Single Sex Hospital Wards

[WorriedRelative]

Regular reader and occasional poster on FWR I have name changed for privacy.

Elderly female relative is in hospital, in a two bed room with a shared bathroom which is part of a larger ward with various bays and rooms. Two patients in the room separated only by a curtain.

There is no way for staff to see either bed without opening the door and coming in.

Relative has just overheard a comment by one of the hospital staff to the other patient that indicates this individual is male, although their name is female.

Relative is understandably upset that they aren't in single sex accomodation and weren't aware. However they don't feel able to say anything or speak to staff as this person is just a curtain away. The family are concerned about this but don't really know what to do for the best.

She doesn't want to make a fuss or risk being treated differently but worrying about her privacy is not going to make recovering any easier.

Any advice appreciated - thanks

I’d feel extremely uncomfortable in bed wearing only a hospital gown in a side room with a man particularly if the staff were insisting that someone who was a man was a woman

i dont have to feel ‘threatened’ to want my privacy & dignity preserved

What was the comment? Could it have been misconstrued?

Absolutely right, @Theeyeballsinthesky, it's about our privacy and dignity as well as safety. The fact that any man won't assault me is neither here nor there. If I'm expected be in bed a few feet away from a man who I've not consented to be with - that's over the red line.

Sorry but I've not read the thread - does anyone like Sex Matters etc give any helpful info about how to deal with this situation?

One of the awful things is that when we're in hospital we are automatically vulnerable and not ourselves. If our usual every day self is a fighter, this can so easily evaporate in such situations.

Make as much noise as you can - complain to the hospital staff, PALS, I'd be making my local councillors aware this is happening as well.

We need to safeguard woman and girls properly. All wards should be single sex, with no excuses. Your poor relative, I hope they are able to return home soon.

Yeah I'm currently on my 4th attempt at getting the Trust to even acknowledge the issues. They're too busy being #kind to the most marginalised and vulnerable™

Why do you think unconsenting women should be placed in rooms with males they don't know and lied to about it?

Sorry for the delayed response, I have been reading but unable to reply, as MN kept reversing my name change!

I'm pleased that the ridiculous troll hunting has been deleted. I am not going to say what was said as I don't want to get the member of staff into trouble if anything becomes identifiable.

Thank you for the constructive suggestions about who to complain to. I have written to my MP about the Liz Truss bill and included something about single sex wards in there. I will follow up the other suggestions too.

I haven't said that they felt threatened. This person is very unwell they aren't likely to be a threat, this is about privacy and dignity. However just because this person is too poorly to be a threat doesn't mean that there isn't a wider concern about personal safety.

Why isn’t the man on a male ward whatever name he calls himself? None of us would be comfortable with any man in such close contact. We shouldn’t have to put up with this, even less so when ill.

Because that's the policy. He doesn't even need to call himself a different name. Or wear different clothes. Or do absolutely anything apart from say the magic words. Even if he only identified as trans part time. Even if he is a registered sex offender. And if you object you're to be treated the same as a racist. And if staff object, or don't gaslight you, they are risking a disciplinary and being reported to the police for a hate crime. That's the policy.

I would urge anyone who feels able to ask their local hospital for their transgender care policy. The patient information leaflets will tell you that you will be cared for in a single sex bay, but the transgender care policy will tell you the real story - that you are just a prop for a males feelings (and vice versa, though the considerations are different when it's a female trans identifying person on a male bay), and if you don't like it you'll be the one in the wrong.

When I was seven months pregnant I was taken into hospital with a suspected pulmonary embolism. The first night I spent in the acute cardiac care unit with several middle aged men wired up to monitors in the beds next to me. I was the only woman. None of them were in any state to be a physical threat but it was a deeply uncomfortable experience. They had eyes and ears and I was acutely aware of that as I went to the loo and had conversations with the medical staff about my pregnant condition and symptoms. It was a single night before I was moved to a private room and so I put up with the lack of privacy and dignity as something necessary in the circumstances. But I haven't forgotten how it was to be feeling ill, scared and vulnerable and having to talk about my body whilst surrounded by men I didn't know.

I hope you can get something done to resolve the situation with your relative, OP. She's lucky to have you.

So an ill and elderly and vulnerable woman has to feel ‘threatened’ before she is allowed to challenge being put in the same room and sharing the same facilities with a strange man? Her own feelings of dignity and privacy don’t matter?

The last time my DH saw his dying mother was cut short because a man was placed in the bed in the bay next to her. She was very, very ill, with confusion and brain metastases but the minute that man was there - despite being surrounded by her sons - she was distraught. She was back being her 8 year old self being raped by her grandfather. They moved her back into the (single sex) ward where she wasn't allowed visitors due to covid and that was that. That man hadn't been in any position to harm her - he was just there.

A particular barrister reported me to MN the last time I posted that story because he felt it was transphobic.

So very sorry to read this.
Regrettably self invested individuals and groups have been given enormous power to influence NHS practice in their favour, along with the ability to silence women speaking.
Which is why the OP's relative is in this position and women are having to fight to reclaim our privacy, safety and dignity from those determined to breach our boundaries.

That is so sad, @ScrotumGantry, what a way to end your life.

If you told the story like this originally, I can't see how a complaint of 'transphobia' was levelled at you since you say nothing about trans.

Why the hell should she have to feel "threatened" by the person?

The fact that there is a MALE in her hospital ward is enough to make her feel uncomfortable - and that should be ENOUGH for you.

Honestly, when did people stop giving a fuck about the dignity and privacy of women?
It could be the nicest, most considerate, gentlest and respectful man in the world.
Guess what? I still don't want to share a fucking hospital ward with him.