Anyone a lifelong feminist who wasn't a tomboy?

[HarpyValley]

This is something I increasingly muse on, as I see dozens of posts from women here who say "I could so easily have been trans" as they describe a tomboy-ish childhood.

I never really thought of myself as a tomboy. I was lucky enough to be a child in the 70s when it was - or seemed, perhaps with rose-tinted spectacles of nostalgia - perfectly normal to wear trousers and play with my toy garage one day, then a dress and play with Tiny Tears or Sindy the next. The most unease I remember having about my body at that time was that it didn't develop quickly enough compared to my friends; I was a skinny ironing board of a child well up to 14/15. I didn't have lots of friends but those I did have tended to be female rather than male. Physically I was quite risk-averse and not up for the more rough-and-tumble male-driven games. As a horse-mad child I went through phases of playing as a horse (and also a rabbit, after I read Watership Down 😄), but never actually believed I was one.

This isn't to say my childhood was idyllic and problem-free: my dad was an abusive alcoholic with a hair-trigger temper, I was bullied all the way through school, we didn't have much money. But I did grow up with the belief that I could do any job I wanted, that I should earn my own money and be independent. I knew from a very early age that I didn't want children, didn't want to play a maternal role. Then in my late teens, around Sixth Form age, I discovered feminism and never left it. I read The Women's Room, devoured Virago books, discovered Angela Carter and Margaret Atwood and Germaine Greer...I was, have always been and still am happy to declare myself a feminist, even when the word has attracted negative connotations in some people's eyes.

I've never wanted to be a boy or a man, even when exposed to sexism, sexual assault (thankfully comparatively minor) or any other sex-based discrimination. I don't think I would have been ripe to be trans as a child or teen. But I'm not 'cis'. I don't have a gender identity. I'm just me. I have always been me, and that me has always been female, regardless of any insecurities about my body I've had at various times of my life.

Can anyone else here relate?

Me. I'm a very girly girl. Love my Barbie. Love my Disney Princesses.

But I also liked HeMan, Star Wars, computer games etc etc etc

I just didn't care about stereotypes.

I played with Sindy dolls a lot but I don’t think I was an especially girly girl. Mostly as a child I was very glad I was a girl as boys had to play cricket. As an adult I was very glad to be a woman because who wouldn’t be?!

I studied science at university but read widely including a lot of feminist literature. I think I probably considered myself feminist from some point in my teens.

when I was a child I loved my sindy dolls , but I also adored archaeology, I was thinking earlier about the huge pressure at university in the early nineties, to have a waif like , almost pre pubescent look.

I haven't read the thread yet, but I just wanted to say that, to paraphrase Rebecca West, girls are often described as tomboys when they exhibit behaviour that differentiates them from baby dolls.

Hahaha, I can't bear the word tomboy.

It's just another category people use to come at life from a stereotype perspective.

I think we all have different risk profiles and some women like dangerous sports and sticking their neck out at work (which often feels like a dangerous sport) and men are just the same!

I genuinely think that the less risk averse women are the ones closing the gender pay gap by pushing into higher risk senior management roles, the data certainly supports that as the managerial pay gap has closed by 6.9 percent in three years, at that rate it will be gone by the end of the decade.

I've watched the infamous Cathy Newman and Jordan Peterson interview about women and equality a few times where they get into sharp elbows and being disagreeable as a necessity to win a senior position and it's definitely been my experience. I'm not nice in competitive situations, and I think that's the daft insinuation of the word tomboy. Not a nice girl!

The good thing about 50 50 senior management representation is that we might actually be able to tip the balance back to less disagreeable behaviour when there are equal numbers of the two sexes in charge.

I certainly hope that. And the word tomboy can die a death. We are just capable of a range of things, that's all.

Extremely feminine-presenting, straight woman here. Grew up in the 90s and 00s, yes I wore trackies but more the All Saints aesthetic.

