As usual, Victoria provides a useful and interesting analysis of the behaviour expected from women in a sexist society and the issues that this can cause in terms of disagreements between women involved in the pushback against sexism:
'I often hear it suggested that apart from in the most serious situations — those involving men such as Bryson and Blake — pronouns are a matter of courtesy. I don’t actually think this is true.
To be clear, I’m conscious that women who say this are often dismissed as extremists, absolutists, people who would rather lose the battle than compromise at all. I’m also conscious that those who make the case for courtesy can find themselves called handmaidens and traitors to the feminist cause. I don’t believe either characterisation to be accurate. The latter ignores the degree to which women have always been forced to adapt to get their voices heard at all. “I’m being polite” can be code for “I’m doing what I have to do to get this published/broadcast/uttered at all”. With the former, though, I fear we belittle just how much of a sacrifice it is for women to call any male people women, too. It is not just politeness. It only looks that way because we are so used to women putting male feelings ahead of our own. '
https://thecritic.co.uk/the-hidden-cost-of-pronoun-politeness