Lorraine Kelly on Woman's Hour, plugging her new novel...

[WinterTrees]

Oh joy - Lorraine Kelly has decided to bless the literary world with her particular brand of perkiness in fictional form. Anita Rani (of course) in full fawning mode, expressing wide-eyed delight that it's been endorsed by Marian Keyes (as if celebrities don't all quote on each other's books because it's all a back-scratching club) and that one of the main characters - in a wild swimming club no less - is Freya, who started life as Magnus, 'a wee boy'. Lorraine making much of 'women supporting women' and 'being accepted for who you are' 'being allowed to live as yourself' etc etc.

It's annoying enough that another TV celebrity with no writing background has been given a premier publishing slot with the marketing budget, PR platform and retail shelf space that will now not be available to writers who make an increasingly precarious living from books. Even more galling that she's used this uneven playing field to promote her luxury beliefs and transmit her virtue signalling to a captive audience in a cosy, twee fictional setting where the likes of Isla Bryson and Amy George can be conveniently airbrushed out of existence. And to pretend she cares about empowering women.

I can confidently say that this one won't be gracing my bookshelves. There are too many good works out there to read to waste time on 'celeb' fiction.

For some irrational reason I can't stand her. I dislike her even more now

Fuck sake. Is all I can think of saying. (Or worse.)

I will listen to almost anything on Radio 4 but when I heard it was going to be an Anita Rani Fluffy Friday special and that she'd be interviewing Lorraine Kelly I turned it off.

Urgh, I nearly vomited into the cake batter I was mixing up. Luckily I could only half hear over the mixer! Bad enough that yet another well paid celebrity has been given a publishing contract at the expense of someone who can actually write. And isn't writing a character outside your own 'lived experience' a literal crime these days? How come Lorraine gets a pass for that?

”…one of the main characters - in a wild swimming club no less - is Freya, who started life as Magnus, 'a wee boy'. Lorraine making much of 'women supporting women' and 'being accepted for who you are' 'being allowed to live as yourself' etc etc.”

Oh FFS <barfs>

I felt exactly the same. I was just about to listen to woman's hour and heard Lorraine Kelly was going to be on it and decided not to bother. I can't bear that woman. At first I thought she will have used a ghostwriter and then I had a horrible feeling she would've written herself. A ghostwriter would be infinitely preferable.

She is the human embodiment of #bekind. A fixed smile and permanent head tilt that hides ruthless self-interest, an ego the size of the sun that masquerades as 'oh, it's just little old me.'

As an aside, I just looked it up on amazon. Marian Keyes's quote is 'Gorgeous debut novel' which is... rather sparse in terms of endorsement. It has the ring of 'what can I get away with to ensure my space on Lorraine's prime-time TV sofa while not completely selling myself out as a writer.'

No thanks,I've got slugs to lick.

Same.
Didn’t like her before she fawned over Suzie Eddy Izzard and told us all to’beee kind.’

If you are fawning enough then you can write about any character that is outside your lived experience. If you give the character any negative traits then you are guilty of appropriation.

Couldn't agree more; am getting so fed up of celebrities churning out books and taking up bookshelf space. I make a deliberate attempt to seek non-celeb books that have good reviews etc. As for LK, I've never been a fan (she seems inauthentic to me) and this latest posturing just puts me off even more.

So Lorraine Kelly has written a book about trans character? But Lorraine Kelly isn’t trans! What horrible transphobic appropriation 😡. I trust that the trans activists will be arranging her transfer to the Gulag for reeducation as I type.

I think she also mentioned that she was going to be (had already been?) on Graham Norton, which is exactly the kind of top tier PR that genuine writers just don't get. She pretended this was all astonishing to her - 'aren't I lucky!' as if it hadn't all been promised and nailed down when she signed the book contract and trousered the eye-watering advance.

Be kind! It's not Lorraine Kelly the individual that you should be annoyed with, it's Lorraine Kelly the non human who doesn't exist for tax purposes that's written the "novel".

Yep, this.

She's an awful TV host / guest /interviewer, always babbling unintelligibly over other people, and when you can make head or tail of anything she's saying, it's all about NOTHING - just boring babble.

She needs replacing.

I’m hugely relieved actually. The previous guest was a two spirit person channeling their masculine energy while arresting people and being completely comfortable with that while still being completely comfortable with being feminine. Or something.

I wasn’t properly listening but was worrying that Emma was now fawning over guests talking nonsense.

Glad to hear it wasn’t emma. She has a brain and uses it.

Why is she even successful?
Why does she agree in interviews by saying "no, you are right"?

Cannot bear her. Her dog, husband, family be forced down our throats. Her breast cancer single that was just all about her. The focus should have been on Joss Stone and the women sufferers that sang.

Haha yes, completely fine so long as your characters are one-dimensional, which shouldn't be a problem for the average celebrity author 😀

Here’s a peak (Google books).

Before I assault my eyeballs I need someone to tell me if it's worse than Steve Bruce's detective 'novels'.

I am intrigued that in fiction, male transitioners tend to be of average female height.

Did she really have to go here and describe Magnus’s ‘chubby lad’? 🤢

The bit I heard before deciding I'd rather scrub out the gunk in the bottom of my bins ticked every predictable and tedious trans box. Even the mermaids selkies.And that extract confirms it. Talk about writing by numbers.

And when I came back the two spirit person was waffling on.

Anita Rani sounded positively lightheaded with excitement. Glad she enjoyed it.