Consent shouldn’t be confusing, but it is - newspaper article

[IwantToRetire]

I am not saying that I think this is a good article, but interesting that a newspaper should have published this.

And bothered to talk to support services for women such as Women's Aid, Rape Crisis and others.

I wonder how many younger people read newspapers. And if so would they read this and find it helpful.

....
One in 30 women is raped or sexually assaulted every year in England and Wales, none of whom will have consented to sex, no matter the circumstances.

So why is the issue of consent still seen as complicated?

Research has found that almost half of us are not clear on what it means or do not know what the act of consent means.

Even those impacted by sexual assault have been left with question marks hanging over their experience.

https://metro.co.uk/2025/02/14/consent-shouldnt-confusing-this-22504477/

Oh for gods sake. If you're not clear whether the other party has consented, keep your pants on.

I think a major part of the article is about how women are left confused, or made to think, they must be at fault.

In fact there is very little about men and what they think.

It makes the point that men and boys (and now also young women) believe that a woman owes a man sex in some circumstances. Also that the defence of rough sex is used - though I think consenting to strangulation is now no longer a defence in the UK.
It's quite an informative article and does challenge the idea that a woman can consent e.g. when drunk and that men are never asked or investigated about targetting drunk or drugged women or using porn.

Gisele Pelicot's excellent quote 'Shame must change sides' seems applicable.

I'm not sure the men mentioned in that piece (the colleague, the Tate followers) are remotely confused about consent. They just don't care whether they have it or not.

Some judges in Ireland have a very bad reputation as far as sentencing for sex crimes is concerned, but I like what this judge, Judge Tony Hunt, said in sentencing a rapist last year:

“consent is something that must be looked for”, adding that if it is not established, “you do so at your own peril”.
“If it is not consensual sexual activity, it is sexual activity that will result in the commission of a serious sexual offence and the room for anything but a significant immediate custodial sentence is non-existent”

The fact that a woman was out of it on drugs/alcohol used to be taken as a variant of 'asking for it' - she got drunk, put herself in a vulnerable position, and of course the rapist took advantage, what red-blooded male wouldn't?

I'm glad to see it's being seen more often as de facto non-consensual sex, because if you're out of it, you can't consent, and boys and men need to get that into their heads.

It's obvious to us and to Mr Justice Tony Hunt, but I wonder how many men still see an incapacitated women as an opportunity?

Of course it's complicated.

That isn't just limited to sex. Look at all the other areas where we "consent" to things. We agree to help our kid with something because we are tired of being badgered, we agree to watch the show our spouse wants because we know he'll sulk otherwise, we are free to buy the larger size burger because the waiter asks in a tricky way, we agree to buy a product to make the salesman go away, we agree to donate to a cause because we feel guilty, we agree to go on to the next bar because we are too drunk to make a good decision, we agree to go on a trip with a friend because we can't sort out what we really want to do ourselves.

Add to that the many fraught personal elements involved in sexual decisions for many people, the differing cultural expectations, and the nature of human communications.

The best remedy would be to only have sex with someone you have established good communication and trust with and know well, where you already know your own feelings and decisions clearly, and can have a discussion about their feelings and decisions.

But that's a bit too much like the advice of your old grandmother so...

Notwithstanding, I tend to think that a lot of men, and some women, just really don't care much about the other person involved. Not that they are out looking for assault as such, but it's very close to a buyer beware kind of attitude, if that makes sense.