Didn't become particularly aware of feminism until I had my first child. Grew up in a very working class, but reasonably well off in terms of income, community where gender roles were (and are) ingrained - boys do footer, girls do dancing etc. Haven't really smashed the patriarchy as was a SAHM for many years and feel very conflicted about the "having it all means doing it all" reality of many of my friends. Consider myself radfem in terms of would like to dismantle the whole gender system and start again, with respect to but not limited by our sex-based reproductive roles.

Firmly believe a more "boys being nurses" approach (as in, putting a higher value on feminine-coded roles and qualities in society making parenting, caring professions, not raping people more desirable) should be the focus of feminism now, not "girls being doctors" which inherently seems to value masculine-coded qualities more. I feel that some branches of feminism seem to find giving birth and breastfeeding almost distasteful. I suppose it's an extension of the "Should I call my daughter James?" question - well, yes, when you call your son Amelia. Which they never do because feminine-coded things aren't as "good".

I wasn't a tomboy. I wasn't a girly girl, but my favourite colours were purple and a kind of violent magenta that I called pinky-purple, or rainbow if that was an option. Sparkly also delighted me. I played with Barbie (mostly to tell stories) and I loved drawing/painting/colouring/reading, usually stories about animals. If you looked at my interests without knowing who I was you'd definitely guess girl. I was really repulsed by all the boy stuff, the sports and army games and being loud and annoying and messy. This is hilarious looking back because I was (am) so messy. But I tried to be neat and make things look nice, I just wasn't very good at it. I remember sitting next to a boy called Chris in English and being absolutely horrified by the way he would just stuff everything willy nilly in his school bag so that the edges of his books and paper were constantly bent and crumpled.

As a teenager, I wasn't that girly but I used to hang out with all the Goths, so I based my teenage style mostly on this, all baggy jeans and hoodies and a lot of black and purple. I could not wait to get boobs. This never happened until I had children and put on some weight!

I don't know if I would have thought I was trans, I did go through a bit of an androgynous phase and made friends with a lot of boys, I think this was probably just because it was a bit of a novelty though, and I fancied them but wasn't really ready for a sexual relationship so I tried to cultivate friendships instead. I think that goth was probably the collector of weirdos when I was at school, if trans/LGBTQ is filling that niche today then yes, I would have been in it.

70s baby. Liked dresses, ballet, Pippa dolls, Girl’s world. Also fixing cars, climbing trees, catapults, chess, maths and science. I was outraged from a very early age whenever my options or opportunities were restricted because I was female. Equally outraged whenever my abilities were questioned, ignored or dismissed because I was female.

Some excellent female teachers and relatives ensured I found my way to Feminist literature in my teens which helped me get a better understanding of the bigger picture.

I wouldn't describe myself as a tomboy but I wasn't a particularly girly girl either. Just a normal kid with a range of interests.
The most unease I remember having about my body at that time was that it didn't develop quickly enough compared to my friends; I was a skinny ironing board of a child well up to 14/15.
I had the exact opposite to this and its probably what got me into feminism early. I was an early developer and got big breasts very young. I was into the DDs by 13. It meant I got a lot of attention and sudden sexual harassment both from boys at school and grown men. It was a huge shock.
I went from being fine with my body and not really thinking about it, to hating it, especially my breasts. I remember fantasising about cutting them off with a knife from the kitchen. It wasn't about wanting to be a boy but hating how I was treated as a female.
I used to read a lot and found feminist books at my local library when I was around 15. That was a lightbulb moment for me.

I'm a lifelong feminist (well since a teenager anyway). I wasn't a tomboy and I am very "gender conforming" in terms of appearance, career and interests. Have always been deeply uninterested in most traditionally "male pursuits" and have never wanted to be a boy or a man.

I read "What Society Does to Girls" by Joyce Nicholson as a Sixth Former - thank you, school librarians!

