Hello, I'm new to Mumsnet and wanted to join to share my family's recent experience. I hope it's ok for this to be posted here but I think it highlights a severe lack of care for people with disabilities in relation to transitioning.
My brother has ASD as well as a psychiatric disorder so severe he has had to live in various psychiatric facilities for over 10 years, and he will most likely stay in care for the rest of his life.
He recently came out and told my parents he was trans, he asked for she/her pronouns and declared his new name.
It is important to say that my brother has had multiple identities he has genuinely believed to be true:
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He believed he was the rightful king of England, bought titles online, and wrote several letters to Buckingham Palace demanding Elizabeth II abdicate and give him the throne.
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He believed he was an alien from mars sent to destroy all of humankind.
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He believed his hand had a mind of its own and would often try to attack people with it.
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He had an evil alter ego that would come out when he was filled with rage and only drinking milk would send it away.
There are more but those were the longer lasting delusions. Unfortunately most made him a danger to others which is one of the reasons why he now lives in care.
When he announced to the family he was now a woman, you can imagine this wasn't something we were going to be immediately affirming due to his history. The facility where he resides, however, did not hesitate and nor did they ask him any questions. Not a single one. They simply updated his records to say he was female, updated his pronouns, and changed his name. They were also willing to arrange him an appointment with a doctor to discuss treatment options as he said he wanted to fully transition. Luckily it didn't get that far but what. the. fuck.
My mother is a trained therapist and reached out to multiple other therapists about what to do because she knew he wasn't actually trans. She was demonised by not affirming him. One therapist even said a lot of autistic people are happier trans. The only advice they gave her was to go along with it. Again: What. The. Fuck.
My mum rightfully decided to ignore them and spoke to my brother. She used 'clean', non-judgemental language and asked him questions through language mirroring. Although at one point she did make a joke as my brother told her he had recently bought women's clothes and he felt really comfortable in them. She joked and suggested maybe that was because they actually fit him (my brother rarely wants new clothes but his weight fluctuates). He took that well at any rate and said she had a good point.
She got to the bottom of it and it turned out that my brother has friends in the facility who are trans. Unfortunately they started to think he was transphobic and didn't want to be friends with him anymore. He decided the only way continue to be friends with them was for him to transition.
That's it.
Obviously I don't blame his trans friends. They're in a psychiatric facility so clearly aren't well mentally either. But I am angry that the staff just blindly went along with it.
My brother is now in a predicament. He doesn't want to transition but everyone at the facility is calling him a girl's name and using she/her pronouns. And he feels he can't tell them he's changed his mind because then he will lose his friends. It's a very sad situation. I imagine he's feeling very lonely and lost.
We've been told by the staff there that it's very rare for people living in these facilities to have any contact with family as sadly most cut them off completely. If my mother hadn't asked my brother even those most basic questions, he would have had everyone affirming him and would have felt compelled to go along with it despite not having gender dysphoria. I understand my brother is a rarity, but this does make me wonder if there are other disabled people in care who have found themselves in a similar situation. Perhaps they have no contact with family or anyone outside of their facility, and therefore no one there to question them. Only staff members who affirm them which makes these incredibly vulnerable, often easily suggestible people more likely to commit to something life-changing, even potentially life-threatening that they don't even want or need.
I'm quite tempted to write to my MP about this with my brother's permission but I'm not sure what difference it would make.