Update, following my meeting with members of the school SLT this week. Bit of a long one but hopefully there are some useful thoughts for anyone who is already engaged with a school SLT on this subject, or thinking of doing so.
TL:DR
Progress! Without the Progress flag 🙃
More info:
I'm glad I got my head fully round the KCSIE position ahead of the meeting as this was pivotal to all of it, as suggested above. In order to enact change within the school, they need a solid foundation. Because the 2024 guidance is not in place yet, and is potentially subject to change until it is, they have not yet changed their policies. However, their view was that a) the document won't change around the LGB and "gender questioning" update and b) that it's helpful that it references both the Cass Report and the Gender Questioning Children guidance. They are internally preparing for this as an SLT ready for training staff in September.
This is a significant mindset shift within the SLT. It's not fully there yet but it's well on the way, and it doesn't look like it will slip backwards 🤞
As far as they are aware, they have informed all parents whose children are "gender questioning" (this is a step forward from where they were) and they acknowledge the shortfall between the guidance and the vulnerability of children like my daughter. At my request, the lead responsible for my daughter's EHCP was also in the meeting, so that they can consider how they support other children in her position within the options available to them.
All reference to "gender" has been removed from the RHSE materials. They are managing gender identity as a belief (this was how they explained it to me), and recognise that as such, it doesn't belong in the teaching materials. They were also clear that "gender identity" and the gender reassignment PC are not the same thing. This tallies well with the draft guidance on RHSE materials, even though we don't know its outcome under the next government.
"Gender questioning" children can either use the facilities commensurate with their sex or separate, single occupancy facilities for changing and toilets. Also, they confirmed that no child is told to use anyone's preferred pronouns i.e. this is not upheld as something that children/staff need to do. We talked a little about avoiding pronouns entirely as one method of achieving this. This tallies well with the draft guidance on Gender Questioning Children, even though we don't know it's outcome under the next government (and even though it's non-statutory).
We talked about the challenges of managing a belief in gender identity within the staff. They were keen to forge a path where the belief that we all have a gender identity wasn't "promoted or facilitated, either consciously or subconsciously" (their words), The unions have said that staff using preferred pronouns on emails is a matter of personal choice.... I suggested that one way to manage this in staff training could be to raise awareness of the impact of sharing pronouns. To non-believers, pronouns are associated with someone's sex, so introducing the idea that we should share our pronouns is an indirect promotion of the belief. In theory, it's as innocuous as wishing someone Merry Christmas or Eid Mubarak.. but in practice, it's not.
They are thinking about the messaging to staff across the whole school, from a statutory/legal perspective as well as common sense. Not an easy task when the majority of the guidance is either not final or not statutory. They have quite the challenge on their hands but have already started it e.g. although the library book selection still includes books which promote the belief, they have opened dialogue with the staff. They are conscious that a significant number of their younger staff believe that everyone has a gender identity and see this as fact, not belief. We discussed that it's helpful that Dr Cass and Gillian Keegan clearly also believe in it, yet have found a pathway through that is centred on safeguarding and medical evidence.
They all said that they no longer used the word "gender" themselves and were building this language in to the school e.g. they no longer have additional facilities labelled as "gender neutral".
In my experience so far, I believe that the majority of "activism" that I am countering in the school comes from a (misplaced) centring of kindness and support, particularly for LGB people. I fully expect to bump in to nefarious actors at some point, particularly in my conversations beyond the school, but the "slow and steady" approach of balancing beliefs is working on a practical level. It is also helpful that awareness of both the conflict of interest with LGB and the instances of autogynophilia is gaining momentum in the public discourse. I haven't mentioned AGP at all during my conversations with the school, as it hasn't been necessary to do so and unfortunately I still think it would come across as "conspiracy theory" if I did.
I fully accept that I have been fortunate to find people with whom I could open up a dialogue, starting initially with my daughter and her EHCP at the centre. It could easily have gone very differently right from the start if I had not been so fortunate.