such as SW would certainly be involved with the child.

All staff and volunteers should be able to raise concerns about poor or unsafe practice and potential failures in the school or college’s safeguarding provision and know that such concerns will be taken seriously by the senior leadership team.” KCSiE, Paragraph 72, September 2024

Which he did.

Ignored

The op made a "protected disclosure under the Employment Rights Act 1996."

Using statutory guidance as the basis.

Which is the purpose of statutory guidance.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66d7301b9084b18b95709f75/Keepingchildrennsafeinneducation_2024.pdf

Why would OP have been made aware of the risks? He's a LSA, the safeguarding team reviewing the case have no obligation to update him as it wouldn't have been up to him to act on it. If he felt his concerns were ignored he should have gone to local authority safeguarding or even whistleblown through the right channels - it's not whistleblowing to disclose information to the child's parent outside the remit of his job when he was in not in a position to know the risk of doing so.

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 15:13

@Usernamesareboring1

Don't you think the mother has the responsibility to care for her child?

To make sure her child is given the best possible support?

To access gp help?

Seek a referral to GIDs?

To assess online harms / grooming and support the child there?

In these ways socially transition is completely different to coming out as gay.

What gives a college the right to take that duty and responsibility away? KCSIE is clear that that this should be in collaboration with parents.

Usernamesareboring1 · 28/02/2025 15:17

WarriorN · 28/02/2025 15:13

@Usernamesareboring1

Don't you think the mother has the responsibility to care for her child?

To make sure her child is given the best possible support?

To access gp help?

Seek a referral to GIDs?

To assess online harms / grooming and support the child there?

In these ways socially transition is completely different to coming out as gay.

What gives a college the right to take that duty and responsibility away? KCSIE is clear that that this should be in collaboration with parents.

OP has conveniently left out a lot of info though hasn't he given that he said the Mother was aware? So how do you know any of the above being kept from her?

What gives a college the right to take that duty and responsibility away? KCSIE is clear that that this should be in collaboration with parents

Yeah it's a should I.e. this should happen if it's safe to do so. If OP was part of the safeguarding or senior leadership and was aware of enough of all the information to know what collaborating with the parents wasn't a risk but he didn't know that. He also didn't follow the procedure for escalating his concerns. He showed he is a safeguarding risk since he can't follow the safeguarding procedures he signed up for and has rightly been fired from working with children.

TheywontletmehavethenameIwant · 28/02/2025 15:24

Children Protection is everyone's responsibility, especially if you think the organisation you work for is the one posing the risk.

The parents have a right to know, the states power only supersedes the parents if the state take the necessary steps to take a child into care.

He did the right thing, but knowing how much of an ass the law is, he may not have done the legal thing.

RoyalCorgi · 28/02/2025 15:27

OP, I wonder if you have the support of the mother? Curious to know how she responded to this disclosure.