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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Email pronouns - again

29 replies

DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 17:37

I have a new job in charity sector. Not started yet but all staff I’ve emailed have their pronouns on their emails.

So, to those people who have just quietly not put their pronouns on, did it matter? Did anyone say anything? I really don’t want to make a song and dance about it, just say that I don’t feel comfortable putting that on my email signature.

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 26/06/2023 17:48

Tell them you consider it a private thing and you wouldn't put your religion or any disabilities on your email either.

That's how I see it now. It's a religion that I don't believe in so why would I put religious stuff on my work email.

dolorsit · 26/06/2023 17:53

My answer is, my name is spelt incorrectly so often so why bother.

Lottapianos · 26/06/2023 17:53

'So, to those people who have just quietly not put their pronouns on, did it matter? Did anyone say anything?'

No, it's not made any difference, and no one had said anything to me. Theres only 2 of us in the team (NHS Corporate) who don't have pronouns in our email signature.

Just quietly leave them out. I honestly think a bit less of anyone who announces their pronouns in any format tbh. I bet you none of them could have even told you what a pronoun is 2 years ago!

dolorsit · 26/06/2023 17:56

It's actually counterproductive. If say 90% of your cohort have the corresponding masculine/feminine pronouns matching m/f names peoples brains will pattern match and notice the they/thems.

Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 17:57

Yes, I agree that I don’t put any of my other protected characteristics on email.

Also, in my personal opinion, it is SUCH a hot topic at the moment that I’d rather not make a statement by putting them. Aside from the fact that I don’t agree with it, I also don’t think it’s great from a business point of view of being impartial.

However, I’m mainly worried about any potential repercussions while I’m on probation.

OP posts:
Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 17:58

No, it's not made any difference, and no one had said anything to me. Theres only 2 of us in the team (NHS Corporate) who don't have pronouns in our email signature. That’s really reassuring.

OP posts:
AngelasAirpods · 26/06/2023 18:13

No it doesn’t matter, you don’t need to do it or draw attention to it. You cannot mess up your probation by not doing it either. Don’t give it another thought.

any place that tacitly coerces/forces you to do it is the very opposite of inclusive, welcoming and “kind”.

mrsmacmc · 26/06/2023 18:15

I don't have my pronouns (would refuse if told too as well!) and nobody has ever said or mentioned the lack of them with no repercussions either.

At a recent medical appt the referral form asked for them too, I left the box blank again no questions asked of me.

Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 18:46

Ok, this is all great. I’ve been worrying about it.

OP posts:
HorribleNecktie · 26/06/2023 18:53

I got asked once at my previous job if I wanted to have my pronouns in my email signature. I replied with a “No thanks” and never heard a peep about it afterwards.

Odense · 26/06/2023 18:58

If you are genuinely concerned about how a refusal will be viewed, just say that you aren’t ready to out yourself yet. Which is entirely true.

Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 19:05

I think I’ll just not do it. And hope no one says anything. It probably won’t even be an in-person conversation. Maybe just written somewhere in their brand guidelines or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 19:05

It’s so weird isn’t it, to have to think about this kind of thing.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 26/06/2023 19:08

It is but I've never been asked to do it, not even when I went to the California campus (very woke tech sector) was anyone using them or asking for them.

I have been asked under other circumstances and I said " I am post pronouns" ....then enjoyed the confused look on his face.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 26/06/2023 19:13

jeaux90 · 26/06/2023 19:08

It is but I've never been asked to do it, not even when I went to the California campus (very woke tech sector) was anyone using them or asking for them.

I have been asked under other circumstances and I said " I am post pronouns" ....then enjoyed the confused look on his face.

Love that!

I haven't been asked to do it for my main job, but have been asked in other, work-related contexts. I usually say something like, "It's not something I feel comfortable sharing", without elaborating as to why. No one has ever pushed further

Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 19:25

Post pronouns!!

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 26/06/2023 19:44

I think I’ll just not do it. And hope no one says anything.

If they do say anything, turn it back on them:

You: Thanks for raising this, but I don't feel comfortable stating my pronouns

Them: oh, I know, it's just that when cis people do it..

You: I'm not cis

Them: oh..erm..

If they (are stupid and) keep pushing,

You: "so, just to clarify, are you telling ne that I must confirm my gender identity to you? What's the consequence if I don't? And is it policy that all employees must publicly state a specific gender identity upon request, regardless of their own personal circumstances and discomfort around doing so?"

Then ask them to confirm their position in writing over email so you can consider it further, as this is a very significant issue to you personally.

Lottapianos · 26/06/2023 20:27

'I have been asked under other circumstances and I said " I am post pronouns" ....then enjoyed the confused look on his face.'

Oh LOVELY! 😁

If I am ever challenged about it at work, I plan to say 'thats not a practice I follow' with a big smile. Either that or just 'no thank you', plus smile

Surlaplage · 26/06/2023 20:35

Our balding, middle aged, married (to a woman) male boss with a name like Dave, put his he/him pronouns in his email. He invited everyone to do the same and nobody did. It was so cringey and looked so silly. An alien observer in our planet would have been scratching its head that there was literally any ambiguity as to whether Dave was a man or not.

eastendmyfreind · 26/06/2023 20:43

Lack of hair is transphobic

Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 21:09

I’ll be interested to see who else in the charity does and doesn’t have them listed. I’ve only emailed a few people there.

It’s all just bonkers. What I also find weird is that I don’t have to do it with other things to show that, for example, I’m not ableist or sexist or whatever.

OP posts:
Original poster
DidItMatter · 26/06/2023 21:10

Funny thing is, when I was a kid, I actually wanted to be a boy. Thankfully no one paid any notice and that was that.

OP posts:
LaLaRaRaRaa · 26/06/2023 21:28

I don’t put it on mine and no one ever asked or said anything. It would be very bizarre if they did. It is considered totally optional where I work.

That said if they do pull you up on it, and you really need the job, then I would add them just to avoid the conflict but I would then start looking for a job elsewhere if that actually happened.

Odense · 27/06/2023 23:39

I have nothing sensible to add, but @LaLaRaRaRaa , I ducking love your name.

lieselotte · 28/06/2023 09:58

I haven't bothered. One person mentioned it to me, but he has a unisex name, so I said I had a very female name, but it might help for him to do it so that people know he's a he and not a she. And that was the end of the conversation, he didn't push it with me.

Even if I were woke, it doesn't make any sense to me anyway. Surely if you are trans, you change your name from say Helen to Henry? Or vice versa?