How common is it to have the idea of wishing you could change sex cross your mind at some stage

133 replies

opalsandcoffee · 28/06/2024 16:09

I just wonder how many of us female adults, particularly oldies, have had a stage in our lives when we wished we were physically male. (or the other way around)

I can remember distinctly have a stage when I desperately wished for a penis instead of a vagina - I don't know how long it lasted, maybe a few months? I think I was about 12 or 13.

The reasons were firstly, I didn't want periods, and secondly, I was afraid, from what I knew about sex. I understood it that women had to have the passive role and accept what was done to them by men, and I very much wanted to be the person who was going to be in control when I started having relationships. I also wanted to be the stronger sex in general

I just think this may actually be quite a common phase, and not really mean young people are trans.

OP posts:

DiamondTriangle · 21/07/2024 10:31

When I was a teenager I longed to be a boy just for a day to see what it would feel like and to see how men think . Just curiosity not wanting a permanent change

Justwrong68 · 21/07/2024 10:45

I noticed at age 12, men didn't have to do any work around the house. Then I read the female Eunuch. Then came Brideshead Revisited and its aesthetic which I loved. I also fetishised women and as lesbianism wasn't even mentioned growing up, becoming a man seemed a very attractive option. I wore my dad's shirt and tie, some cricket trousers and brogues. The phase was so short lived, I don't even have photos. I read in woman's own in about 1985 about surgeons experimenting with the idea of making a penis for sex change women, out of grafted skin; but that just made me feel sick.

SaltPorridge · 21/07/2024 11:06

Grammarnut · 05/07/2024 18:04

When I was just a teenager I read a great many adventure stories. They all had heroes, not heroines, and any girls had a fairly passive role (not always, but often). One day I found myself wishing I was a boy so that I could have all these adventures. I did discover Violet Needham who has female protagonists and also Geoffrey Trease who often had strong girls as characters (The Hills of Varna is an example, as to an extent Thunder of Valmy). They helped a bit to resolve my unhappiness. I am so happy that it is now possible to read adventurous stories with girls having actual adventures and driving the plot.

The idea that female role models are increasingly more adventurous etc is not necessarily accurate. As you say Violet Needham and Geoffrey Trease had strong female leads.
I grew up reading Arthur Ransome books about children having adventures which featured girls as leaders doing exciting and heroic deeds. They were written in the 1930s. See also Malcolm Saville and Enid Blyton.
When it comes to adults, I don't know how I feel about female heroes or superheroes who can fight as well as men, because it's not realistic.
When I first heard about parents bringing their kids up "gender neutral " I thought we might see more girls out being active like playing football, riding bikes. In reality, by me roughly zero girls play out at all, or ride bikes to school. Boys run/ cycle around in groups from about age 8. So the gap between actual male and female strength maybe increasing.

Justwrong68 · 21/07/2024 11:11

PurpleBugz · 28/06/2024 17:58

Yup I had a year or so with short hair desperately wishing I was a boy. It was because I wanted out of how I was treated as a girl. Also jealous of the freedoms male children my age had that I was denied due to being female.

Im also Bi and fancy women more than men. That confused me loads as a kid I never knew Bisexual was a thing I thought there was something wrong with me. Also once I was older and knew my sexuality was fine I still felt I didn't fit in because im autistic and that's a life sentence to feeling alien. It strikes horror into my heart to know if I was a child today I would absolutely be transitioning.

To be honest I still feel I wish I was male sometimes now. I have a disabled child and the father is never expected to care for him because he works. I had to give up working and that's just expected. I got sick once and ex had to have ds a whole week the poor man- the fucking praise he got from all the professionals involved with ds fucked me right off. Massive smack in the face that women are not valued for the things men are praised for.

That's so shocking! But I do always have to explain that I'm the worker to teachers who make assumptions

Justwrong68 · 21/07/2024 11:17

@Blimpton
Try testosterone as part of your HRT!

Justwrong68 · 21/07/2024 11:20

SquirrelSoShiny · 28/06/2024 18:49

I definitely had a stage around 12 or 13 where I felt very unsettled and hated all the misogynistic crap I was starting to experience. By 14 I was much more at peace with things. I'm ND and bisexual and these seem to be common overlaps with gender dysphoria. Like most people I grew out of it, I'm just still not terribly 'girlie'.

This is a great summary

Justwrong68 · 21/07/2024 11:41

chillidoritto · 21/07/2024 10:28

The ironic thing today though is that girls CAN play football, play with cars, are encouraged to do engineering degrees etc!

If a mum says her daughter refuses to wear a dress everyone will reassure her that it’s fine to let her wear joggers - which is good!

That why I don't get the trend in regressive sexual stereotypes. Non binary makes more sense but still contributes to compelled speech

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 21/07/2024 11:43

At one point I wanted to know how it felt to have a penis.

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