Yep. I was a young child in the early 70s and remember having a strong sense of indignation about society's treatment of women from an early age. I was an early adopter of using 'Ms' as my title as a young teenager when this was still quite unusual, despite my parents' mockery. Still wore skirts, long hair, makeup etc and never remotely felt or wanted to be male. In fact I agree very much with Basedrops

Liked dresses, ballet, Pippa dolls, Girl’s world. Also fixing cars, climbing trees, catapults, chess, maths and science. I was outraged from a very early age whenever my options or opportunities were restricted because I was female. Equally outraged whenever my abilities were questioned, ignored or dismissed because I was female.

Me! Never wanted to be a boy. Wasn't a tomboy. Not a lesbian. Always a feminist ✊

Me.
l did a degree in fashion in the 80’s Full of ‘ditziness girly females’ according to most people at the time.

l was still a feminist.

Riteous rage right here. Couldn't agree more.

I was livid as a girl, noticing the way boys were treated compared to me as a girl. They were listened to, opinions respected, allowed to pursue goals without barriers.

Soon as I started getting breasts and periods, things went downhill fast for me.

I wasn’t particularly a tomboy as a child, but when puberty hit quite early at around 10, I really fucking rejected femininity. I thought ‘sod womanhood, sod boobs and pubes. I don’t want that yet thanks’ and had the dodgiest boyish fashion period (think curtains and waistcoats). Baggy clothes hid my changing body. It didn’t last long - maybe a year or two. It wasn’t because I wanted to be a boy at all, I just wasn’t ready for womanhood and the accompanying attention.

I do wonder if I’d have been susceptible to non-binaryness if it was now.

Mot à tomboy but didn't do much "stereotypically girly" things.

I did have an action girl, and a barbie I won in a 'design an outfit' competition. And I sewed clothes for my teddies. Read Mallory Towers.

But loads of other stuff too. It never entered my head that I was a tomboy or not a 'typical' girl. Most of my friends were the same and we hung around in a big, mixed sex group until the end of primary school when we all went our separate ways.

Lifelong feminist and lover of ponies, fairies, flowers, ballet, babies, baking. I also have a lot of skills and interests which are stereotypically masculine and others which are neither masculine nor feminine. I certainly never wanted to be a man or spent any time thinking about being one. Why would I? (I'd love to try it for a day though.)

When people say "I could have been trans" I don't think they're saying that they wanted to be the opposite sex. I think they're generally saying that they would have felt pressured to be trans (or claim to be) as a result of having interests which don't fit standard sex stereotypes.

Sure although not quite lifelong, I learnt more about feminism at university

Lifelong radical feminist and never a tomboy. Ballet, pink dresses, my little pony etc. No struggles with puberty and was actually relieved when my periods actually started at 16. Couldn't wait to be a woman and always loved it. Spent my adult life in what has until very recently been a very male dominated field.

This is close to how I am. Ballet, Liberty, dolls house when young.

Happy to get periods as late at 15

Loved maths, economics and any thinking type job

I’m from the Lisa Simpson era of women. I grew up with a fight in me very akin to Lisa. So I’m not sure about “lifelong feminist” but I definitely related to a little girl on the television protesting Malibu barbie and wanting to dress up as a boy to attend the boys maths class and dreaming about being the president. And I most definitely am not a tomboy, and never was.

My own kind of feminist, never a tomboy. It wasn't necessary in the sixties and seventies. I've often been described as 'feminine' by men, but there's nothing girly about me at all. I didn't find it difficult or upsetting to have breasts - I've always liked them. Periods were a pain but I liked being female and with my raging hormones, always knowing where I was in my cycle. Never liked the effects of living in a patriarchy, and noted it's more comfortable to be a lovely young woman when men are falling over you than it is to be older, but haven't found that interest has disappeared as I've aged. What was the question? Oh, tomboy. I was never a tomboy but recognise it as one of many suitable and appropriate presentations for young women and female children.

Yeah definitely. Although my style is even more boyish now as a midlifer than as a kid. Never liked pink/froth. Read Female Eunuch at 12 and the rest is history