Advice on how to deal with school.

[Ledkr]

So dd 12 who is in Y8 had a lesson yesterday about gender and all the different types of identities including CIS and non binary.
She got told off for talking while teacher was which she didn't dispute and accepted a detention for.
So today during this detention she was grilled on why she was talking (which they wouldn't normally do if it had been any other lesson) and she said that she didn't really understand why she needed to learn about it in school. He then was angry and told her she needed to learn so she can respect other people's identities. She replied saying that she was very respectful of all people regardless but she just didn't feel that they needed a lesson on it.
He has now told her he will be escalating this to her HOH. I'm furious. She is a good girl, works hard and is never on trouble.
She is also partially deaf and sufferers from dreadful tinnitus but there has never been a lesson to explain what children like her deal with everyday. I am so angry that a 12 year old has to deal with this.
Can anyone help me with an email to school?.

I think you need to separate out the issues to be honest. Regardless of her personal beliefs she probably shouldn't have been talking over the teacher. Also when questioned she seems to have insinuated that she talked over the teacher because she didn't think it was an important lesson to be taught in school/she didn't agree with it.

I would think this would be annoying in any context. 'I don't know why we need to learn about Christianity', 'I don't think we need to learn about evolution' etc would be other examples of different things students could decide don't fit with their personal beliefs.

If you don't think she should be in the lessons, address that - and see if she can do something else for that hour.

Also yes you should definitely raise that the school should be teaching about disability. It's terrible if they don't do this already.

And, for balance, if in those lessons, a student talked over the teacher because it wasn't personally relevant to them, I would expect the teacher to pull that student up.

Hmm.
Maybe email stating how disappointed you are that she was found talking and will be speaking with her. However, as this is so out of character, in order to do so, you'd like to have details of the lesson content shared with you?

You're sure that the school is aware of the new guidance on teaching gender ideology and that teachers should not tell children that they might be a different gender based on their personality or the clothes they want to wear, or reinforce "harmful stereotypes".

You'd also like clarification as to what the teacher said when he questioned her motives for talking - you accept she should be sanctioned for talking but need to be certain that your daughter is not being targeted by an adult for holding legitimate & factual beliefs? (see Forstater judgement)

Here's the (lengthy) guidance:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/plan-your-relationships-sex-and-health-curriculum

And perhaps, given her disability, the school can advise where in the PSHE programme attention is being paid to the type of disability that directly impacts on her learning - for staff & students?

Thank you for your helpful and really useful replies.
Think we will ask for clarification on the reasons for escalating to HOH and go from there.

I think the trick is to respect the issue about "disruption" but to see what you can find out about what that lesson included. At face value no children should be gaslit with a lesson about "gender identity" but leading the school to understand this in the light of so many trans advocate adults in schools is currently challenging.
Also worth remembering that schools are required by law to be politically impartial and political viewpoints must always be presented as part of a balanced curriculum offer (1996 Education Act). Teachers must not present their own, or anyone else’s, political views as fact. As a general principle, they should avoid expressing their own personal political views to pupils unless they are confident this will not amount to promoting that view to pupils.

Effective competent teachers manage this. Hot headed activists have always struggles with it. Sounds as if the lesson and the teacher intervention breached most aspects of this.

Good luck with the school.

This is so loaded by you it's unbelievable.. She should't have been talking and to have got a detention for it I doubt it was just the once.
She shouldn't have been questioning the syllabus - the absolute cheek of it!
The subject matter is clearly something you have an issue with and you've influenced your dc.
I feel so sorry for anyone working in education - seriously, do better.

@stonedaisy

She shouldn't have been questioning the syllabus - the absolute cheek of it!

If the material was politically biased, which is very possible, they have every right to question it. Schools have a legal duty of impartiality.

If they are teaching that kind of thing, then I would argue that they need to be including the GC perspective, and making sure it's taught that "trans rights" are controversial within society. Of course they can't teach that TWAW.

'you doubt' - based on what evidence? Pure speculative hogwash.

Children should be encouraged to question the syllabus. We want to encourage independent thinkers who are able to eloquently set forward a case and engage in debate.

