Potential situation nearly 25 years ago *trigger*

[IronNeonClasp]

The whole RB stuff has triggered me.
I was lured into a situation many years ago age 26. On arrival and naively thinking I was spending the latter part of the evening - after a night out- with a well known DJ back then (1999), I was subjected to a torrent of abuse from one of the many entourage of 7/8 males who were clearly wanting to do something to me as a collective - one lusting and stroking his boxer shorts explicitly (and his girlfriend had a go at me in a lift before I knew what I was getting myself into).
I can’t remember around 2 hours of the night but I think that was my coping mechanisms not because of any wrong doing. I was wise and didn’t accept any drinks and ensured drinks were sealed before I did.
Does anyone have any advice please? Is it too late for me to describe the hell I went through that night? Offered drinks but even then knowing they could be contaminated?
Should I report this?
My b/f thinks I should but I feel so weak about the fact I didn’t report it many years ago. Plus I have very hazy memories about the late night / early morning until I managed to get away. I was held at gun point by one of the party. Hotel staff ignored my pleas for help also.
Should I let this go?

I was lured back to a hotel on the promise of cocaine. Before the onset of male ‘friends’ it’s difficult to explain without being explicit

Hi OP - so sorry to hear what happened to you.

I am not part of any support service so am not saying this as a professional, but it is possible to report historical abuse to the police - see https://www.rapecentre.org.uk/police-reporting/

But before you do that you might like to talk to a support worker from a rape crisis centre or helpline near you. You can find a list here https://rapecrisis.org.uk/find-a-centre/

They might help you work out which will make you feel better.

And it isn't weak that you didn't report. For many women this is how they cope at the time.

It's good that you can talk to your boyfriend, and hopefully he will support you whether you decide to report or not.

Best wishes and dont be hard on yourself

I so sorry - I have no idea if it's helpful but woman's hour yesterday had someone who's part of a new independent body that's being set up to go to with these issues and to be a regulator for all media companies.

I don't know if it's worth listening to that to see if it's of any help.

She said she knew of cases right now with ndas etc.
but I would speak to the police - it could be that others come forward too.

Tweet detailing it

x.com/bbcwomanshour/status/1704790278643515857?s=46&t=A2fpFNgDRyXF2d6ye97wEA

Actually I don't think it is that but worth being aware of

https://ciisa.org.uk/services/

I'd go to the police as it's a historical allegation

Just to say I am very sorry, and I hope you are ok.

Also not a specialist but piecing together an incident from the past and putting it on the record can be cathartic. You cannot change the past - nobody can - but you can make sure it exists somewhere outside your memory.

From your description it sounds likely that you were not the only young woman preyed upon. And perhaps you weren’t weak, just realistic about the support you would get. It was a different time.

There may be many other women who have similarly old, hazy memories involving the same name and location. Having them all on record allows police to see a pattern and may help lead towards a case with clear evidence.

Try writing everything down you remember, leave for a day or so whilst not dwelling on it, then come back and revise it. Do this a few times and take with you if you decide to report.

I wonder how many sleazy, arrogant minor celebs are currently feeling a bit uncomfortable reading about Brand, and remembering their own behaviour in the late 90s/early 00s?

There may be many other women who have similarly old, hazy memories involving the same name and location. Having them all on record allows police to see a pattern and may help lead towards a case with clear evidence.

Try writing everything down you remember, leave for a day or so whilst not dwelling on it, then come back and revise it. Do this a few times and take with you if you decide to report.

I was just coming back to say something similar to this. And maybe try writing it down just for you to start with. Dont think of it being read by the police. It maybe that writing it down helps you. And then even if it is next year that you feel I do want to report it, you have it written down.

But in the meantime, dont forget you can contact your local rape crisis centre or helpline to talk to someone. Or the national help line and / or online chat. https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Please note that the illustrations on this page show both men and women. But, although not made clear enough, all calls are taken by women.

Wow I’m so grateful for your replies. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to be honest - I never thought I would be so weak. I have a daughter.
It definitely impaired me and does now. I feel worthless. I also have no idea to this day if anything did happen. In my body I didn’t think so at the time so I think with the not drinking whatever they were trying to give me helped. But I still felt massively uncompromised. Or trapped and they wouldn’t let me leave.
I think @Beowulfa has hit the nail on the head. I wonder how many cities or towns these misogynists were visiting fairly regularly and other woman had the same horrendous experience.
(Sorry I did say held at ‘gun point’ as I was trying to put down my hazy memories- but a gun was threatened.)
They were not nice men…

ETA sorry Compromised. I wish I hadn’t posted this :(

I think if it's something that bothers you then it's worth exploring, so that you can come to terms with it and stop feeling worthless. I hope the resources pp have suggested help you.
I finally reported to the police something that happened to me, must've been 25 years earlier. They were very helpful. It also made my DH realise what a big deal it was for me and he became my therapist! Anyway, I'm saying that it's a good thing you started the thread, and I hope you get some resolution.