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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

10 year old non binary friend

34 replies

shebathequeenof · 13/11/2023 12:32

My dd is 10. My daughter now has a friend who has declared they're non binary - much to their parents delight. This child now wears about a billion rainbows and badges with they/ them, and is obsessed with insisting spider man has a boyfriend and told my daughter Ken as in barbie and Ken has a boyfriend 🙈

My daughter has decided they no longer want to be friends with this child as they find the whole thing extremely confusing and overwhelming and is sick of the child running off to tell tales to the teacher or her mum if my child refers to her as 'she' and not 'them'.

Why is this happening? Any advice on how to handle this? I feel like I'm on another planet where wrong is right. My daughter is being told the truth by me - you can't change sex and non binary isn't real - and she's being told off for this. This girl doesn't have many friends at school and up until this crap started sat with my daughter for lunch everyday and played together too at school so hard to just drop her!

OP posts:

Alcemeg · 13/11/2023 14:38

shebathequeenof · 13/11/2023 14:35

Ah no I don't give a fuck I'll call a man in a dress he and tell them it's a bit early for panto!

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🤣
In that case I'll stop overanalysing your grammar, sorry!

Original poster

shebathequeenof · 13/11/2023 14:38

ErrolTheDragon · 13/11/2023 14:35

for the children forced to pretend their kid is the opposite sex to reality.

Or in the case of a 'nonbinary' are they pretending the child has no sex at all? who does this kid change with for PE ?

Yeah non binary. Pe kit is worn all day so no changing at school. I presume they don't go in the boys toilets? Thinking back to when I was at primary this age for me and my friends was very much 'boys are yuck' time and if any girl had said they were non binary and went into the boys toilets no one would of stopped ripping the piss!

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 13/11/2023 14:39

Your daughter doesn’t have to be friends with anyone she doesn’t want to, certainly not one who is bullying her like this.

Original poster

shebathequeenof · 13/11/2023 14:40

Alcemeg · 13/11/2023 14:38

🤣
In that case I'll stop overanalysing your grammar, sorry!

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Grammar never my strong point! Or biology but I know non binary isn't real!

OP posts:

Original poster

shebathequeenof · 13/11/2023 14:45

FlowerBarrow · 13/11/2023 13:18

Sorry but I would not go for “some people believe this but we don’t …”. It gives equal legitimacy to the other view.
It needs to be more like, these are the facts but some people are confused and believe this…

Yes good point you can't prove go's doesn't exist but you can prove there is 2 sexes only.

OP posts:

zanahoria · 13/11/2023 15:01

"is obsessed with insisting spider man has a boyfriend and told my daughter Ken as in barbie and Ken has a boyfriend"

I have no idea about Spiderman but she could be right about Ken and not the first to propose that theory

nothingcomestonothing · 13/11/2023 15:52

shebathequeenof · 13/11/2023 14:27

They is a legitimate word used to describe anyone I call my daughter she her they in the correct way not going out of my way to use it! I certainly never do not use female pronouns on purpose. These they / them people don't own 'they' 'them' despite trying yo change its meaning. I don't belive humans can be non binary.

Thanks for all the replies yes 10 is confusing enough with puberty looming exactly why they don't need this utter drivel.

The teacher takes the whole 'be kind' approach and reminds the class that this special rainbow uses they them pronouns 🤮

I will 100 percent be taking the advice of talking to my child (she/her for the poster who might take the word child to mean I have a genital free one) about how they are not to get told off about pronouns although I think its 'reminding '.

Not long left at primary I am terrified as to how this will play out in secondary school.

Btw this is at a church of England school!

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If it were my DC I'd be telling the teacher that little X might use they/them pronouns for herself, but she can't force the rest of the class to use them for her and my DC will be using sex based pronouns as is their right. X's wants don't trump everyone else's.

This is discrimination towards ND kids,kids with English as an additional language, kids who don't believe in gender woo, and frankly just kids who've got their own shit going on and don't need the mental effort of making special efforts to remember little X's special specialness. This is how we get social contagion, other kids see the specialness and fancy being special too.

But then I'm a pissed off middle aged woman who's had enough of this shit, let alone in primary school, so yeah.

NCGrandParent · 03/06/2024 09:49

PTSDBarbiegirl · 13/11/2023 13:00

Set the example by referring to the NB friend only by their name. Never refer to the fact they are NB and present anything to do with the friend as very pedestrian, thereby taking the drama/attention/I'm different element away. The child is probably not happy and being encouraged by needy, damaging parents.

I agree with this. You don't have to accept the invite in to the drama. That said if your DD no longer wants to be friends with her then that's that.

LittleLittleRex · 03/06/2024 10:37

The Ken/Spiderman stuff would be fine if it was just random chat, but in this case she's repeating common themes and it indicates she's been immersing herself in on-line nonsense and it's just going to escalate.

If the parents chase you up about the friendship cooling, which is quite likely based on the parents I know who get themselves so involved in cheerleading this and looking for victimisation, just say they have different interests now. Don't get into telling them their daughter is a girl or asserting what pronouns you are going to use for her, they will love that. Instead just say it's all a bit boring and sexist and change the topic.

My DD distanced herself from all the kids who were doing this in her last two years of primary. The one that sounds most similar to this child just kept upping it to get more attention, switching back and forth to make sure she could keep telling on people. She has no friends now, it's too much like hard work.

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