Help me complain to the school

[hyperbolicnonsense]

My son showed me the student bulletin distributed at his secondary school last week. This is what it said:

"You may be aware that the government is trying to introduce a guidance for schools and colleges on gender questioning children' for England. All children and young people have the right to education free from discrimination and LGBT+ young people are no exception. The proposed guidance, which remains in draft, seeks to deny the existence of transgender pupils, discouraging them from coming out and being their authentic selves, and could lead to young people being forcibly outed to parents and teachers. This approach will erase decades of progress in making schools places that value difference and reject discrimination. It hampers teachers' ability to tackle bullying and ultimately risks casing more harm and exclusion of trans young people. Schools desperately need guidance that offers practical guidance on creating school environments that support trans pupils to thrive. We are calling on the Government to listen to LGBT+ young and inclusive educators and rethink their approach'.

I would like MN to help me formulate a response to the school. I think their statement is awful. The use of hyperbolic language (deny the existence) is harmful to all children and perhaps most especially gender questioning children. It's manipulative and disrespectful. We know that the current affirmation at the expense of exploration approach is causing harm and that it actually prevents children from being able to explore fully and therefore 'be their authentic self'. The guidance could lead to children getting a lot more support rather than being 'outed' but that's not mentioned. The decades of progress mentioned have felt like decades of regression to many - especially as regards the rights of women and girls. This is a very partisan statement and does not create a space which respects the gender critical beliefs which many children have but feel unsafe in expressing. The author is writing only about creating a safe spaces for trans children and whilst that's important, it's also important to recognise the reality of sex-based oppression and create a space which also protects against that. I think it's good to raise children's awareness of this consultation but it it completely inappropriate to point them towards only one side of a deeply divided debate and given that it is the female voice which is being silenced, this is a deeply sexist action.

Children being socially transitioned in secret from parents is a major issue in certain schools. All children are entitled to be safeguarded and schools are meant to be politically impartial - not parroting demands made by adult political lobby groups.
As parents know.

Did you read the schools letter? Perhaps the school needs to think about your words ‘live and let live’.

I filled out the consultation on the guidance earlier and used the sex matters feedback guide. It has some wording around not discriminating about the views of gender critical pupils or parents with regard to equality.

sex-matters.org/posts/publications/sex-matters-response-to-the-department-for-education-consultation-on-draft-guidance-for-schools-on-gender-questioning-children/

I did read it - did you? I just don’t think it’s right to force children to tell each other their feelings if they don’t feel safe. If a child was struggling mentally they may not want their classmates to know - but if they’re trans according to you they’re fair game?

I can’t make sense of your response here, sorry.

There’s an issue. Children and parents are being told they can’t speak up about the reality of biological sex as it’s hateful. Gay kids may be pressured to instead consider they are ‘the wrong gender’; similarly questioning kids who could do with support and guidance, not a one size fits all affirmation only model.

@Lion400 I’ll spell it out for you.
If say, a child who was born male, but believed they were a girl was in your child’s year group. No one knew this child as anything but a girl and they were treated as such. Someone then finds out that they are trans and contacts the school who then inform the parents and other children even though no one knew or cared and it’s PRIVATE information about someone. Affectively ‘outing’ them to their peers. Which is wrong (but right to you as they’re trans).
In another year group a child is struggling with depression and anxiety. They keep it quiet and tell no one as they want to be normal. Another child realises and tells their parents who tell the school. The school don’t inform any one else as they don’t need too as it’s PRIVATE information.
Basically - don’t out anyone to peers as it can become unsafe for that person who just wants to live their life.

I'm confused by what you mean here. I don't think my objection to the letter means people need to share feelings which they're not ready to. The guidance the school is objecting to is trying to protect single sex spaces. They're currently at risk so yes there's an issue.

Ah I see. But people do know when someone's a boy in secondary school because of puberty. Plus if this hypothetical child is using girls spaces, they're now.mixed sex spaces and people should know that. This hypothetical trangirl will present the same level of risk to girls as other boys and assault in schools is a serious issue. You can't say live and let live when girls are being raped.

