Safeguarding trans issues

[Hamiltonfan]

My friend is the most amazing mum. Her son has started to identify as female which she doesn't accept . He is neurodiverse with multiple issues going on and she believes this is a phase he is going through to try and fit in. She found out today that she has been flagged as a safeguarding risk and social services are being involved. To say she is devastated is an understatement. Please be kind. Can anyone offer any words of support or legislation around this? Thank you.

Fingers crossed the new paediatric services are following the Cass Review - if so, anything co morbid to the cross sex identity should be ruled out first, to avoid what Cass called ‘Diagnostic Overshadowing’.

Hopefully the reorganisation of 18-25 services to be more in line with the new paediatric service rather than the Adult Pathway conveyor belt by the time your friend’s son ages out of the children’s version.

If no differential diagnosis is explored your friend can report the service to NHSE and Cass, her MP and anyone else we can find who will listen to her.

I really don't get this at all.

I could be absolutely obsessed with all things French and associated with France. I could change my name to a French variant, only listen to French music, only watch French films and TV, only eat authentic French cuisine with snails as a side order every time, only ever wear a black and white striped jumper and a beret, speak French as much as possible, with a French accent, specifically seek French friends online or in person, paint my house a Tricolore and wholeheartedly embrace every French stereotype I could possibly think of.

Everybody would know that I was a fully committed Francophile - and all power to me... but I would still actually be British. I couldn't get my birth certificate changed to say that I was born to French parents (mine were British) in Marseille (nope, town in the English Midlands).

Why would I even need to seek to do that, though, even if I could? And what would it actually achieve or make any different? I've yet to hear any convincing argument (or actually any attempt at one at all) as to how being trans is anything but embracing stereotypes of the opposite sex. What you biologically ARE is immutable; with that in mind, what you choose to DO (assuming your body will allow you to and you don't seek to remove rights from people who actually are the other sex) is entirely your free choice, regardless of whether other people expect you to do it or not.

So, if you're a man who likes to consider yourself as a 'woman', you clearly can't use women's toilets or changing rooms, as those are set aside for women only and you would be denying them their rights if you sought to muscle in and use them as well; but if you want to buy and wear bras and makeup, bake cupcakes, knit doilies, carry a glittery handbag, sing along defiantly to Taylor Swift, drive a pink Micra or whatever other things you personally stereotype as 'for women', absolutely nobody at all is stopping you. Just as women may choose not to participate in any of those, for whatever reason; it's all good.

I've been knee deep in LGBTQWYZ for decades. I've seen many things.

I've seen the classical presentation of transexuality three times, out of many hundreds of claims.

None of those three would ever suggest a young boy with autism to be a likely "candidate".

I think ButterflyHatched might not be a candidate either, but tries hard to look like it because it'd might make him/her/zim look somehow legitimate.

I can't take him/her/zim seriously after he/she / zir claimed there was a bet on who could bed him/her/zer in college, though.

I wish this clownery could take place somewhere else rather than a thread where real help is being asked for.

I wish this clownery could take place somewhere else rather than a thread where real help is being asked for.
This. Not typically female behaviour to try and make everything about oneself, either.

At 16 it does become the child's choice though.

No, the rate of people going from PBs to CSHs doesn't indicate that it was the right decision for them all. It shows that using PBs makes the path to CSHs a pretty much foregone conclusion. PBs don't give children time to think, they do the opposite. They ensure that the child does not have any real chance to grow out of their dysphoria and go on to have a normal adult life.

No child should have their healthy puberty blocked.

The only children for whom going through puberty is going to be more damaging than not going through it are the ones whose (almost certainly abusive) parents allowed them to believe they were the opposite sex at a very young age and who are consequently already psychologically damaged beyond repair.

Sorry to read the update @Hamiltonfan I can barely imagine how hard it must be for your friend. I hope she does get in touch with one of the organisations recommended, I would think they have lots of experience of what she’s going through, including with older teenagers.

Stop projecting your own backstory all over other people’s children.

👏👏👏Well said @ChaChaChooey

There is blatant hijacking and appropriation of other people's experiences all over these threads.

I'm still waiting for @ButterflyHatched to tell me how he lives as a woman. No one I have asked can answer the question.

Join the queue.

I think none of us will be getting an answer, though.

It's something to do with a constellation of data points I think.

