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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

"Women freeze or befriend as a survival tactic."

37 replies

Theeyeballsinthesky · 05/04/2024 14:51

https://x.com/channel4news/status/1776213472662946143?s=46&t=aWQLrPtVicDNf6MQpq5WVg

i found this really interesting and I do agree that women often adopt this approach. I know I have - trying to humour or placate a man when I know I can’t get away and certainly can’t fight

https://x.com/channel4news/status/1776213472662946143?s=46&t=aWQLrPtVicDNf6MQpq5WVg

OP posts:
Floisme · 06/04/2024 10:13

Most men have no idea just how much stronger the average man is compared to the average woman.
I've talked to young women who have no idea either.

OwlCityisthemostunderrated · 06/04/2024 10:22

Floisme · 06/04/2024 10:13

Most men have no idea just how much stronger the average man is compared to the average woman.
I've talked to young women who have no idea either.

I know this will sound trite, but I genuinely blame (at least in part) the last 20 years worth of movies and TV.

The trend to show eg the female cop going toe to toe with a 6ft male body builder and bringing him down.

It was lauded at the time for showing “empowered women” but I think a lot of people actually believe it, so therefore think real-life women just aren’t trying hard enough.

Floisme · 06/04/2024 10:47

I agree with you OwlCity in fact I nearly added 'I blame all those superhero movies' to my post.

I grew up watching the Avengers and wanting to be Emma Peel so I understand how easily it can happen, especially for girls who don't have brothers to - literally - bring them back down to earth

Superlambaanana · 06/04/2024 11:18

theDudesmummy · 06/04/2024 10:02

A few months ago I was alone at an airport, getting my car from the long stay carpark at night. Practically no-one else around. I'm not timid, but when a man then walked past me to his own car, and smiled and said hi, I looked down and didn't engage (and of course my keys had already been between my fingers since I had entered the carpark anyway). We went our separate ways and got our cars, no harm done. My heart was pounding a bit though.

I told this story to DH when I got home, saying that the man had been very thoughtless to do what he did. DH said why shouldn't he be friendly? More people in this world should be friendly. And why on earth were you so rude back?

Adult DD was also there when I told him the story. We both tore a strip off him! I think he was quite shocked, what was blindingly obvious to me and DD had never crossed his mind.

I bet he still doesn't get it.

Men don't and just can't comprehend what it's like to walk in our shoes (no matter how much the painted face trannies insist they know what it is to be a 'girl').

I have yet to meet a man who has genuinely spent any time trying to understand someone else's point of view on just about anything. Those that claim to are almost universally liars who realise they need to pretend to care about women's rights to sustain leadership positions, garner support from women or maintain relationships with women.

Men just can't see that they are massively and unfairly privileged. And the idea that they should cede some of that power is just anathema to them. Doesn't stop them moaning about women trying to explain the issues and create some social equality of course. Because from a position of privilege, equality feels like oppression.

theDudesmummy · 06/04/2024 11:25

@Superlambaanana I don't have quite such a cynical view of men, but I would be willing to bet that DH still has no real understanding of this and would still privately think that routinely putting your keys between your fingers when going to your car or ignoring a "friendly" hello is pretty paranoid behaviour.

BettyFilous · 06/04/2024 11:51

Mumoftwo1312 · 06/04/2024 09:10

Women can spot danger much quicker than men too.

I was watching a thriller movie with dh the other day and, on screen, there was a tiny flicker of movement through a window behind where the main characters were hiding [indicating the baddie had caught up with them] and dh never saw it. I had to rewind it and point it out.

I think that women literally pan their eyes around more, subconsciously, alert for danger. Like scanning for hazards when you're driving, but all the time. I've often had moments IRL where I've said something like "did you see that weird guy by the pool" and dh has no idea.

Or maybe it's just me vs dh. He's a bit dozy.

Someone posted research published on men and women’s eye movements when assessing different photos/scenarios (eg path to a bridge after dark with a street lamp at the far end and undergrowth each side) which showed exactly what you observed. The FWR thread was posted within the last few weeks.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2024 14:26

Mumoftwo1312 · 06/04/2024 09:10

Women can spot danger much quicker than men too.

I was watching a thriller movie with dh the other day and, on screen, there was a tiny flicker of movement through a window behind where the main characters were hiding [indicating the baddie had caught up with them] and dh never saw it. I had to rewind it and point it out.

I think that women literally pan their eyes around more, subconsciously, alert for danger. Like scanning for hazards when you're driving, but all the time. I've often had moments IRL where I've said something like "did you see that weird guy by the pool" and dh has no idea.

Or maybe it's just me vs dh. He's a bit dozy.

13 yo DD can do it too. Me, DH and her will be somewhere, get back in the car and meet each other's eyes. She'll say, "did you see that bloke?" I'll say "brown jacket, jeans?" And she'll agree. DH will be all like "huh? What?" At 13 she will see the creepy bloke who is looking at one of us too much.

She's had good radar since she was a toddler though. I used to work in homeless shelters and clients would come up and chat to me when they saw me with her. Regardless of what they looked like, and some of them looked pretty rough, she would only leg-cling when it was one of the problematic ones. DH has no radar.

I always wonder if she's subconsciously learned from me or if it's because I didn't suppress her feelings. None of the "honey he's FINE, hug him" with relatives.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2024 14:27

AlecTrevelyan006 · 06/04/2024 10:09

Most men have no idea just how much stronger the average man is compared to the average woman. This has become more clear to since becoming interested in the ‘trans’ issue.

And yes, with regards to rapes and physical assaults many men can’t get past ‘why didn’t you fight back’? They simply don’t realise that in 99% of cases the woman just cannot physically do so.

e.g https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17186303/

Edited

IIRC the woman in the Mike Tyson case was asked. Why she at 8 stone didn't fight the heavyweight champion of the world.

Mumoftwo1312 · 06/04/2024 14:48

BettyFilous · 06/04/2024 11:59

Thank you for this, I never knew this was a known thing!

AdamRyan · 06/04/2024 16:52

RethinkingLife · 05/04/2024 18:19

I've found it helpful to see how they've been extended (I recognise some of these extra responses, depending on context).

The 5 Fs: fight, flight, freeze, flop or friend.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/tools-for-victims-and-survivors/understanding-your-response/fight-or-flight/

The 7 Fs: fight, fright, flight, freeze, flop/faint, flag, fawn.

https://positivepsychology.com/trauma-response/

I like fight, flight, freeze, appease personally.

I do "appease" all the time. I think as a woman I learnt quite young that fight or flight were not effective (men can fight back harder or stop you fleeing quite easily)

AdamRyan · 06/04/2024 16:54

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2024 14:26

13 yo DD can do it too. Me, DH and her will be somewhere, get back in the car and meet each other's eyes. She'll say, "did you see that bloke?" I'll say "brown jacket, jeans?" And she'll agree. DH will be all like "huh? What?" At 13 she will see the creepy bloke who is looking at one of us too much.

She's had good radar since she was a toddler though. I used to work in homeless shelters and clients would come up and chat to me when they saw me with her. Regardless of what they looked like, and some of them looked pretty rough, she would only leg-cling when it was one of the problematic ones. DH has no radar.

I always wonder if she's subconsciously learned from me or if it's because I didn't suppress her feelings. None of the "honey he's FINE, hug him" with relatives.

Show quote history

I think its evolutionary because human males are dangerous. Women are wired to be vigilant round them.
I've noticed dogs and cats seem to more often be relaxed around women and wary of men too.

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