To be clear, obviously not all transgirls would assault girls. It's just general male pattern offending.

Neither of these scenarios make any sense at all. In the first, the child's parents and peers don't know their trans and, at least from the way you've expressed it, neither do the school. How did that come about?

In the second it's not clear whether the child is trans or simply depressed. In the case of a seriously depressed child, surely everyone involved in caring for them should be aware?

You're clearly not a parent. By your logic, parents should be left clueless about their child. By your logic paid professionals are better carers than parents who love their own children. Yes some parents are abusers, but the majority are good-enough and many are brilliant. In your effort to protect children from bad parents (which I suspect by your logic means gender critical parents) you effectively make every child a ward of state.

Ah no. What you needed to do was explain what you meant in a coherent way. It is still quite incoherent but I’ve got more of an idea what you’re trying to get at, even though as another poster said, the examples don’t make sense.

‘Affectively ‘outing’ them to their peers. Which is wrong but right to you as they’re trans’ You have no idea what I think is right or wrong. Please don’t tell me what I think.

None of us want to harm children. We all want what’s best for children. Clearly people have different views about what this is.

Children shouldn’t be afraid to say what they think, or what they believe. Children shouldn’t be told to lie to themselves and / or everybody else.

Enforcing girls to give up their female rights is wrong. It will always be wrong.

Schools should be looking after all children’s wellbeing.

The letter sent by the school to children is inflammatory and wrong. Who do they think they are?? I would be livid, as the OP is.

GreenYosh in this fantasy land you have created where nobody knows the sex of anyone ever do Unicirns also exist?

See Helen Joyce response to her sons school

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11693283/HELEN-JOYCE-explains-complain-sons-school-started.html

No advice to add but I am sick of “authentic selves”. What an utterly wanky phrase.

Me too.

Since becoming a mother, I have discovered nature and society couldn't give a crap what my "authentic self" is not indeed how I feel about my identity. I'm not even convinced I am allowed to have one.

It is also such an individualistic, self centred stance when we would do better to ponder on what brings us together; how can we humans peacefully coexist.

100%

There've been many instances of schools and teachers encouraging pupils to respond to the GQGC consultation along activist lines with links to 'easy to fill in' answers. I hope those who analyse the responses are able to weed out the cut and paste ones and that quality rather than quantity is the benchmark. Parents who've been on the sharp end of pro-affirmation teachers must let the consultation know the damage these ideologues are doing. This is the Transgender Trend guide to filling it in. Just a week to go. It looks daunting - loads of questions - but there's no need to answer every one. TT's guide to the guidance on gender-questioning children

The complaint is in and I will keep you posted regarding responses. Thank you all for your help.

Brava!

Well done.

I wish you every success.

The school replied - abject apology. They agree that they were not impartial, that the language they used was inappropriate, that their editorial process was sorely lacking. They said we were right. They want to hear more too about how silenced the children feel. Thank you all for your help.

You absolute superstar!!!!!!

Well done, you will have made the most amazing difference to the children at the school.

Well done* *@hyperbolicnonsense
That's an incredible outcome and must be a great relief. So many parents are worried about unhinged transactivism in schools and the fact that the school has recognised this must be so reassuring..

It's great that you've been asked for more information about how the children might feel. If you don't mind me suggesting.. 😁
it's a real opportunity to remind them that when the school breaches their legal duty to be politically impartial it not only alienates children (girls expecting single sex spaces, all children knowing that there are only two sexes etc etc) but it erodes the confidence that parents have in a school. It makes them worry what other activism is being foisted on children? Is the school still focused on safeguarding children or activism.
There's loads more - but if you get the chance a few well chosen words might reinforce how important it is that they remain politically neutral

But well done for writing in the first place - just shows how important parents are in all this

Great news

@hyperbolicnonsense high five well done, ALWAYS COMPLAIN