Next para is again, pure speculation with a side order of ad hom.

Last sentence is a complete non sequitur. Do better.

Anyway, OP, your DD sounds like a very sensible girl.

I wonder if it's worth talking to her about how to avoid confrontation with zealots and extremists? In a situation like this, where a teacher has apparently a hostile and antagonistic attitude, it seems like it might be more useful to learn to take on a 'grey rock' approach.

Maybe also worth having a chat about the subject and listening to any concerns she may have. I know that the atmosphere in some classes/schools can be oppressive and even threatening; that's a lot for children to deal with. They may well be confused and upset at some of the cognitive dissonance, dishonesty and unfairness. The point about her disability, and the comparative lack of awareness is a very cogent one.

I've had productive and interesting discussions with teenagers on exactly these types of subjects - when we choose our battles, with whom we choose to debate, at what time, etc.

That's such good advice Arabella. We shouldn't be putting children in the front line to tackle this given the danger it can put them in.
Adults need to take on these responsibilities & shield our children as far as possible from adult extremists who may attempt to coerce & bully. Ensuring that schools follow the law & guidance is for adults to challenge in these circumstances.

She shouldn't have been questioning the syllabus - the absolute cheek of it!

Get a grip, it's hardly the crime of the century for a bright 12 year old to question what she's being taught.

I'd advise separating out the disciplining issue from the content issue. I'd email/phone to say you are entirely supportive of the dtn for talking under the teacher, however you are concerned about the content of the lesson and ask for details. I'm a secondary teacher myself and I have no need of the pp's pity. I very much welcome parents like you who are with me in challenging gender ideology in schools. The school will be much more receptive to you if you make it clear you are not motivated by a desire simply to get your dd out of trouble.

I reckon the best thing is to pull her out and home educate. Then you can blinker her from all the subject matter that isn't to OP's taste

He then was angry and told her she needed to learn so she can respect other people's identities.

I would want to know exactly what they mean by "respect" here.

I'm going to guess that they aren't teaching about GC or conservative perspectives that are critical of trans identity and trans rights claims.

If "respect" means don't bully people, that's fine. If it means that gender dysphoria is a real medical issue, again, I think that's fine. Although people can be skeptical of the modern explosion in cases.

If "respect" means anything more than that, then I can only imagine they have crossed the line into indoctrination.

Thanks again everyone. Such a lot (mostly) of intelligent advice and information. I think I just want to ensure any further discussion is had with our support and that a 12 year old isn't questioned by an adult about such an adult subject and with undertones of her being a bigot.

If it's taught in a balanced way, with the GC perspective given, then you would be happy with that presumably?

So arguments can be given for and against the idea of trans identity, and kids can make up their own minds?

Further to my post above. I see that you can't entirely let the discipline aspect slide as it has been escalated. I would ask for clarification on what exactly she has been escalated for. It sounds like she attempted to express a GC viewpoint but it may have come across as disrespectful. It would definitely be worth asking the teacher exactly on what grounds it has been escalated.

It is hard because having an attitude comes off badly. Maybe the hoh will understand and it's a good thing? Def raise the way she felt her own beliefs are belittled not in class but afterwards.

If anyone tries to teach my children that it’s possible to be born in the wrong body then I would hope everyone would question the syllabus. Schools have shown they can’t be trusted on this subject and have actively been pushing a harmful narrative.

I would definitely enquire why the punishment was escalated to the Head of House. You might be best to approach the Head of House directly, as it seems that the teacher is a bit of activist and probably best avoided.

Any update on this OP?

I would have great concern re the detention supervisor and his “she needs to learn”. See here for another recent example https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-12607085/Married-Sight-UKs-Brad-kicked-exhibiting-controlling-toxic-behaviour-Shona.html

His language is not what I would like for my daughter to be receiving.

Hope I can get an answer on whether you are fine with schools giving the arguments for both sides?

I'm sure you wouldn't want to hide that from kids right?

Great replies and good advice from everyone... except stonedaisy who is more than a touch defensive.

I can't imagine why 🤔