A-peaking we will go

[musicalfrog]

Honestly the number of women I've spoken to on this subject in the past few weeks who have 'never really thought about it' well they certainly are now. And they get it!

I would recommend bringing it up in conversation with the women (and men) in your life. Maybe stick to the ones who didn't attend any pride events, to be on the safe side. But do start speaking to people. It's incredibly warming to know that others feel the same way but have either never really thought about it, or haven't felt able to discuss it openly.

I've found asking if someone thinks a woman can have a penis is the killer question. You can literally see lighbulbs being turned on.

I saw this in an exchange online but I’ve brought it up a few times when people in my life ask me why I don’t think “trans women” are really women. Someone asks why, I say because they aren’t women, they’re men. The person will ask what makes them men, and I ask what makes them trans. They puzzle for a bit and then talk about gender identity not matching sex assigned at birth. I say gender identity isn’t important to me, I don’t have one, most women I know don’t have one, people can present however they want, but changing your clothes and declaring it doesn’t make you a woman. At this point we are at a semantic impasse and they give up and I stop caring, or they realise they’re being reductive and resorting to gender stereotypes. It’s pretty incredible how many times this exact conversation has played out recently. It’s very unlikely to offend anyone in real life, though, I’ve found.

How do you start the conversations? Im not great at moving beyond small talk with people I don't know that well and always wonder what to use as the intro chat for the topic!

@h1d1ng1npla1ns1ght that's actually brilliant.
Thank you.

I find JK Rowling books are quite useful as a conversation starter. Some have said nervously that she's anti-trans/problematic now and I always say surely just pro-women? All she wants is single sex rape shelters etc. No-one ever disagreed with that and most women seem quite thankful to be let off the required Two Minutes Hate.

Sports has also been quite useful. Obvs I believe in equality for all, but Lia Thomas... (picture helpful) poor girls being asked to Be Kind...

And in an environment where we talk about EA2010 and PCs, pointing out that sex is also a PC and no hierarchy.

I've had some success with 'I don't know what the right answer is, but a devout Muslim acquaintance had to stop using the gym because a TW started going during ladies hour. She has lost 100% of her provision so that a bio male can select their preference of all the hours. That is NOT the right answer' is unanswerable. It's also a true example.

I find the sports issue is the best for peaking, particularly men. No one likes the thought of a cheat. And the optics of Lia(r)/ Veronica Ivy etc towering over the women on the podium is great.

I would go further than this by asking them what they believe a gender identity is.

What does a gender identity that "matches" being male look like, and what does a gender identity that "matches" being female look like?

What about biological women who don't have this identity but have female body parts and consider themselves women? Are they not women because they don't have this identity? What do women who don't have this identity but have female body parts have in common with people who believe they do have this identity and have male body parts?

I've always talked about it with people. And generally get a sympathetic response. The only time I don't is when the opposing side is framed in such crazy terms that a normal conversation can't be continued.

Once, an NHS nurse told me she worked with an intersex colleague, and that the whole world should bend over backwards to accommodate them, what's the big deal about women's sport, women's rights here mean less than this person's happiness, and prison guards can stop any TW violence in women's prisons.

Another person said there was a trans persecution complex in the UK with trans and queers committing suicide at unprecedented levels and he was off to the queer safe space of Trudeau's Canada.

There's no way to argue with these attitudes, they're entrenched and effectively cult-like indoctrinaire.

The difference in me is I now don't go looking for conflict, but if it comes to me with a TRA argument, I absolutely stick to my guns, and I'm even more full on than I was 18 months ago.

Back then I was lukewarm on pronouns, accepted the trans child, was naturally non antagonistic.

Today? I won't ever accept pronouns, in myself or anyone else. Critically, I have zero compliance on the idea of the trans child. It feels so much more genuine and truthful to actually say that I didn't voluntarily ditch one religion to then be forced to accept a new one some four decades later.

One needs to be armed with the facts, to be able to counter their "facts". And not lapse into anger, abuse, strawmen, ad hominems.

I won't look for a fight. But if anyone wants one, I'll happily comply. Now is the time to be brave, to be yourself. There's a lot of women and girls to stick up for, and Enlightenment, common sense and logic, to protect.

At the moment it's mostly about mixed sex facilities in schools. But it could be anything topical, not everyone reads the news (especially on this topic) and they quite like the feeling of being informed. I have mentioned Lia Thomas and nobody has really heard of him unless they follow the subject so it's always a bit of an eye opener for them.

Although I will say that it's something to bring up with people who you do know well too, not just casual acquaintances. Some of my closest friends had never had that discussion.

And btw it gets easier with practice.

My hope is that little nudge will get them to do their own reading in their own time. It's not all up to me, but I can get the ball rolling.

a devout Muslim acquaintance had to stop using the gym because a TW started going during ladies hour. She has lost 100% of her provision so that a bio male can select their preference of allthe hours.

This is one of the real insidious parts of it all. Widespread gynophobia and Islamophobia are wafted away as non-existent and/or irrelevant; but even calling an obvious male 'he' when he wants to be called 'she' is actual violence, extreme transphobia and often followed by claims of trans suicides as a direct result.

What if that Muslim lady found a large part of her identity and self-worth in health and fitness and regular working out - why doesn't she matter? What about all the women and girls who want to feel safe when they go to the toilet, and deserve to be able to deal with a routine natural function without fear - why don't they matter?

There's never even any attempt from the TRA side to try to balance the needs of others with their own requirements. It's just all about them and how crucial it is for them to be validated - ironically, they often use the word 'safe' - and nobody else matters in the slightest.

And then, there's the arrogance that, when people like JKR stand up for women, once again, they seek to centre themselves in it all, so therefore she must be only seeking to upset and restrict them.

I’ve only just started talking to friends and family about it, and have introduced the subject by saying jokily “Oh, I’m a terf now, by the way!”

Only my university-employed niece has bristled at that, and I can imagine the pressure to conform she must be under at work, but she’s clever and a feminist, and I’m sure persuadable. She did gasp when I told her about rape victims having to refer to “her penis” in court.

Hannah Barnes’ book Time to Think was the eye-opener for my sister, and my 86-year old Dad is currently reading Helen Joyce’s Trans, given to him by his kinda-girlfriend. All of us are left-wing, I think Labour are dragging their feet on this issue, they’re behind the times.

#NoDebate and #BeKind and #TWAW have really done a number on us all.