Online women’s safety groups - feminist or not?

[MrsDina]

Ok, so I’m trying to wrap my head around these ‘Are We Dating The Same Guy’ Facebook groups, which I just read about on another board here. I can’t work out whether they are an empowering, feminist ideology-centred, progressive force for good, that are revolutionising interactions between men and women, or if they are actually conforming to an internalised acceptance of patriarchy, somehow?

I’ve not heard any prominent feminist thinkers or activists give an opinion on the groups, so I guess I’m wondering what the official feminist ‘position’ is? Or if there isn’t one, should we be trying to figure one out?

They certainly fail the Bechdel test catastrophically, and frankly I find it tragic to watch. And I feel that women shouldn’t be forced ‘underground’, only allowed to speak in private, secret groups on the internet with no men present, but still expected to post their story anonymously for their own safety.

I think we should be living in a world where women can share their experiences openly, publicly, transparently, without fear of reprisals and with the knowledge they will be taken seriously by the police and criminal justice system, as they should be.

If we carry on with the ‘whisper network’, and ‘keep it a secret amongst women’ approach, how will men ever be forced to take responsibility for others men’s bad behaviour?

And how will those men ever have a chance to learn, to understand the consequences of their behaviour, to repent, to show contrition? And then to be able to experience their retribution, demonstrate rehabilitation, before finally being granted redemption?

I just don’t see any mechanism in ‘the are we dating the same guy’ process for achieving that.

Or am I just overthinking this and it really is just a simple, neat method of helping other women to avoid a rubbish date?

I think as a second wave feminist that these chat groups you refer to are about how to find a male partner that they can rely on. They seem to me to be about sharing intelligence about the Wild West that is the internet. It is women talking to women, but nothing to do with the politicisation of women. It is however a dorm of outing men. So it’s not underground, because it’s not feminism. Some might be on route to it via this activity but who knows?

I think I understand you. These groups may be a sea of men’s faces, but the discussions are women talking to other women about their experiences - their interactions with men that are unique to their identities as women. So I suppose that is fundamentally feminist.

The secrecy aspect still bothers me though. The creators seem terrified that the groups will get shutdown, and that fear seems wrong to indulge. Surely women should be allowed to openly discuss the groups existence, to candidly tell men that women have chosen to do this, that they have the right to speak, and they will continue to do so?