Best support for trans widow

cocoromo · 2023-08-08T21:18:52+00:00

Hi all. A very close friend is currently splitting up with their trans (Mtf) partner. can you wise mumsnetters point me in the best direction of support from others who have experienced this? there is still a element of ingrained TWAW ideology but I think she is waking up to the years of gaslighting that have been happening. Please send links for me to send on to show her she is not alone and things will get better?

HagoftheNorth · 08/08/2023 22:41

You’ll be wanting the trans widows’ voices website
https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/

and also the trans widows threads on here (easy to look up). I think it’s up to about 5 now, but probably worth checking back through them.

TinselAngel is your best contact, but I won’t @ in case I’ve spelt it wrong

Best wishes to your friend, it’s a really shit thing to happen

Home | Trans Widows Voices

A trans widow is a woman whose male partner believes that they have a gender identity other than “man” or who cross dresses. Women in this situation report feeling like their male partner has died. This site exists to share the experiences of trans wi...

https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/

Justme56 · 08/08/2023 22:44

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4236287-trans-widows-escape-committee-5-and-so-it-continues

Not sure about linking threads but if this works it will take you to the most recent one.

So sorry this is happening to your friend.

Original poster

cocoromo · 08/08/2023 22:55

Thank you both for the links. I had just found that one after I posted and it is looking very helpful. I’ll send them on and hope they help.

OP posts:

MissingLesbianSpaces · 08/08/2023 23:52

I was just talking about Trans widows with a friend today. I mentioned how unfair it is that these women are not supported, but I doubt they would tell a straight married man that he is actually.a.gay man if his wife wants to transition. It is all just pure sexism.

margaretatwoodslefteyebrow · 09/08/2023 10:26

I am also a recent trans widow and coming across the above resources in January this year was what finally opened my eyes and have given me the strength to start separation and divorce and to talk to others. Up to this point I had been entirely alone with it for years. I cannot stress enough how revelatory this discovery was. I had to take a week off work just to begin to work through it all and process it. I put up with so much in the effort to keep my family and marriage together (we have 3 primary school age children). The cognitive dissonance has been and continues to be incredibly destabilising. I am more than happy to reach out to your friend if you think it would be helpful. Please do DM me if they are open or think it would help. Im in Yorkshire if they happen to be in the North. Im still working through so much and psychologically pushing so much to one side just to get through the next 18 months and get a good foundation in place for co-parenting which I know I will have to spend time and money resolving later to rebuild myself as a person. I would love to be able to be a personal support to others in this situation.

TinselAngel · 09/08/2023 11:53

coming across the above resources in January this year was what finally opened my eyes and have given me the strength to start separation and divorce and to talk to others. Up to this point I had been entirely alone with it for years.

That's really good to hear, as wanting women to not be alone like I was, is what made me start doing all this.

margaretatwoodslefteyebrow · 09/08/2023 14:06

@TinselAngel I will be forever grateful

Original poster

cocoromo · 09/08/2023 22:08

margaretatwoodslefteyebrow · 09/08/2023 10:26

I am also a recent trans widow and coming across the above resources in January this year was what finally opened my eyes and have given me the strength to start separation and divorce and to talk to others. Up to this point I had been entirely alone with it for years. I cannot stress enough how revelatory this discovery was. I had to take a week off work just to begin to work through it all and process it. I put up with so much in the effort to keep my family and marriage together (we have 3 primary school age children). The cognitive dissonance has been and continues to be incredibly destabilising. I am more than happy to reach out to your friend if you think it would be helpful. Please do DM me if they are open or think it would help. Im in Yorkshire if they happen to be in the North. Im still working through so much and psychologically pushing so much to one side just to get through the next 18 months and get a good foundation in place for co-parenting which I know I will have to spend time and money resolving later to rebuild myself as a person. I would love to be able to be a personal support to others in this situation.

I’m so sorry to hear you are in this god awful situation also. Thank you for the offer I will ask ❤️

OP posts: