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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Dating and disillusioned

9 replies

Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 10:31

Ive started dating over the last few month after a break of 3 year. The men seem to be of real low quality! .
I dont know if its because its a smallish community but its like they still live in their own misogynistic sexist world...its really dated way of thinking! I think im gonna give up and be alone. 2 out of 3 dates have used the term 'pussy whipped'... obviously that shit doesnt go down well with me!!! I pulled them both up about it ..i said define pussy whipped (i think its because I'm a confident woman and theyre putting the feelers out) ..is that when a man cant have control he wants over his OH?!!! I told them i didn't like the term. Its derogatory and Sexist. I also said is a woman thats controlled by the man shes with Cock whipped?!!! Wtf is with these men? Dating is leaving me to want to be alone. Any of you experienced this obvious sexism on dates?

OP posts:
VelvetVoice · 10/12/2023 10:43

what does pussy whipped mean?
and what was the context of their sentence and what did they say exactly?

Original poster
Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 10:53

@VelvetVoice
Its derogatory term
WHAT DOES PUSSY WHIPPED MEAN?This pussy wears the pants in this relationship. Pussy whipped is an insult for a man who is seen as being controlled by his stronger-willed female romantic partner.

It was used under the context of previous girlfriends...i was pussy whipped in essence.i said if you were 'pussy whipped' as you put it..why stay in that relationship? ...and slag her off?
OP posts:
Original poster
Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 10:56

Also the 'male incompetence' thing...not making plans for the date...'oh you know us men, we forget' 😒

OP posts:
VelvetVoice · 10/12/2023 11:03

I know you know not all men are like this and the rare gems are out there somewhere. Unfortunatelly dating can be a long and frustrating game.

If you see red flags just ‘next’ straight away.

There is no point schooling them. It will only make your tired and jadded.

Come up with a way of screening them before even going on a 1st date OR just go with minimal expectations as a research exercise to see what is out there and how you handle tolerating humans beings that have the right to be very different from you or from what you want.

Original poster
Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 11:12

VelvetVoice · 10/12/2023 11:03

I know you know not all men are like this and the rare gems are out there somewhere. Unfortunatelly dating can be a long and frustrating game.

If you see red flags just ‘next’ straight away.

There is no point schooling them. It will only make your tired and jadded.

Come up with a way of screening them before even going on a 1st date OR just go with minimal expectations as a research exercise to see what is out there and how you handle tolerating humans beings that have the right to be very different from you or from what you want.

I wouldn't feel that i have to educate them but i do feel i have the right to object to comments that are overtly sexist. Obviously id never have another date with them. They can absolutely be themselves and have a right to voice their disconcerted history with women, but i throw them back if anything is remotely disrespectful, sexist, misogynistic etc.
I will go on more dates with others, ive 1 planned..yes not all men are same but i think most of the best ones are attached already or married.
I go positive and come back 😒.

OP posts:
InvisibleBuffy · 10/12/2023 11:28

My theory about dating, especially on the apps, is that you've got to remember a lot of these men are single for a good reason. The decent guys looking for a respectful relationship usually don't stay on there long.
Every time, I see a thread on here with a woman complaining about her partners hygiene or controlling behaviour or paying for sex, I think 'that fellow's going to be on Match in a few months'.
There are good men out there. You just need to get through all the frogs before you find a prince.
As others have said, definitely a good idea to chat a bit before going out if you're not already

VelvetVoice · 10/12/2023 11:37

Of course if you want to express your point of view after whatever they say that you don’t agree with, it is up to you.

But if you will never see them again and they will remain strangers, is the energy spent really worth it?

Me, I’d just say Oh really? tell me more and then listen - because I’m curious about people’s personality and experiences or if I really can’t stand them, just cut it short and leave.

After being single for a long time and dating on/off I have finally found a worthy man on a dating app where I was 89% convinced that a worthy man would not spend time at.
Six months down the line he just proved himself over and over and over again that he is very different from the majority out there. But it took time and effort to find him.
However I got to a point where I did not give a F about being single anymore and I don’t give a F if I have to walk away from him if ever needed.

Baldieheid · 10/12/2023 11:53

I'd be grateful they showed their shortcomings as quickly as possible. Saves a lot of time if their shortcomings are one of your boundaries. I also, like a pp, wouldn't spend any energy on trying to change their opinions. I'd move on.

Having said all that, I'd find it difficult to continue if they pretty much all presented the same way.

I'm happily married and already know, should anything happen to DH, that I'd probably remain alone for the rest of my own life (apart from cats and dogs). I certainly would not look for someone.

Original poster
Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 13:42

Thankyou for your replies.
I did listen to why they assume they were 'pussy whipped ' .... It was more the phrase, old fashioned and misogynistic... sexist. Im happy enough on my own but would be nice to meet someone but its not my be all and end all. Its not OLD i found these men its just out and about and because im straight forward 😊. ..so not really chance to ask them anything until the date. I think im going to give the dating a rest after this date and just enjoy doing my own thing .if i meet someone fair enough, if i dont, fair enough. Thanks for time out to answer

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