When all else fails, what is left other than 'lalala I don't believe you'?

Embarrassing. You're denying other people's lived experiences because you either cannot comprehend them being possible, or you refuse to do so.

It's chilling to see it happening on a feminist board.

These responses are incredibly revealing as well. The way the tone suddenly shifts; the sheer scandalous outrageousness of a trans woman talking about how the treatment that she had in childhood (plus some good luck) allowed her to successfully address her dysphoria and enter adult society not only with a gender-congruent presentation, but one that other people find quite attractive.

It's the sheer hostility and incredulity toward the notion of a congruent and aesthetically pleasing outcome that I find so especially fascinating and would love to unpack further.

It's the sheer hostility and incredulity toward the notion of a congruent and aesthetically pleasing outcome that I find so especially fascinating and would love to unpack further.

Feel free to 'unpack it' by starting a thread of your own and stop intruding on this one.

@ButterflyHatched my lived experience is that if I'm going to get undressed in a changing room, or use a public lavatory, or be in a place where I expect women to be by ourselves, then I don't expect to have a male born person in with me.
Does that matter?

It's the sheer hostility and incredulity toward the notion of a congruent and aesthetically pleasing outcome that I find so especially fascinating and would love to unpack further

Then start your own thread @ButterflyHatched and stop derailing a thread started to ask for support on a specific real life situation.

Actually, thank you for answering my question. I'm more than happy to engage in productive, respectful dialogue.

Of those three people I've met with a presentation of classic transexuality, one is a trans woman and the other two are trans men.

I wasn't just present in their lives at one point, I still am, and these are my friends. Of course I've listened to their lived experiences, with compassion and respect.

I've had many productive, friendly conversations with them. I'll be spending my NYE with one of them and his fiancée. I guess I should hand in my terf card.

And through the many conversations I've had with them, which they initiated rather than me, they were very clear that someone with autism, or other deep-seated psychiatric issues, would never be a classic example of transexuality, and certainly not a candidate for transition related medical procedures.

You do apparently claim to have a classic presentation as well, but also apparently don't show much regard for safeguarding, which, to me, stands in contrast with what my friends think.

You don't really address the special circumstances in this case, autism and other psychiatric problems, but rather just speak about your own experience. This really isn't of much help to OP or the child she is talking about. I really don't understand why you'd do that, though I'm open to hear your arguments.

allowed her to successfully address her dysphoria and enter adult society not only with a gender-congruent presentation, but one that other people find quite attractive.

This sort of statement, along with the bet on who could bed you in Uni, do sound a bit unreal.

Oh @Hamiltonfan that must be so difficult to watch. There is lots of help & support for your friend, even if she can't keep the medicalising transactivist vultures away from her son.

I'm sorry your thread, asking for help, has been derailed by a self-centred and insensitive poster, who is cloth-eared in engaging in the kind of supportive conversation & advice you're seeking.

I hope you can save the relevant & useful parts of this thread, and the resources various posters have suggested.

Hear, hear. Support threads are for the OP.

I hope your True Trans mates aren't the turkeys voting for Christmas. I've seen a fair bit of hostility from older trans people who were denied Blockers and feel threatened by our existence, as if we invalidate them somehow. Wish it didn't happen but people are people and can get quite jealous or develop unhealthy coping strategies.

Anyway, sorry for the derail - I hope the OP's friend gets a good answer that helps their kid have a good life.

@Hamiltonfan

Hi OP,

Re: the referral to social services this organisation may be able to offer some guidance.

www.ebswa.org/

As I understand it they are a group of social workers/academics etc advocating for evidence based practice in response to the onslaught of gender ideology.

Well this is a bit rich!

You were the one going on about how classically transexual you are.

I hope that at least you leave this thread for good.

WTF is a gender-congruent presentation and what makes you think this is desirable?

Remember you're talking to feminists.

And what on earth makes you think anyone is the least bit interested in your allegedly aesthetically pleasing appearance?

If you're interested in beauty contests you're in the wrong place.

So it is about what you look like. I was right. TRAs denied it and said it was all about who you are inside, your true soul.

Which somehow has only one type of appearance that "matches" it because you must conform.

Someone on Ovarit just posted this link. https://x.com/Psychgirl211/status/1816566075355730225

It won’t be what your friend wants but I hope it helps her articulate her feelings.