A book on autism which pushes the trans rights agenda

[CatFeet]

I saw a thread on MN asking for book recommendations for autists. I looked up one that sounded good called Unmasking Autism, I’ve included the blurb from the publisher which is very misleading. Thankfully I read the reviews, and I’m deeply disturbed. The book is mainly devoted to promoting the author’s transgender ideology while trying to pass itself off as a helpful resource for autistic people.

Here is one review to give an idea:

’This could be a phenomenally helpful book, but the author has decided to use it as a platform to talk about their transgender agenda. Could have been so helpful, ended up as tremendously dull listening to their soap box.’

And another:

’I was enjoying this book, and I found myself trusting the thoughts, ideas and referencing. However, I am in new territory and so was building my trust in the author. It is my view that this author misrepresents JK Rowling in this book, and pointlessly, without any thorough referencing, and therefore, my trust has been undermined. I wanted to read about unmasking autism, and I was not looking to hear someone's views on the current gender/sex debates. I'll be returning the book.’

What on earth does JK Rowling have to do with Autism?

I think I thought that info useful because I’ve given up expecting the NHS to offer anything and always go privately now - so knowing to look for people with a range of therapeutic techniques in their arsenal is really useful.

I’ve never got on with CBT but found EMDR absolutely brilliant when I tried it years ago. I know a few practitioners locally, so can now enquire to see if that method might work for my DD - am aware ASD/ADHD presents differently even within families so it may still be a bust for her, but she’s only been offered online group DBT and CBT through CAMHS etc. I feel a little empowered on her behalf to ask the questions line: do you have experience of - and success with - working with ND clients and which techniques would you explore with them? Before this I’d have just assumed the therapist/clinical practitioner would have a mental toolbox of techniques and would be client centred and fluid. Feel a bit stupid for not having these discussions before wrt to her sessions.

For the trans people I know, the argument would be the same: in their view they are trans. "identify as" is terminology that tries to distance the subject from the identity: schoolchildren "identifying as cats," or GC people themselves say things like "trans identified men". I am trying not to debate trans identity itself, just convey other people's opinions, but I think the point about how we use language is well taken. We tend to say "identifies as" to mean that we don't agree with it or it is in some way questionable (someone who "identifies as autistic" but has no diagnosis), rather than simply saying one is such-and-such.

Just to be contrary: I’m autistic and found EMDR pretty unhelpful (not damaging, just not all that helpful) but the things that have really helped me have been CBT-based. I suppose we’re all different, but I wouldn’t say it’s true that CBT automatically doesn’t work for autistic people, in fact I liked it perhaps because it appealed to my logical way of thinking.

[Paragraph removed by MNHQ at poster's request]

As you say, autism resilience is to some extent about understanding that even NTs socially mask (conform) and this is both an innate and socially driven behaviour, but that for many Autistic young adults it is massively more draining for them and probably much more conscious. It would help if NTs appreciated that they are also social maskers, but that many of them doing it instinctively and naturally.

I do think it ‘gets easier’ for NDs as our brains develop and mature, and as we become more practiced in social situations. I always describe to people how autistic people often do (appear to) get there in the end, but what comes intuitively to a NT teen/person after one social encounter, may take dozens (hundreds!) of similar/repeated encounters to become a practiced and produce a more natural response in an autistic person. It’s why so many people (who know bugger all about Au/DHD) guffawed when I mentioned 5-10 years ago that I thought I was on the spectrum. They also do so when I mention my youngest is. We come across as socially confident and are very talkative in 1-2-1 situations and when we know the other party. They don’t see the way we both will come home after a trip/conference/event and vomit all night with migraine from the stress of it all or the way we’ve almost not pitched up in the first place!

