Surrogacy-help me explain to my daughter why this is exploiting women

[happydappy2]

Teen daughter thinks surrogacy is fine, as an opportunity for the woman to earn money.
I've explained that only impoverished women do it, not wealthy ones.
It's not fair on the child to be removed from it's natural Mother/protector.
It will be a high risk pregnancy for the surrogate.
Ultimately benefits mens, not women or children.
There have been cases of paedophiles commissioning surrogates
She just doesn't get it though-what else can I ask her to think about to get her to understand how exploitative this is?
I asked her, would it be ok for me to buy a 10 yr old child? No of course not, so why is it ok for wealthy people to buy babies?

She's nearly 18, I really need to help her critical thinking on this....thanks

That does sound quite sad and I’m sorry to hear she is out of the picture. The one I know is still close to the family and the child.

Im very surprised about the egg donation choice! Im in the uk but it seems more regulated (I know someone else doing this and she has been very careful to choose someone who looks like and has a very similar build to her! She also wants her potential child to be able to contact the egg donor which is nice).

I did, but then it was my baby!

Surrogates in the UK recieve between 12k-25k in "expenses"

If the baby has a defect they will get them to abort it no matter how far long.

This is the comment that can’t empathise with someone who wants to be a surrogate.

Surrogacy isn't all bad... my friend had cancer of the cervix and had her female organs removed. Her best friend was her surrogate.

And how do you know this? Some women abort and some do not. We all know this. Again it’s a sweeping generalisation about what ‘all’ women choose to do.

Im curious as to what everyone on here thinks about paid science experiments. At uni it was common to do them for money. There was one where you could get paid £3k because it could impact your heart. Is that acceptable? (I didn’t do that one in the end but some people did).

@BiscuitLover3678 why do you need people to empathise with those who want to be a surrogate? How does that affect any of the arguments around the harms and risks of surrogacy. Just because someone wants to do something doesn't mean they should and that there will be no harm or damage as a result.

This is what I mean. Sad to think of a world where that’s illegal. Next thing is gay men aren’t allowed to have babies with their female friends.

Because it shows that you really don’t understand it at all.

Actually there are studies/research being done around whether medical trial volunteers should be paid as its been shown people are likelier to volunteer for better paid studies even if they are riskier, which makes the money an undue influence on their consent. So it's definitely one where the ethics are being, and need to be, examined

It’s definitely an interesting topic!

And personally I know you can get a high from pregnancy, birth and creating life in general (it’s an absolute life purpose for some people). I can guarantee that all of us who did those experiments very much did it for money! No benefit for us at all.

@BiscuitLover3678 can you explain what it is that you feel I don't understand?

Absolutely!

How about a long term study into identity issues for surrogate children versus children who aren't surrogates.

Is it being done? I doubt it.

And then question in response to that is WHY isn't it being done? Whose agenda does that suit?

I did see one, a small one, 35 children. But it was very problematic, some of the children refused to answer the questions, so it wasn't even 35 children. And of those who did, how many of them felt like they had to answer positively despite their feelings because they don't want to hurt their parents feelings?

I would love to see a larger more rigorous study, but I'm not sure it exists.

It definitely has to be anonymous and after kids are no longer living with parents.

I bet we will see a scandal emerge when it does eventually happen akin to forced adoptions...

I would absolutely welcome a study on it.

I would love to see this done.

I would also love to see an in-depth and very thorough investigative report on just how much psychological assessment and counselling is done prior to any woman being a surrogate. I suspect that from some of the disclosures we have seen recently by surrogates, it is not adequate. And women's mental health issues are not being thoroughly explored before they are approved.

So you think that when the egg comes from an egg donor, the mother won't feel the same?

I seriously doubt that, but what I do know is that harvesting eggs is really dangerous for the donors and implanting the egg(s) makes the surrogate's pregnancy high risk for both her and the baby/babies.

That’s what I’ve been told by someone who’s actually done it. 🤷‍♀️

My friend considered being a surrogate but ended up backing out at the last minute.

Before they got started she had had one half hour session of counselling with her husband and one half hour with her husband and the intended parents. She didnt even get a solo session. There were no psychological assessments. And no option of extra counselling at any stage as part of the package.

When she mentioned her concerns about how she had pre natal depression when she was pregnant with her own child it was brushed off as "Oh well that can happen with any baby"

To be honest my friend went into it altruisically for her sister and I think they had both bought into the "Oh its a lovely thing to do" but when faced with the reality it turned out not to be the case

Why is it so dangerous? Is all ivf dangerous? I did it and didn’t feel especially dangerous but then it is something I desperately wanted.

I really think it is very important for any psychologist to counsel women on their own vulnerability to having their 'needs' and 'wants' exploited as well as the coercive powers. Psychologists doing this assessment need to be strictly independent and it needs to be much more than one meeting.

That’s a real shame. I agree it needs much more vigorous work then.