How should I vote

[Extrahotpleasenottoomilky]

I have a dilemma about how to vote on July 4th. The variables:

1. My eldest child (almost 18) identifies as trans.
2. I find this really, really difficult. By instinct, I'm fairly gender-critical and believe in the preservation of biologically selective women's spaces, sports etc.
3. On the other hand, after a recent massive falling out with child, I vowed to suppress my feelings and try to support them and their identity as much as I can. Relationship with child more important than my feelings, etc.
4. Now to the GE. My MP is a massive, vocal, trans-advocate. It's a safe seat and she doesn't need my vote, but any of the parties I would entertain voting for (ie not Conservative or Reform) are all v liberal on the subject of trans identity. On this policy point, I wouldn't choose any of the parties but I'm open to Labour if their manifesto reassures me that they've learned something from Cass.

However, however, the bloody MP! She'd put Cass in the shredder. Voting for her would be the right thing by my child, probably the right thing to do in relation to the bigger picture, but deeply, deeply the wrong thing by my (feminist) heart. Can't see any independents worth the vote, and I've never yet spoilt my paper. Is this the only thing I can do in good conscience?

What would you do, wise ones?

Would voting for the MP that would put cass in the bin really be the best thing for your child?
I would think if my child identified as trans I would be be voting for a politician that supports more safeguards in the treatment of gender dysphoria and scientifically backed treatments.
Your vote is private, they don't need to know who you voted for. I would vote where my conscious lies, not to appease others in my life.

Vote with your conscience or spoil your ballot. It's no-one else's business. If you're pushed remind the questioner that people fought for the right to vote in private.

Ignore this.....

That's the rational response and probably what most sensible people would think. Purely emotionally, however, I suppose I'd like to not have the secret of denying a trans-activist candidate my vote, because of their transactivism.

So, as far as I can tell, the only parties on the other side of this issue are Cons and Reform (unless the independents come good), and I'm not voting for either of those.

Have you got an SDP candidate in your area?

https://sdp.org.uk/policies/transgender-and-biological-sex-based-rights/

Unfortunately not. Cons, Lab, LibDem, Green, Reform, Workers something, independents.

I vowed to suppress my feelings and try to support them and their identity as much as I can. Relationship with child more important than my feelings, etc.

Your relationship with your child is the key thing here, isn't it? And how on earth does one separate that from feelings?!

You can vote for whomever you want. It's nobody's business but yours. Your choice. Your life. Your vote.

Voting for her would be the right thing by my child

I really don't see how this follows, unless you mean you are obliged to share all your child's beliefs to have a relationship with them? That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.

Children need boundaries, they need respectful, caring relationships, and they need to learn to live with views that may not accord with theirs. They don't need a parent that acquiesces to everything they demand, or abnegates themself.

Must admit, I'm still undecided too and I haven't got anybody putting pressure on me to vote a particular way. I generally lean left but my labour candidate is new and I know nothing about them whereas I actually like my local conservative MP. Throw in women's rights and really not sure which way to vote.

If your child stated that they had joined a Christian-derived cult, would you vote to allow that cult to have more power in government?

OK, if we take my offspring out of the question, what do people think then? Spoil the paper? I won't vote Tory or Reform; Green, Lib Dem and Labour all endorse gender ideology I disagree with. I've answered my own question here, haven't I...

PS, I should clarify, my child is in no way exerting any pressure on me to vote for a particular candidate. I'm not sure they're even aware of our MP's views on this specific topic, but I know they would vote for the MP's party on the basis of its policies across most issues. As would I, otherwise.

No one can or should advise you who to vote for. I'm a bit shocked that Mumsnet has allowed this thread to stand.

What are the independents like? They're unlikely to win, but if you can find one who you think sounds reasonable, it's better than spoiling your vote, and may help them keep their deposit.

Take the gender issue out and see who aligns to your political issues most that way first. For me, it's Labour as they look to do more for social care, education and mental health in their vocalisation so far.

Of course people can advise you who to vote for. Our whole political process is based on people trying to persuade you to vote in one direction or another.

Write to them and lay it out clearly.

The MP, I mean.

Exactly. I asked for advice. I'm not advocating for a particular party, and neither has any of the contributions. The whole thread is not party specific, other than excluding Cons and Reform.

The conservatives are the only party that match your views on this. Reform is a business not a party. So on that basis if I were you I’d vote conservative, failing that not vote at all. Which just shows what a shitstorm selection of feeble / populist / lightweight options we have.

If you vote for any party they will claim you are signed up to all of their ideology, even though that is batshit. Therefore the only sensible policy, if none of the parties represent you, is to write on your ballot either none of the above or perhaps Party of Women. Dont put anything alongside a name or it may be taken as a vote for them, even if you write fuck off.

You can advocate for sympathy for those who have suffered from this ideology without voting for those who would support harming other children.

This.
Vote for who you want to vote for, not what others tell you to.
Read the manifestos and make your own mind up instead of relying on others to do it for you, or be swayed by their biases.

I won't/can't vote Tory, Reform, Labour, LibDem or Green, so before the election was called had already decided that if a small party or independent stood and they weren't awful, I'd vote for them to help them keep their deposit. PoW isn't standing here, nor any independents, but the communist party are, so they can have my vote to save me spoiling my ballot again.

The Workers Party manifesto says there will be no support for identity politics. But after hearing what GG had to say about LGB people I couldn't vote for that.

I think perhaps you missed the essence of my point, which was, I don't want to vote for my MP because they are a trans activist, regardless of what their party's manifesto may or may not say.

I do think it's legitimate to ask for other people's thoughts when in a dilemma. If I knew who I wanted to vote for, I wouldn't have needed to start this thread.

Of course people can ask for advice and people can offer suggestions, opinions and advice. Bit of an odd idea to suggest it's somehow not allowed?

What do PPs think political campaigning is all about? Doorknocking? Marches? Taxi driver monologues on the hot topic of the day? People wearing pins on their lapels?