Strangulation, porn, and sex ed

[ArabellaScott]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cnkkqyek17zo

Contains descriptions of violence and sexual violence.

Disturbing.

I've seen this and can't begin to articulate my feelings.

I am so glad to be too old to have had this happen, but friends who were single more recently or who have dated younger men have encountered it. It makes me wonder if we should now be giving much more conservative and cautious sex ed to girls than we needed to a generation ago. Casual sex has obviously always had risks, but this shouldn’t be such a common one. I hope more effective control of phones and porn mean the next generation don’t have to deal with this too.

I am so glad to be too old to have had this happen, but friends who were single more recently or who have dated younger men have encountered it.

iirc, it's FermatsTheorem (or something like that) who said, "I've written it down and told all my friends that I only consent to gentle, 'vanilla' sex. If I'm ever found dead in circumstances where somebody claims I consented, they're lying." (Paraphrase - and it was before the time when "We can't consent to this" was set up.)

https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/

x.com/safeschools_uk/status/1798446848354681116?s=46

We have a thread on this. Although we are horrified we are not shocked.

Safeguarding has been dropped. When we asked the PSHE association about their safeguarding policies, given they were producing and endorsing so much RSE content they looked confused. Their answer was that all their staff were DBS checked. When we reminded them they should be carrying out safer recruitment they said they didn't go into schools. They had no idea why RSE and safeguarding were so linked.

When we challenged coram on their "sex positive" resources asking them why they were telling 14 year olds porn could be fun they told us it was essential to "keep girls safe". And the NSPCC have failed on so many levels they need to be closed down and investigated.

This is why we need a public inquiry.

A public enquiry is overdue! Seems it needs to address so many disparate issues .... I.suppose we need several. Safeguarding in schools being one.

Yes. And shame on the groups who purport to care about the influence of gender ideology but have stayed silent over an inquiry.

We see you.

Agree @ResisterRex

We do not understand why everyone is not calling for a public inquiry

Horrifying. This is the result of images and films showing women being sexually abused and violently assaulted aka porn being so readily accessible. I understand the strangulation of women is now a pretty common feature of online porn. I fear for my DDs and have had to have conversations with them that I would never have imagined necessary when they were born. What a world 😢

As I said above it seems like several disparate areas. NHS, schools, civil service, media, academia.

Would it be one enquiry into 'gender' ideas, or would each area have separate enquiries?

It would have to be one inquiry into how SG frameworks have been dismantled across the board.

Here is our statement: safeschoolsallianceuk.net/2024/04/20/join-our-call-for-a-public-inquiry/

Is there a good reason* why death and injury due to choking/strangulation shouldn't be strict liability offences?

I can't think of how you would find yourself with your hands round someone's throat by mistake.

Because no, there's no way of guaranteeing someone's safety if you choke them, and if they "ask for it" you'll want to be thinking very carefully about whether that's worth the guilt if they have a stroke or die.

*But she said she liked it isn't a good reason and people that stupid shouldn't escape prosecution if they're reported for a crime.

The fact boys think that choking is a thing that happens in sex is to do with porn, not teachers.
It's important that teachers can counter the stuff children are exposed to online.

I would rather see the Government (whichever party it is) crack down on Internet safety, violent degrading porn and age verification. Than a weak ass enquiry into "safeguarding" in schools that's going to do precisely nothing to stop boys choking girls during sex.

Of course it's to do with porn but then some schools follow a strict called positive RSE curriculum which tells kids porn can be fun. Did you read the twitter thread I shared? It should explain the. I text of a public inquiry.

Did you also read our statement on the PI I linked to outlining what the inquiry should do? This is not just a review of safeguarding in schools. We need to public inquiry into how safeguarding has been undermined and would include your examples.

Thanks. I've not been on here much so thanks for the heads up.

Thanks, I will send a letter. Unfortunately as my MP is SNP he is as much use as a chocolate teapot, but I'll send it anyway!

Thank you for this, it’s very helpful.

Yes a public enquiry is long overdue on the complete and utter abandonment of basic safeguarding principles.

I also think it would be a lot easier for parents, teachers and the upcoming generation if it was made explicit in law that any fatalities or injuries caused by strangulation would result in a prison sentence. No defence of consent accepted. Just "this action is illegal, if you are found to have strangled someone, whether they supposedly wanted you to or not, you will go to prison".

It's one of the nasty elements of porn that there should be a cultural shift against, it's not required and clearly these pornographers show their hatred towards women with choking.

Unfortunately not enough people will take a stand against it for fear of "kink-shaming".

I agree with the need for a cultural shift. As a mechanism of action, how well do public inquiries work to bring about change?

Relative to dramas or press campaigns or in general?

Unfortunately not enough people will take a stand against it for fear of "kink-shaming"

I'm relatively more comfortable with kink-shaming than feeling a shared cultural unease and responsibility for creating a permissive, passive consent to the harms to young women and our current understanding of sexual relationships.

That was the aim of 'we can't consent to this '.

Thank you
I worry that some approaches to safeguarding will lead to a hostile environment for discussion of any of these things. Boys asking the teachers for tips is shocking, but at least means the teachers can intervene. I wouldn't want "safeguarding" to take away that option by forbidding discussion of some topics.

Who would be the Labour lead on child safeguarding? Angela Rayner?