I’ve berated myself for the last few years, esp post lockdowns, for not trying the local autie social groups (Appeer is a local one for girls with autism that seems highly rated for eg. ), but I have avoided because of the fear I will arrive to meet a captured organisation… and have been even more fearful of asking the question up front of ‘is this a gender ideology neutral space?’ in case I am branded a transphobe. I would just like a space where my girl can meet other ND girls/young women and find people who like art, gaming etc in the knowledge there will be no judgement and, maybe one or two of them might click because they ‘get’ her… but without the side helping of rainbow dust.

Might be the comorbidity of ADHD in my case - he didn’t say it didn’t work for autistic people, he said it was often unhelpful for ‘NDs with my profile’ - ie ASD + ADHD. I cannot do diaries or anything requiring consistent daily routine or recording. Never been able to stick to a cleanse/moisturise&tone programme for more than a week or log calories/keep a food/mood diary for dieting or migraine monitoring, for example, which is often a core component of CBT approaches. I just forget about it. I get it now that I’ve learned bout ADHD through my DD.

I think it’s about understanding that therapists need to be flexible when it comes to ND clients.

Oh yes, I agree and I think there’s some research which backs you up. I’m also rubbish at sticking to routines like that, can’t bring myself to floss regularly if it saves my life (or at least my teeth!). I think the aspects of CBT that have helped me haven’t been the keeping a diary or starting new behavioural routine bits of it but the challenging screwy thinking and getting a wider perspective on my thinking so I don’t automatically spiral downwards when I’m feeling low.

How interesting.

i am on LinkedIn a lot for work and I’ve noticed that some of the nerudivergent ‘champions’ account (I follow as I thought might be interesting or useful) are very full currently with stuff about masking - some useful info for NT people to know, but some also suggesting that they should be able to ‘be themselves’ at work and work environments should make adjustments to this just as they do for other ‘reasonable adjustment’ conditions.

really not sure this would work out well! I’m hardly going to start interrupting conversations (as is my instinct sadly) or abruptly walking away saying ‘I need to end this conversation but I don’t know how to’ etc. I’m happy to learn ‘effective masking’ and indeed everyone needs to mask to an extent- for some NT people it’s just nothing like as exhausting- don’t you think? 🤔

I'm having CBT through talking space at the minute
I'm not finding it helpful
It consists of me having to think of my negative thoughts as a parrot that I tell to shut up >
I've given up engaging ,I told them at the start I'd read cbt wasn't good for autistic individuals,but they assured me it works well.
I'm just going along with it now , because he's a trainee and I feel bad if I stop it .
It's just listening to him waffle on for half an hour every other week

@CautiousLurker you must be local, DD went to Appeer, and I had to speak to someone first on the phone who seemed to be trying to ask if she was a natal female without saying any of those words, whilst I was also trying to ascertain if the group was just made up of boys who wouldn't have had any common issues with DD - also without saying thatin case they were as captured as the NAS. I was very confused at the time and that was my take anyway. They might have changed though, it was a while ago.

Following the origins of 'identify as' in the deaf community - to mean you factually and indisputably are or have this condition / way of being but can choose whether or not to make that part of your personality / to declare it as a disability or difference - the expectation would be that there are lots of trans people who just are trans but don't declare it as a difference or as anything noteworthy. Who just get on with their normal lives.

Note: just being trans as a non-noteworthy way of being is not the same as just being a woman or man (of female or male sex).

So 'I am trans, I am a man (socially context, gender) and I identify as a man (explanation of difference between social and physical condition) are all consistent remarks.

Likewise, 'I am deaf, I am not disabled (social context) and I do not identify as disabled (explanation of difference between social and physical condition).

I see it as similar to real gender dysphoria in men vs men identifying as women. Men with gender dysphoria can have a terrible time of it but men who choose to identify as women only want the sexy, sparkly, fun bits that make you (in your own mind) seem quirky and special, not the violence, domestic drudgery, physical problems and all the sexist crap that women can't identify out of.

