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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

school request

22 replies

Commonhousewitch · 17/06/2024 08:13

DS's (boys only) school has requested donations for hampers to be auctioned at a school event for the school, Hampers are themed..one year group has "Bloke Basket -BBQ tools, car cleaning, toiletries,games etc " another has "Ladies basket -beauty, homewares, makeup, nail polish, scarves, candles, bath salts etc"

I find this really grating - in the past (different school i have vaguely nticed similar stereotyping for mothers day presents etc but it didn't bother me as much for some reason. I think it is the name as much as anything

OP posts:
noshadowatnoon · 17/06/2024 08:14

call them out on this straight away - this is horrific. (so are stereotypical "mothers day gifts")

Runor · 17/06/2024 08:44

And this is what they are teaching the boys 😱

Alwayswonderedwhy · 17/06/2024 08:46

Are they aware it's 2024? I hope this attitude isn't reflected during lesson times!

parietal · 17/06/2024 08:55

i'd definitely call them out on it.

IwantToRetire · 17/06/2024 17:50

It must make you wonder what they are teaching your DS and the other boys!

Is there any way to let them know you find it very old fashioned and silly stereotypes.

Nothing against having a hamper of useful equipment for do it yourself fans, and one for those like having the option to unwind or something.

I mean even tv shows now have cooking, carpentary, clothes making, and so on with both sexes taking part.

Or maybe just send them a jokey note about why aren't they catering for the non binaries?!!

newtlover · 17/06/2024 19:59

you could send in donations that are clearly labelled that counter the stereotype?
eg
Blokes basket donation- scented candle/handcream/jewellry
Ladies hamper- screwdriver set/football themed mug/car gadget

I agree it makes you wonder what they are teaching the boys. Just loudly and publicly deride the whole exercise

Original poster
Commonhousewitch · 18/06/2024 00:34

I have called them out- just waiting for a response- i think the head is just ignoring me!
There have been incidents before now i think about it - they say things like they are teaching subjects by focusing on things that boys are interested in - i asked how they knew? it seemed to be skateboards and things with wheels...
I also had a debate with the headteacher (as I was concerned about DS going to an all boys school) where he told me that there was research that boys did better in single sex schools - i was surprised and asked him to share ..it appears to be secret non publicly available research..

OP posts:
paasll · 18/06/2024 00:41

i wouldn’t have called them out. I’d have let it go so that they could focus on education. You can educate and inform your kids re stereotypes yourself.

and I believe it’s girls who do better in single sex. Boys do better in mixed.

IwantToRetire · 18/06/2024 00:48

You can educate and inform your kids re stereotypes yourself.

I think the reality is you can hope to influence your own children, but the reality is their school friends, social and mainstream media, let alone teachers, all saying the opposite to you probably have more sway.

And why isn't it part of education to include facts and information about men and women?!

Sounds like the school is abusing its position as an educator to indoctrinate boys with the rather reactionary ideas of ... the head?, the govenors?

And will hardly help them when they leave school and go to university or further training where they will meet young women who will think they have arrived from the stone age.

BeachParty · 18/06/2024 01:30

That'd have me raising eyebrows too.
Just because you're a girl, doesn't mean you automatically want pink sparkly things or bath bombs.
Same if you're a boy you don't automatically want trucks and screwdrivers!
I'd have wanted to say something too, it's backwards thinking.

GenderRealistBloke · 18/06/2024 02:05

I'd have thought the names make it better, not worse.

Isn't it a hamper full of blokeish things and ladylike things? Not one for men and one for women.

Despite my username I'm not particularly blokeish.

I'd expect a Blokes Hamper to probably not be for me, and to be signaling that.

GenderRealistBloke · 18/06/2024 02:18

I do agree that doing this in a school is worse than doing this in general life. In general life I can't really see harm in it.

Original poster
Commonhousewitch · 19/06/2024 04:28

paasll · 18/06/2024 00:41

i wouldn’t have called them out. I’d have let it go so that they could focus on education. You can educate and inform your kids re stereotypes yourself.

and I believe it’s girls who do better in single sex. Boys do better in mixed.

