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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Sad about it all today

10 replies

Sadforthem23 · 12/04/2024 17:09

I had contact with a young transman through my work today. Lovely person but genuinely felt like crying when talking to them. My own daughter has preferred short hair and traditionally boyish clothes since she was 8. Talked about changing name/ wanting to be a boy etc and it's been challenging at times to not give in and go the trans route (school and medical professionals seem to prompt transition, in my experience). Always said I'm happy she can look/dress as she pleases, took her to the barbers for years, always had open dialogue. Now 13 (and diagnosed with autism) and suddenly she's growing her hair, wearing a bra, wearing nail varnish and talking about relationships and kids. Still wears comfy clothes, but is much happier with her changing body. After years of strangers assuming she was a boy (I didn't correct them unless medical/school, at her request), people have stopped calling her 'buddy'!
So it is obviously a personal reaction to this transman, but they had obvious signs of autism (obvious to a mum of an autistic girl), and was obviously taking testosterone due to the voice changes. My mind kept thinking about the permanence of that, and the constant need to try to be something they're not. I won't see them again, but it's really impacted on me today and I'm struggling with my emotions about it. I'm just feeling sad about it all and hoping the Cass report will help future girls, but this one is sticking in my mind. 🙁

OP posts:
Otter2 · 12/04/2024 17:13

It's heartbreaking - no other word for it. The bastards that pushed this horror show should pay.

Zebracat · 12/04/2024 17:15

I know. I spent time with a trans girl last week. They were lovely, have obviously had blockers and wrong sex hormones, but I don’t think they have been castrated. Their parts may not be retrievable any way. I felt so sad for them, it’s still with me. I hope hey will be ok.

ArabellaScott · 12/04/2024 17:15

Yes. It's hard to think about. It's a deeply upsetting and tragic scandal that should have been avoided.

OriginalUsername2 · 12/04/2024 17:17

Similar experiences with my DD. It’s amazing to see her embracing being a young woman now and I feel as sad as you for all the quirky kids out there that have been caught up in this.

OriginalUsername2 · 12/04/2024 17:20

Here’s my favourite thing on the internet

Sad about it all today
Theeyeballsinthesky · 12/04/2024 17:21

Yes I’m just sad about it all. It’s good to see everything we said about vindicated but god it’s all so bloody tragic. So many damaged kids, so many fractured families, so much harm done for which pretty much no one will ever be held accountable

UtopiaPlanitia · 12/04/2024 17:31

I’ve been watching coverage on YouTube from various UK news media organisations and I’m frustrated and sad to see YouTube adding warnings about conversion therapy (from the US Trevor Project) to these videos. I’ve been reporting this labelling as inappropriate via YouTube’s feedback each time I see it.

Here’s an example of the mislabelling - a discussion with Hannah Barnes, a measured and detailed investigative journalist and not someone who needs a warning label:

NHS gender care: What are the political implications of the Cass review? | The New Statesman podcast

The Cass review into NHS gender services for children raises questions about how Labour and the Conservatives will respond. Subscribe here: https://www.youtu...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZcjGxzrcE4

popebishop · 12/04/2024 18:18

It's crushing how much you may think there has been progress with racism, sexism and homophobia in society, there have been huge events in recent years that show it's as bad as ever.

These parents believed that because their very young kids liked, said or did the "wrong" things that their bodies were inherently wrong.

How deeply must sexism be ingrained to just go along with that?

Sadforthem23 · 12/04/2024 18:38

One of the things I always said to my DD was that she was perfect and just as she was meant to be. There was nothing wrong with her and regardless of how she dressed or cut her hair, she would always be a girl. I'm sad that some feel they can only be ok by taking damaging hormones or having surgery. I can't see how you can ever be happy if it is based on a lie.

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 12/04/2024 18:50

My daughter is neurotypical, but also spent her time with short hair, "boys'" shoes and clothes between the ages of about 3/4 to 9/10, before growing her hair and wearing "girls'" clothes once she got into year 6 and was getting nearer to puberty. She did once or twice ask why she couldn't have been a boy when she was quite small but, especially as she got older, didn't like being misgendered. She's very happy in her body as a late teen now.

I am so glad she was born when she was and not 10 years later! She worried enough about what people would think as she changed her look to be more feminine, let alone if she'd had to change her gender identity.

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