@CautiousLurker I don't think I've ever mentioned my location on here (so I wonder if you've muddled me with someone?) and I'm not aware of Appear - although it sounds like something I would steer clear of now if I was! 😬❤️

But yes, that makes a lot of sense and resonates.

some useful info for NT people to know, but some also suggesting that they should be able to ‘be themselves’ at work and work environments should make adjustments to this just as they do for other ‘reasonable adjustment’ conditions.
really not sure this would work out well! I’m hardly going to start interrupting conversations (as is my instinct sadly) or abruptly walking away saying ‘I need to end this conversation but I don’t know how to’ etc. I’m happy to learn ‘effective masking’ and indeed everyone needs to mask to an extent- for some NT people it’s just nothing like as exhausting- don’t you think? 🤔

This makes a lot of sense to me @Catgotyourbrain

Sorry, you’re right! Chat with so many people on here and often muddle everyone up.

There are CICs like Appeer all over the country that are popping up with a female autism slant. I’d hoped they would be ideology free, but was chatting to a couple of ladies from the Birmingham and Scotland recently about similar groups and they’ve all found the ideology inclusiveness due, I think, to advice from the NAS.

I would like to see the NAS disavow Mermaids/Stonewall but they are still very present on their webpages!

Ah, thanks for this - I may have to email and just ask the question. It’s supposed to be independent of the NAS but if it’s really meant to be for girls and women, then it needs to be sex based (and therefore ideology free, in my book).

A few years ago they held a ‘gaming’ day at a local eSport centre for 16-18yos that would have been right up my DD’s street, but I was too wary of booking her in!

I’m happy to learn ‘effective masking’ and indeed everyone needs to mask to an extent- for some NT people it’s just nothing like as exhausting- don’t you think? 🤔

Yes I agree completely!

or abruptly walking away saying ‘I need to end this conversation but I don’t know how to’ etc.

The mental image this gave me with the look of complete confusion on the other person’s face as you walk away 😂

I work from home and am self-employed because every time I try to work with other people it ends up with me crashing and burning after a number of months. I’m fine with the work but not fine with the social atmosphere, I just burnout and become a mess. I’m not sure I can ask for my adjustment to be zero contact with anybody, doubt it would be considered reasonable 😅

As an aside, today I went mini-golfing. I thought I was doing really well and acting very normally asking the attendant a question about the course, and kept wondering why she wasn’t making eye contact with me and instead kept staring at my chest. I thought, hmm is she autistic, with the zero eye contact? After she had left I looked at my chest and saw I had stored a golf ball in each chest pocket, making a very strange round protrusion over each boob. 😐

😂

CatFeet · Today 17:11

About 30 Dutch people are looking at me quizzically, because I burst out laughing...

😄

That's interesting. "Thinking of my negative thoughts as a parrot that I tell to shut up" is a very off-putting idea to me, but being aware that I had a habit of not challenging negative thoughts has been helpful to me. I can't see my thoughts as parrots!

Another thing to be wary of in online spaces for autistic people is the prevalence of incel ideology. Full of men looking for ‘dating advice’ about how to approach females, peppered with incel tropes about how dangerous females are to men. Feels like Ferengi Tinder sometimes.

The talk of tensions between masking and being 'free to be me' leads into the 'bring your whole self to work' issue.

When at work we should bring the professional part of ourselves to work, not our full selves. Some people might need additional guidance and specification for doing this, alongside other adjustments. Organisations can also make universal design' adjustments to make the work environment more inclusive and enabling to those with different needs. All of which should be focussed on enabling people to do their jobs well and in as much comfort as can reasonably be afforded.

We start to get into grey areas when moving into non work related aspects. Many companies encourage employees not to make assumptions about sexual orientation. For example, when talking to a colleague about her recent honeymoon, not automatically asking whether her husband enjoyed it (she has a wife), instead using the term 'partner'. However, this is different to wanting to talk to colleagues about your 'ace identity' (aka asexuality).

