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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

GC - how to prepare kids

37 replies

Embarra55ed · 09/07/2023 15:20

My kids are very young (5 and 3) but I’m conscious that in the not too distant future they’re going to be exposed to all kinds of confusing messages about the world.

I’d like to bring them up with a strong and secure knowledge that their own bodies are perfect and that they can choose to wear whatever clothes, love who they like, do what they want (as long as it doesn’t harm others) without having to change their bodies in any way. I want them to understand that they have a biological sex and it is immutable.

Obviously I’ve started talking about these things in an age appropriate way already, and as I have one of each sex they already understand physical differences, but I wondered if anyone could recommend any good books or other resources that I could use to lay the groundwork before peers and potentially school start trying to brainwash them (sorry if that sounds paranoid!).

OP posts:
Embarra55ed · 10/07/2023 00:28

Notamum12345577 · 10/07/2023 00:03

I’ve never seen a Transgender person say they can change their sex. They say they can change their gender.

Lucky you

OP posts:
Thatgirl1981 · 10/07/2023 06:16

Told my kids you can’t change sec we looked at you tube videos of men in cultures that were skirts

my 8 year old would give any trans activist a run for their money

I have to drumb this into them
my middle one is learning disabled at at SN sxhool so would be very receptive to this if told by a teacher

I have made sure I seen all the RSE curriculum on both schools I also made sure that people conflate gender and sex

we have talked about of somone what’s you to call then she her and they are a man and also what if they say your hurting their feels

her answer was pretty good to be fair she said I tell them their hurting mine by telling lies 😊

It’s a shame really but it needs to be done imagine if them girls hadn’t been prepared my their mother 2 girls would believe you can be. A cat

Thatgirl1981 · 10/07/2023 06:19

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 15:29

Poor school if you think they’re going to brain wash them OP

mine is brilliant. Balanced open minded and keen to encourage debate and discourse.

Problem is we don’t what school are and are not doing until you ask

my friend thought her school was amazing she asked to see the RSE they were giving out house points in exchange for pledging allegiance to the pride flag 🤷🏿‍♂️

Fillyourshoes · 10/07/2023 07:44

Thatgirl1981 · 10/07/2023 06:19

Problem is we don’t what school are and are not doing until you ask

my friend thought her school was amazing she asked to see the RSE they were giving out house points in exchange for pledging allegiance to the pride flag 🤷🏿‍♂️

That is a poor school then

a good one, which is like the one I described, actually invited parents in to discuss how they would be addressing these current issues dominating social discourse

DontGetEvenGetEverything · 10/07/2023 08:40

@Slothtoes "It’s also part of safeguarding to tell your kids that if someone makes them feel physically threatened or uncomfortable, or is trying to put them in a situation they don’t want, then it’s absolutely fine to be rude. #BeKind must come with heavy caveats, otherwise it’s a pretty dangerous message"

Gosh that's a really important point.

Thanks

LonginesPrime · 10/07/2023 08:41

I think at that age, the key messages are the same as ever around sexist stereotypes, there are no such thing as boys' toys and girls' toys, they're just toys and you play with the trucks or the kitchen if you want (and challenging any ideas to the contrary they get from school).

On gender identity ideology, I would explain it in exactly the same way you might explains Christians or Muslims to a child if you're not one - some people believe x, and they're perfectly entitled to do so, so we respect them in their beliefs. But obviously that doesn't mean you shouldn't believe your own eyes or trust your own instincts, and if a male-looking or sounding person is trying to follow a girl into the ladies' loos at the playground, then come and tell me, don't go in there. That kind of thing.

I don't think I would bother with buying specific children's books for them, as it needs to be more of an ongoing situation throughout their childhood as part of just learning about the world, keeping safe, navigating social situations, etc. It's probably more important that you buy books for yourself on the topic (Stock, Joyce, etc) if you haven't already, so that you're clear on what's what and the arguments on both sides, as you don't want to be blindsided if a teacher suggests your kid is trans or when you need to speak out quickly to challenge something in the moment.

I find that once I feel clear and informed and have drawn my own conclusions on a topic my DC might encounter (e.g. online freedom vs safety, media literacy, etc (my DC are older)), and I know enough of the risks and benefits and the various arguments, I'm much more confident in navigating the unexpected situations when they arise, which is the important bit. Obviously it's fine to admit to your DC that you don't know something and need to look it up, but I think on gender identity ideology especially, the idea and purported freedom it promises children is so enticing that you need to be ready with what you think, there and then, as it's simply such an appealing concept to children and it can take hold really quickly.

Obviously, you would teach them about their bodies and growing up anyway, so it's more a case of checking that the growing up books you choose to explain sex differences (and fiction more generally) aren't full of woo.

The other thing I would say is that the more I know about how gender identity ideologues think about gender and sex and about the language they're using (which is constantly evolving), the easier it is for me to spot when my DC have been consuming content around those ideas, so it's a handy early warning sign. It's similar to how, as your DC get older, you'll start to pick up when they've been exposed to Andrew Tate-style content from the language they throw around in random conversations at home. So just understanding what they might be exposed to is really helpful in recognising it in its more subtle forms and addressing it as it arises.

Embarra55ed · 10/07/2023 09:19

Thank you so much @LonginesPrime - a really helpful post. I think you’re right that the starting point is to make sure I’m across both sides of the argument.

OP posts:
CarbonNeutral · 10/07/2023 09:21

Peony654 · 09/07/2023 15:31

The irony. You’re worried about the school brain washing them so you’re going to do it instead… let them make up their own minds

Make up their own minds about whether there are only 2 sexes or not? Do they get to make up their own minds about whether gravity exists or whether the earth is flat as well? Some things are just facts you loon.

SafeAsAMouse · 10/07/2023 09:47

My son is growing his hair long. He’s 8. I’ve told him that he can do that but he can’t change if he’s a boy or a girl. Luckily we have a few long haired men in our family and a few women with short hair. I’ve not made it a big deal.

Kids are obsessed with body parts at this age so it’s really easy to talk about it in an open way. I’ve also told him he’ll be bigger and stronger than me one day coz he’ll be a man.

Carouselfish · 10/07/2023 10:49

I've posted this before but I Am a Tiger is a great picture book about...a mouse who thinks he's a tiger and tries to justify it and then tells all the other animals what they are.

I also think just saying a lot of anyone can wear anything or like anything, doesn't matter if they are boys or girls. But also that boys and girls are built differently and men are just physically stronger.

Also having a separate inclusive narrative not presuming they will be straight as don't want any self hating homophobia. So I say if you ever get married to a boy or girl etc.

Also, separating out not being mean to anyone, people can think what they like, pretend what they like, long as its not hurting anyone else. But keeping that grounded in reality, just because one person believes something doesn't mean you have to too.

Segat111 · 11/07/2023 16:25

For the ones at the back:

'Gender' comprises a list of arbitrary (and often offensive) sex-based stereotypes.

Thatgirl1981 · 11/07/2023 20:03

Segat111 · 11/07/2023 16:25

For the ones at the back:

'Gender' comprises a list of arbitrary (and often offensive) sex-based stereotypes.

I don’t even care about all of that it’s just not true that’s it

I told my children
what to say if a teacher tells them there are more than two sex’s

that gender is made up and they really mean sex

and that whatever you were you can’t change sex

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