Its better if everyone is educating them on stereotypes- its difficult to constantly have to counter stereotypes especially when they come from a person in authority. I also want society to change- if boys are at homes where stereotypes aren't being challenged how do they change?

the point on boys single sex education was the point i was making where the head said i was wrong and has produced zero evidence to back it up

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 19/06/2024 05:16

How many women would seriously prefer the blokes basket over the women’s basket? How many women would look at the blokes basket and not instantly think it was a blokes basket? Any breakdown of spending patterns would show that women are overwhelmingly purchasing the items in the womens basket but we all have to pretend we don’t know that to fit in with some bizarre social engineering experiment.

Original poster
Commonhousewitch · 19/06/2024 07:16

i can't stand candles, scarves and bath salts - i don't like car gear either - i'd be interested in knowing what the games were

But we don't know why women/men buy what they do- to what extent is this social conditioning? labelling stuff isn't helpful -let alone the use of the vomit worthy term ladies

OP posts:
Pinkl · 19/06/2024 07:31

This would have me raising an eyebrow as well! Can you suggest that they rename them at least? (Even the fact they’ve used ladies and gone with blokes for the men annoys me!)

ladies could be Pamper hamper or wellbeing hamper.

blokes maybe something like weekend helper hamper (I’m sure you can come up with a catchier name that works) or do a full on BBQ hamper with nice spices, wine etc.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/06/2024 07:35

Happyinarcon · 19/06/2024 05:16

How many women would seriously prefer the blokes basket over the women’s basket? How many women would look at the blokes basket and not instantly think it was a blokes basket? Any breakdown of spending patterns would show that women are overwhelmingly purchasing the items in the womens basket but we all have to pretend we don’t know that to fit in with some bizarre social engineering experiment.

I'd specifically ask for the blokes' one. I've got E45 for handcream and a bottle of nail varnish already - what I could do with is another set of screwdrivers and at least 3 10mm sockets to allow for DP's tendency to use things and decide to 'keep them safe' in his stuff, rather than in my tool cupboard where they came from.

C4tintherug · 19/06/2024 17:49

I suspect the hampers are probably arranged by the PTA and all organisation for them is done by some well meaning volunteer.
The school probably shared the communication asking for donations but I would suggest this is the first the head has heard of it and now he has to think carefully about approaching the PTA without alienating them.

CleftChin · 19/06/2024 18:03

I suspect I'd get a lot more use out of the 'blokes' basket myself.

When my kid's primary did a similar thing but with 'boys' and 'girls' baskets with lists of suggestions to sign up for I seem to recall I was asked to provide a ball for the boys basket and a skipping rope for the girls - so I provided both for both.

Plenty of men like a smelly candle, plenty of women run the BBQ.

They should just stick to food hampers if they can't keep gender stereotypes out of it.

Sageyboots · 19/06/2024 18:10

Pinkl · 19/06/2024 07:31

This would have me raising an eyebrow as well! Can you suggest that they rename them at least? (Even the fact they’ve used ladies and gone with blokes for the men annoys me!)

ladies could be Pamper hamper or wellbeing hamper.

blokes maybe something like weekend helper hamper (I’m sure you can come up with a catchier name that works) or do a full on BBQ hamper with nice spices, wine etc.

Agree with this.

you can have themed hampers without attaching a gender to that theme. Otherwise it’s just reinforcing outdated stereotypes.

Isthisjustnormal · 19/06/2024 18:12

I’ve organised similar things as fundraisers: it’s easy to do this in a way that isn’t horridly sexist, so 100% call this out. It sounds like only two are from the 1940s so I’d suggest they rethink those. Personally I’d position this as ‘inappropriate for a forward thinking school that isn’t reliant on outdated sexual stereotypes’ and ‘sending inappropriate sexist stereotypes for pupils’ - a ‘pamper hamper and a weekend DIY hamper could contain the same things but a different message and positioning. Oh and from a sales perspective might then be bid for by people looking for gifts…

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