As more people are feeling emboldened to demand the workplace serves as a place for receiving validation for aspects of their identity, the social codes and norms get more complex to navigate. This makes life more difficult for those autistic people who find social norms difficult to understand even in conservative situations where long-standing norms are in place and upheld. The 'queering of the workplace' doesn't seem to be doing much for productivity nor for the comfort of the majority of the workforce, including those with protected characteristics.

I agree with this, but apparently am a dinosaur and terfy to boot. I truly think that home and with friends and family is where we get to be our authentic selves.

I would never want to get back to a time where a gay man can’t reference going away for the weekend with their husband/kids (or vice versa), so I am not talking about having to hide/pretend to be something else… just that I don’t need to know the minutiae of my colleagues lives. I know their names/sex/work function, that’s all I need in order to interact with them or reference them in management or client meetings and writing. It’s all the clients/customers need to know.

I don’t need to know their religion, aside from the fact they may leave early on Fridays if they are Jewish, or need to pop to a faith room to pray a couple of times during the day so avoid scheduling staff/client meetings at that time if they’re needed. I don’t need to know if they are vegan unless I am arranging a staff social and I could care less the reasons why. Unless something in their personal life impacts work performance and/or requires accommodations… no-one needs to know.

We’ve gone full circle from people hiding who they are because of draconian, (homophobic/racist/misogynistic) laws that I am pleased have now gone… to arriving at the office psychically naked.

I cried when my son was diagnosed as having mild autism. The things that we hoped he would grow out of...he never will. His "bad habits" - rudeness, bluntness, lack of social awareness - they're not bad habits, they're him and he will always have to try to mitigate them. He has a lifelong, limiting disability.

I wish he could just identify it away.

We focus on supporting him, teaching him and reminding him that he has strengths and weaknesses like everyone else, just in different areas.

Lots of the “identify as” people shout very loudly (identifying as “advocates”) & drown out the carers of people with autism who literally cannot speak for themselves. Frequently having the absolutely nerve to claim that they are just as - if not more - disabled as those people whose advocates they reject. Often it is claimed that those who advocate for people with L2/L3 autism have no business doing so; with the Identify As brigade centring themselves so completely that they chunter on about their parents & teachers; utterly refusing to accept &/or acknowledge that their experience is completely removed from that of someone who requires 24/7 care. Episodes of mutism ≠ being unable to speak, sign, or use any kind of communication tool; having once got so wrapped up in your special interest you eventually had to dash to the loo ≠ being [doubly] incontinent; struggling to budget (that one’s more from the “neurospicy”) ≠ being unable to make any kind of transaction by yourself whether in-person or online…

”Diagnosis is a privilege” has been imported wholesale from the US to the UK & applied to any condition you can think of. So people without a diagnosis position themselves as lacking privilege (even when they’d be able to go private or in fact have gone private & have been told they don’t have whatever condition!) & manipulate SocJus dynamics to speak over those who are very badly impacted by things. Gah.

"Mild autism" may show itself more as a learning difficulty than as a lifelong disability. People with what used to be called Aspergers often eventually work out how to fit in reasonably well with people who know by instinct how society works. So you could look on it as a slowness, a struggle, to reach social maturity and to understand and learn expected behaviours.

Unfortunately, the social immaturity may also show up in one to one romantic relationships, and a couple including one partner with mild autism may have a lot of work to do to understand each other and this can be a painful process - but it can happen.

Yup. I've come across this quite a bit as someone who works in the field. Many of those who advocate in this way have personality disorders rather than or as well as autism.

These people often also advocate for having doctors, teachers etc. who are also autistic. There is one group trying to set up a school where everyone, from governors through to mid day meals supervisors are autistic. Can you imagine if this were a reality and everyone was 'autistic' in the same way as they are (thinking their views and experience represents everyone's). This is the exact opposite to best autism practice that is person centred as draws upon, as a starting point, what is known to help many people with autism and learning disabilities. This is then adapted in line with each individual's preferences.