How to approach having a good conversation with the school on the teaching of gender ID and sex

[Poinsettiasarevile]

Have NCed for this due to personal details.

I have a gender non conforming, ND daughter in year 4 at school. We have had some rough times with her behavior and the school have been incredibly supportive, to my daughter and to myself and my partner.

I have general concerns about the teaching of gender ID in schools l, but as yet nothing specific to my daughter or the school.
My daughters few friends are all male, she wears 'boys clothes'. She is sometimes mistaken for a boy and as a result has been asking questions around gender stereotypes, which i think show she is aware she is different. She has never expressed any desire to be a boy, except fleetingly, and only when she didn't understand that girls can be gamers too.
We fully support how she chooses to dress and have her hair, but are very clear she is a girl and girls can do whatever they want and look however they want. She is in the early stages of puberty.

I think i need to have a conversation with the school next term so i can understand how they are approaching the teaching of sex and gender. Has anyone done this? Any advice on how best to proceed? I am verrrrrry keen to maintain a positive relationship with the school. They have been a lifeline, but i would rather know if there is anything i should be worried about sooner than later.

Cheers all

I did it by going to the PSHE briefing that school did at the start of each year, and at the end asking the school how they dealt with gender stereotypes and associated ‘only boys can play football’ type talk and behaviour as I had a football playing, short haired girl who wore trousers rather than skirts.

It wasn’t a great answer (usual anti bullying stuff, where I was worried about some of the Jigsaw resources and books they were using) so I followed up by email and after a few weeks got a reply from the PSHE leads which talked about how they would ensure the teaching made it clear that all colours, sports, activities etc were for both boys and girls.

I made sure to mention it each year at parents evening as an area I was concerned about, as dd was so GNC at the time and there was ongoing nastiness from the ‘football boys’ in the playground around not letting her play football because she was a girl. So class teachers knew I was watching for issues, plus I went to the PSHE briefing every year.

She also had a very GNC boy in her class. His mum became a Governor, but I didn’t have time or energy for that much involvement!

How about:

Dear School,

I would very much appreciate it if I could come in for a chat with someone to find out the school's approach to teaching about gender and stereotypes.

As you know DD has ASD, and ASD children are over represented in those identifying as trans. I don't have any concerns over the school's approach at the moment but realise I don't know exactly what it is. Some press reports about teaching in schools have been a bit worrying recently so I'd appreciate it if you could find the time to put my mind at rest.

Kind regards

Umm, I don't remember there being a PHSE briefing. I will check.

In Year 4 they may not have had a open PHSE briefing for parents yet, but this subject is a hot potato in Primary School at the moment, so you might do well requesting that the PHSE lead being in the meeting with you and the teacher.

They are meant to share PSHE (and other curriculum stuff, too, I think) with parents, someone on here will know the details of what is legally required. Even if they don’t do a briefing, there should be something on their website and the opportunity for a meeting.

Well done for thinking about this OP. The draft guidelines for schools about gender questioning children will help I think. It's so important that you don't get the clueless transactivist adult targeting your child in school.

TeenDivided's letter is a good start to opening up the discussion. I know this isn't happening to your child but this Transgender Trend piece by a clinical psychologist is very useful for sharing with schools that have unthinkingly adopted the "trans child" myth:

https://www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/