Pianist Betsy Arakawa found dead at 63.

[Preciousssssss]

Putting this here as she deserves to be acknowledged as more than just a man’s unnamed wife.

https://news.sky.com/story/oscar-winning-actor-gene-hackman-and-wife-found-dead-at-home-13317861

No Besty was his wife and like lots of other spouses of the elderly had become his carer.
When she died, he and the dog died not being able to fend for themselves. She had probably been managing his medication, ensuring he ate and drank. It took a week for him to die and the dog was on crate rest having just been brought back from the vet. What an appalling set of circumstances.

@Nevertrustacop Being a carer doesn't mean you don't accept help! Especially if you have money. Money buys you help and not everyone with Alzheimer's gets angry. It seems very sad that an intelligent and talented woman just hid away with her DH - 30 years older than her! She got no help when she was ill - obviously. That's a tragedy.

@pontefractals
Thought not.

What a sad outcome. Mrs Arakawa must have been overwhelmed by the illness, also American Hanta virus is much more deadly than the European variant (35% vs. 0,2% to 12% for various European variants).

I will be living alone in my old age. I have been thinking about ways to prevent scenarios like this. Maybe a shared flat isn't a bad idea (there are multi-generational projects around here).

Please can we stop this unfounded speculation. It is gross.

Stupid comments about having money means you would surround yourself with servants. That just illustrates the type of person you are.

Just because you wouldn't, they chose to move somewhere they would not have much interaction with and spent ages creating a home and gardens that meant they were secluded.

And for heavens sake read up of this rare virus and how quicklly it can kill.

And in fact throughout the world there are a number of people who die and aren't noticed as not being around.

In the case of one young woman for over 3 years.

That's one interpretation but I doubt it's the correct one. She had both money and agency- had she wished for help there would have been help.

I\m surprised they didn't have a regular cleaner.

@IwantToRetire It's not stupid at all! He had late Alzheimer's! Who on earth doesn't need help looking after a 95 year old with this illness? No one said a houseful of servants! Someone to come in every day to help with daily living for a very frail old man is, frankly, what most people would love to have. Who knows if she could cope? Who knows if he refused help? However most people with money access help. Partly because they recognise that they need a life away from caring occasionally. It is very limiting to not have regular help. This women had a career. Note "had". It's all about choice, I accept that, but it seems she dedicated her life to him without regular help and paid a high price. Would not be happening in my house!

That’s what I found really strange too. You would also think that there would be at least one person who would have thought of checking up on them.

it’s all really depressing.

That's you're business.

As you said, she was a grown woman who could make her own decisions. She may have felt pressures depending on how his dementia affected his behaviour, but they did have the funds for her to have a lot more options than most people. She could have had whatever paid help she wanted or even institutional care of the best sort of she felt she couldn't cope.

So I don't see why you are insisting that she was somehow oppressed. It's a bit weird you keep implying something bad was going on.

It is a little sad whenever someone dies and no one, family included, notices. And I suppose as this illustrates, it's maybe not that safe to be so isolated in this kind of scenario, because even if you cope well things can happen.

Sorry it was just wishful thinking.. there are rats all around us wherever we are so was hoping it couldn’t be something caught from a small amount.

I was busy with a migraine yesterday, sorry.
I'm not going to apologise for general cynicism caused by too many cases of murder/suicide being reported in very similar ways to this. I hoped I was overthinking and in this case I was, but as long as reporting in general is dishonest I will struggle to work out when I should be trusting and when I should not. What I said was my honest reaction to the news, and I genuinely wish it wasn't.

I'm sorry to hear about your migraine. I hope you feel better today.

There is simply no excuse whatsoever for what you said. You had no right at all to link Gene Hackman with murder. You should apologize for your awful comment but I know that you won't.

There is an issue about lack of support for carers and the impact and risk that leaves for their ‘patients’. I wonder whether we could have a regular check in system, or some kind of alert.

That poor baby that died last year when his dad had a heart attack, and many others, could be saved if we know they are abandoned.

I was thinking about this when listening to the Will Power detectives podcast/ radio programmes.

It's the fraying of support networks

I tried to fit smart appliances for my mum, there’s a routine on Alexa I think, which informs you if a smart plug isn’t used, or a door isn’t opened.

The intention was to get a notification of she didn’t use the kettle in the morning, or didn’t open the front door all day.

She has engaged with her neighbours now and isn’t sufficiently isolated to need it, but we investigated during COVID when she was very isolated indeed.

It shouldn’t be beyond the wit of man to develop a system that works to send alerts from homes where vulnerable people are at risk.

I can’t believe it would be expensive.

This does exist - it's called Assistive Technology and it's starting to be used in various groups. I've heard some good reports on it from a friend in the field, who experienced its use in a supported living setting for people with learning disabilities. At first they were worried it would be used as a way to cut staff, but it did actually mean that staff could do more engaging stuff with clients rather than constantly focusing on doing rounds and checking up on people, not all of whom wanted to be checked on!
I think it needs to be used carefully and there is a risk it'll be used for cost-cutting in unhelpful ways, but it does seem positive to me. As with anything, though, so much depends on the motivation of the people involved.

This is already happening in South Korea

https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/24/asia/south-korea-loneliness-deaths-intl-hnk/index.html

I message my 85 year old FIL every morning on WhatsApp - just to say - all ok? And he just responds back with a smiley face- luckily he's still compus mentis and good with WhatsApp if he didn't get back by say 3 pm I would call - I also have his very nice neighbours mobile and a key safe. I do think there are ways to check on people without being in each others pockets- but it does rely on mental ability and cooperation

It's my solemn duty to inform you that Liz Jones has been tutting at Us All over this because of her sense of guilt

https://archive.ph/kjgSS