Inappropriate pronouns signature

[Linguini]

Hi

I'm a victim of CSA and am currently going through the process of finding justice.

The man in my family raped me from the age of 4 till I was 10.
I'm now 44 years of age and am finally finding my voice.

I'm vehemently opposed to gender ideology because it is a male supremacist movement that pushes aside the implications for women.

I have an ISVA (independent sexual violence advisor) who I speak to once a month to help me through the legal process (police/statement making/trial etc) who has been brilliant. Life changing in fact. She never gave away anything about her personal beliefs, I didn't ask either (why would I?) I have depended on her for support during this incredibly difficult process.

I have been told by her manager that she's now off for a time, which I find upsetting because of the situation I'm in, but "she/her" has delivered this message to me in an email declaring their pronouns in a huge font, pronouns which would be obvious from the name alone.

I think your political and religious leanings should be kept out of work, and to be honest given the sensitivity of the situation I am in, I am surprised that the ISVA manager thought it appropriate to announce their adherence to this misogynistic ideology in this way.

I haven't been able to reply. It's been a while since I received the message.

I'm really annoyed.

Sorry I missed the point of my post which is - should I say something?

I'm so sorry you have been on the recieving end of this supposedly #kind, inclusive fascist ideology. You could send this if you want to take on the fight?

https://sex-matters.org/posts/schools-and-safeguarding/pronouns-guide/

She may be under pressure at work to put her pronouns on her e-mails. Trans influence is still very strong in a lot of organisations.

The fact that she has used such a large front may be her way of kicking against the system in a way that won't get her sacked. Or perhaps she has had people wanting to know her pronouns and she's up to her back teeth about it. She may have been disciplined about it more than once. This is something that I would possibly have done if I'd been repeatedly told I had to state pronouns, and threatened with dismissal if I didn't. A sort of "LOOK! THE FECKING PRONOUNS ARE ON! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

This is all that I can think of. I honestly don't know why else she would have done this.

I can see the problem you have, and of course it means nothing, as a trans woman (a natal male) would also have female pronouns. I would be tempted, if you have the energy to spare, to ask the managers manager why they feel the need to put pronouns in their emails.

I'm sorry what you have been through @Linguini. Do you know how long your support worker will be off? I'd be concerned that if the organisation is 'trans inclusive' that it could derail your support to complain at this stage as has happened with some rape crisis centres. I'd suggest waiting until your need for support has ended (hopefully with a conviction) then raise it as an issue using the sex matters guide. Hope your lovely support worker is back soon. Good luck.

Did your support worker ever email you? I am assuming that, if she did, she did not include her pronouns. I really do not see why you cannot email who ever runs the organisation and tell him/her/them that, as a survivor of CSA, you find pronouns after names unnececessary, upsetting and unsettling.

I am very sorry for all you have been through.

OP, being very cautious here, I would not rock the boat.

All this pronoun rubbish makes me puke. But you need these people fully on your side until your case is completed.

I would grit my teeth and say nothing about the pronouns yet. Wait till you don’t need these people’s help any more.

Then, and only then, I would remind them of what they ought to know: that genderist ideology is harmful to women and should not be forced on anyone, least of all CSA survivors.

The pronouns are the same font size as the name that preceeds them. I don't read it as making a big effort to accentuate the pronouns, but just that that was the font size chosen for the name so it naturallt encompasses the pronouns which are on the same line. It also looks like that's just the standard company format and not her particular choice.

I am also gender critical but to be honest I would leave it. It's a big world and few people agree about everything. Having a supportive ally whose work you value and depend on, in your situation, is a huge advantage. You don't get to specify their attitudes to other issues outside of what they do for you.

Gutted to hear of your situation (4?😦), but well done for turning it around.

font size as the name that preceeds them.

I misread the post in that case.

Apologies.

And I wish you the best of luck with your case, OP. I was twice sexually assaulted by strangers as a child (which must be less horrific than your attacker being a family member). I have never lost the resultant fear of a man being between me and the ‘escape route’ anywhere, even in the safest place.

Thank you for standing up to your attacker, as you are doing with this court case. Every time an abuser is brought to justice, I feel as if a blow has been struck for all abuse survivors.

They have probably been told by their employer to add pronouns to their Email signature.

My ISVA did used to email me to arrange calls etc, and she never declared pronouns or her religious beliefs or anything at the end of her emails.
I had emails from other people from SAIL too, It's only this person who has done this.

That's what annoys me more TBH.

If this person can't stand up against being told to do something ridiculous, how can they help me stand up against my rapist?

Every time an abuser is brought to justice, I feel as if a blow has been struck for all abuse survivors.
Thank you Ofcourseshecan

It's these sorts of messages that help me carry on with the process

This sadly. So many organisations are captured and many are being forced into adding pronouns.
I would do as a PP advised and wait until you move one from them and then highlight how it has made you feel.
The tide is turning thanks to those such as India and Dylan so you may find they are removed anyway.
So sorry you’re having such a difficult time 💐

It’s obviously unpleasant, OP, but if it helps, the few people with pronouns in their signatures where I work don’t seem to be unpleasant people. I assume most think they’re doing the right thing.

Like you though, I still find it jarring and feel it is often inappropriate and your circumstances would be one of them. If, at some point, if and when it’s possible without doing any harm to yourself, it would be good to report it. I think some women might simply walk away, on seeing it, and presumably they don’t want that.

It is difficult though, as it would be nice to be able to ask if someone else without pronouns could handle it, but as we all know, there’s a risk that you open yourself up to attack from adherents.

If this person can't stand up against being told to do something ridiculous, how can they help me stand up against my rapist?

If your previous worker didn’t have them in her email it’s possible they honestly think they’re doing a good thing and may not realise that some people find it difficult. I work across a lot of organisations, some obviously ask all their staff to do it, some do it from a place of inclusion and some don’t do it at all.

Given you’re finding it hard, understandably, could you ask her not to include pronouns in emails to you? She may be completely unaware people might struggle with it.

I totally understand how you feel. The client/therapist relationship is delicate but hugely so when it involves disclosure of abuse. If you can and depending on the likely timeframe of your engagement with the organisation keep note of your feelings about this and make your complaints afterwards as fighting this may distract from the energy you need to use for the case.
But and this is important your sense of betrayal by the organisation is not to be ignored. You are 100% right clients/service users don’t need to be exposed to the people in power’s political/religious views. The manager should have the wit to have a no-pronoun sign off for customers and if necessary a virtue signalling one for internal use