Mind the pleasure gap: Why are women having such a bad time in the bedroom?

[IwantToRetire]

Sex positivity feels like it is everywhere, but apparently not in our bedrooms. A new survey has shown that two in three <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.ph/o/xfER7/www.independent.co.uk/topic/women" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">women are doing things during sex that they don’t enjoy and, more worryingly, one in four saying they find it hard to say “stop” to a partner doing something they don’t like.

These statistics, from a survey of 3,000 adults conducted by dating app Pure, may sound shocking, but not me. Nor would they, I suspect, surprise any of the women I know who are very aware of the pleasure gap between what is meant to be happening in the bedroom and what is actually happening in there.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/women-sex-bedroom-relationships-b2531428.html

I am sure articles like this were written 20 or even 30 years ago. And from reading the article the implication seems to be about heterosexual sex, so isn't it about time there is an article about men and their failure to listen to women. Seems as usual women are left feeling it is their fault.

Can also be read at https://archive.ph/xfER7

sex Ed is so bad

I am been too much or can someone relate!
So basically I have been on contraception for 9 years(after my first child) last year I had it removed to have another baby me and my bf have been together 11 years and Iv had contraception in for 4 months and basically we haven’t had sx in that time yet we was having sx when I didn’t have it in and now we aren’t, it’s always I’m tried, he’s been unwell which is understandable or he’s just not into it but 4 months really!? I’m at my wits end with it because I try literally every night but nothing he will do the touchiness through out the day but comes night time nothing, I feel like I’m begging for it at this point? I know it doesn’t make a relationship and yes we are busy people with our work sequels kids home but I just want something😩I tried talking to him the other night and he didn’t really get what I’m trying to say even to the point of ‘this is how affairs start’ to try and give him the hump(obviously no I wouldn’t have an affair) but I just don’t know what to do once the kids are in bed we are just sat downstairs for the evening even in bed we just turn over and that’s it I’ll ask but nope nothing, he’s not doing anything behind my back don’t worry but like what else am I meant to do? A girls got needs right?

For so long we were conditioned to believe that 'good' girls don't sleep around, we don't do this, we don't do that, while teenage boys are told 'dont get a girl pregnant'. There's no shame attached in that same way as there is with us. This is my experience anyway.
Then we grow into women, find partners and its somehow a shock that we don't know what we like or how to communicate what we want or even realise we are being taken advantage of or that we are struggling to communicate our needs.
We need good, secular (can you tell I went to Catholic school) and all inclusive sex education right from early teenage years around contraception, consent and what healthy behaviour looks like in a relationship in my opinion.

It's not that complicated. Many men are absolute shit in bed. It comes from feeling sexually entitled and just plain not giving a damn about their partners. Even if you tell them exactly where and how, they will often just go through the motions while waiting for the "main event" (which, of course, is whatever results in their orgasm.) Naturally, it's a turn-off.
Those are the better ones, too. The lousier ones don't even go through the motions. They just demand whatever sick act they've been watching in porn.

@Momma2024 you have replied to a thread on the women's rights board
definitely as feminists we have views on why, in general, men don't listen to or meet our sexual needs. But if you want to discuss how that's working out in your relationship, you might get more support on the relationships board
or you might just want to moan about men in general in which case stick around 😁

It's not just that he may have a sexual problem, it's that he won't listen to you or try to work it out. There's nothing you can do if he won't participate in the marriage, which requires that you discuss things and listen to each other.
Don't threaten him with an affair. That's coercion, and sex through coercion is sexual abuse. So I wouldn't blame him for turning his back on you after you said that. Instant turn off.

I really think that (some/most?) men's ability to feel sexual arousal at, rather than with, women is the root of a lot of issues with masculinity.

If the person you're fucking is anything less than an enthusiastic collaborator in the activity then you're just using them as an object. I'm not saying it's necessarily rape but it's on the same continuum of behaviour IMO (and yes I have experience of rape). And I doubt men who treat women as objects for sex are magically enlightened when it comes to relations with women in friendships, relationships, employment etc.

I naiively used to think that "sex positivity" and "progress" would mean teaching teenagers that women have just as much entitlement to pleasure as men and empowering women to be able to drive their own sexuality rather than see themselves as performers for men.

Sex positivity seems to mean brainwashing women to accept degrading and painful sex and persuading them selling their bodies is just fine. Positive for men with off colour tastes, not positive for women.

Unfortunately, sex positivity has opened the doors to sex acts that women don't like but feel obliged to take part in because otherwise they are called 'frigid'. Sex positivity is no good thing, I'm afraid.