How do they not 'get it'

[EllenLRipley]

I was talking to a family member and they broadly agree with me re women's rights and single sex spaces but feel the debate is 'exaggerated' and 'overblown'. This person deeply cares about me. This persons sister(17) was in hospital and DF had to argue to ensure she was not put on a mixed sex ward over night. Only when he said he was staying all night to keep her safe did they find a female bed for her. I have a condition that is likely to lead to paralysis. I am likely to spend periods in hospital within the next 20 years. But he cannot seem to see that we are directly adversely effected and frankly frightened about going into hospital if a trans identified male is on the ward. Karen White lived 2 miles from this family members home but he still doesn't seem to be able to shake the view that 'this doesn't really happen' or 'the real issue is the Torys defunding the hospitals/prisons/schools" etc.

How does this mindset work? Is this cognitive dissonance?

First time sharing a link so I hope this works.

I think this highlights the point perfectly.

Many (most) men cannot imagine that lurch of fear many women feel on encountering a man where he shouldn’t be. In opposite circumstances, they may feel embarrassed and that’s all.

They fail to compare like with like: what they should be imagining is how they would feel if they encountered a bear in the changing room, not a woman.

So the men who think it’s offensive that many women choose the bear would be unable (unwilling) to grasp why women’s single sex spaces would even be important, never mind understanding how we feel when we see all the perverted men in skirts who bully women on social media for sport and think what it means that the government supports them invading our spaces.

So rape and other assaults by men are something we shouldn't be het up about?

I'd be telling him to fuck off to the far side of fuck as the last thing I ever said to him by that point.

Haven't listened to the whole thing yet - does he, at any point in his "learn self defence" fantasy, acknowledge the enormous strength disparity between men and women?

Anecdotally find the opposite- most decent men are deeply suspicious and scathing of other men. Dh always assumes the worst of random men’s motives. You often get women gushing how “lovely “ a man is and other men eye roll as they know the truth.

exactly woman deserve their own safe spaces .

After this? He's a horrible person who actively enjoys upsetting you.

He doesn't care about women, and additionally enjoys winding you up about something you care deeply for when you are already upset. Men like that are well worth avoiding, they take great pleasure in needling us.

Agree with Catsmere I'd have told him to fuck off too.

In short, he knows AGPs are perverts who shouldn't be in women's spaces, but he doesn't actually care what they do when they are.

True.

True.

I can see that it looks bleak, but I just hope that there's a tipping point. The worst excesses of genderwoo was already been brought into public sight by the Cass Review. I watched the ITV News last night, and they covered the Baird report in Manchester, and after that, a piece on harassment in city centres with Jess Phillips.

No he really doesn't seem to get it at all. Julie is brilliant as ever and tries her best to explain the many forms that male violence takes and the many ways that women do protect and shield themselves.

Men don't see the sheer effort that women put into avoiding avoiding male violence, placating potentially violent males and avoiding situations where they may be vulnerable.

If a guinea pig had to spend the night at the vets on a bed next to a dog - even if it was a really elderly, really well-trained, well-behaved dog - then a man would appreciate that guinea pig would have a really stressful, really watchful night. But women? They don't even think about our perspective.

He just doesn’t care enough OP. “Yes you’re right dear but it doesn’t affect me so calm down.”

He’s not interested.

Some people seem to think that there’s a middle way solution to every problem, whether it’s possible or not. All we have to do is 'just be kind and compromise'. This naive attitude frustrates the hell out of me because not all issues are solvable this way and usually the people saying this to me have had ridiculously lucky lives with feck all hardship in them.

Thanks! Might not listen to the rest of it, then. I don't need more doses of male obtuseness.

It is beyond frustrating.