Why did you marry him? Internalised misogyny?

[Xmasbabyxmas]

I'm more of a lurker than a regular poster. Please take this post in the spirit it's intended - i.e. a genuine question id like to understand the answer to. I've noticed on a lot of threads on which the OP is seeking advice following some poor behaviour from current or prospective husband, responders pile on with the "why are you marrying / why did you marry him?" line. It reads like dreadful internalised misogyny to me, as if the OP brought this all on entirely herself. Or is it some sort of MN inside joke I'm not getting?

Well I can say this...I married my first husband because I was on the rebound, young, naive and a bit stupid at the time. The fact he was wealthy was a huge bonus. It shouldn't have been but it was, and I freely admit it. I was a dickhead.
I think many women marry for money/a nice lifestyle first and foremost but they probably won't admit it.

Internalised misogyny is intended to be an indictment of the patriarchy isn't it

I think so, yes. It's very difficult not to have any internalised misogyny at all when you've been brought up in a patriarchy. Similarly it's very difficult to have good and healthy boundaries and expectations in a relationship if you have been brought up in a family with poor relationship models. Obviously we can all try and be aware of that conditioning and do our best to fight against it, but these things run deep when they are things you started to absorb from early childhood.

Ok. A huge range of perspectives on this one, thanks everyone. Looks like context is important too. There's also a debate on internalised misogyny to be had along the way, but maybe that one's for another day 😉