A tragic but insightful detransitioner

[WomenShouldStillWinWomensSports]

The heartbreaking story in the DM today of a boy who was bullied and gaslighted by his classmates into believing he was something he wasn't, whose religious mother demonised him for being a young adolescent developing interest in sex, who at age 17 went to a mental health professional for help and was told he was transgender, and went through full MtF transition only to realise he wasn't trans at all.

This one is particularly striking because he wasn't caught up in an internet trend, it sounds more like it was pushed on him by everyone around him until he believed it and was shunted through these invasive interventions.

I'm struck by the young man's insight into why this happened to him and what he thinks needs to change to the current system of medicalising teens.

Here are some quotes I thought were particularly apt:
"Speaking about the time, he continued: 'I felt like I was playing a role, a role that I was faking - which is obviously exactly what every trans person does but they mostly don't think of it that way."
and
"'The transition didn't solve anything, it only made everything worse and it was killing me.
'I tried to kill myself on several occasions. I was miserable.
'In the beginning of this year I knew that there were only two options for me - go through a detransition or die."

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12250695/I-trans-surgery-woman-19-four-years-later-Im-man.html

Yes, definitely a lot to un-pick there.

Yes, but the things he says suggest some pretty complicated and messed up stuff - regarding his sexual orientation.

From watching the Netflix documentary 'Regretters' ( well worth a watch) it would seem that it is increasingly common for de-transitiong men to seek re-construction surgery - but at the point in time that film was made the resulting new penis would be permanently erect.

Women have far more nimble fingers than men, and there tends to be more of a 'looseness' in hand and wrist movement. One of the stereortypical presentations of a camp gay man is that he walks with a" limp wrist"

Homophobia cannot be stamped out because a school policy disapproves of it. Homophobia, and any other type of prejudice, is still communicated in a myriad little ways.

Now, Daniel, who is from the Czech Republic, is fighting to get his former identity back - because he is still considered a woman in the eyes of the country.

His gf is called Tereza. I'd guess this all happened in Czech Republic.

Yes

its horrifying

someone i know is going through this operation this year, I’m actually quite frightened for them

@Forwarder His name sounds English and he opines on the NHS, so could have happened here as well. It’s not all that relevant. I was asking about the bullying because he’s young and I’d have thought those attitudes are in the past. But as pp says, could happen furtively, despite any school policies.

@LadyWithLapdog er, 'gay' is still very much an insult teenage boys hurl at each other. Some research suggests the more that schools ram LGBTQ+++ down their throats the more homophobia there is in a school.

If gay is still an insult this is horrendous. What research is there about education and homophobia?

I should say my DCs are/were in single-sex schools and they haven’t related any homophobic incidents happening there. I know it’s only two schools and they won’t know everything that’s going on.

What an enlightened society we live in today, effeminate boys are required to be cured via sex changes, with medical practitioners and LGBT+ charities believing that gender non-conformity can be cured via surgery.

Obviously something wrong with my hands and wrists. They have never been in the slightest way limp.

bullying and homophobia are completely rife in UK schools. Its easier for teachers just to look the other way and pretend nothing is happening.

I think this should really be no surprise. Doing the opposite of what their fuddy-duddy elders tell them is how some kids, particularly boys, roll in their teen years.

The fact that the elders don't see themselves as being fuddy-duddies is irrelevant.

It does seem like the world has gone mad. I’m not feminine by any stretch, I hate dresses and makeup. But I’m still female, I hate this narrative that masculine people are men and feminine people are women. It’s absurd. I find that the whole narrative just makes no sense. I was talking to a teenager (female who identifies as male) who considers themselves straight as they like women. But then they were telling me that they had to change schools because their old school was so homophobic. That just makes no sense - by their own admission they were not gay at all, they consider themselves straight. So why does the school being homophobic matter. There definitely needs to be more therapy before taking drastic steps like castration. Seems like if any psychologist questions if someone is actually trans they are labeled a transphobe.

by their own admission they were not gay at all, they consider themselves straight. So why does the school being homophobic matter.

Because feminine boys are often presumed to be gay. So if you are a feminine boy and there is a culture of bullying within your school you likely to get bullied for being gay regardless of your sexuality.

Sorry I skimmed your post too quickly Neodymium. You were talking about a girl who identifies as a boy who likes girls. It’s interesting because anecdotally many detransitioners say they were bullied when everyone thought they were lesbian but they became more accepted once coming out as trans. I guess being bullied as a lesbian is one reason that young girls are transitioning is the first place so it must be relevant even if they are in denial about being gay.

One of the things I find most telling about his statement is him saying he felt he had 'no other option at that time.' He 'had' to date men because no girl would ever want him.

That is such teenage black and white thinking. Classic disordered thinking that a few CBT sessions would begin to identify and challenge.

ThaT poor poor boy. He needed telling that nothing was bloody wrong with him or his body. Not castrating 😢

Ironically sex positivity has lead to normalising the more extreme practices when really it should be more abkut telling young men like this that its normal and healthy to be interested in sex at an age where its legal to have it and wanting to have a sex life with your girlfriend/boyfriend is not something that needs medical or psychological intervention.

Can we please get back to normal. Where we tell kids teens and young adults that their healthy normally developed bodies are perfect as they are, that sex is a normal part of loving relationships and butch women and effeminate men do not need hormones amd surgery. Theres room pr there should be for everyone just as they are.

It does seem to be the case, that it is easier to be trans than being gay. Which is sad. I don’t think that they actually think this to themselves though like it’s not done consciously. Plus if anyone dares to say anything like are you sure you aren’t just gay then you get labelled a transphobe. A friend has a daughter who swings back and forth being a boy and a girl depending on the day. My friend thinks it’s because her daughter is a bigger girl, and not petite and pretty and she feels like an unattractive female so it’s easier to be a boy. Plus she likes girls. She has ‘made out’ with quite a few of her straight female friends in tic tok videos ect which is apparently fine as she identifies as a boy at the time therefore it’s not gay. I find the whole thing bizarre.