School dilemma - rugby or rainbows

[MrsPritchard]

Hello fellow vipers. Have NC for this.

I have a dilemma and thought you as women of a similar mind to me might be able to help me untangle it. We soon have to apply for senior schools (independent) for DS so I have been vetting them all closely. We have whittled it down to two which are of a similar distance to where we live, offer much the same range of subjects etc so there is not a huge difference between them on paper.

School A is slightly more selective and gets better exam results. Their big plus is that they do not play rugby which I have always liked because I’m worried about the physical risks involved. However, it has become apparent that they are big on Pride and the alphabet soup, and this year and last they have had whole weeks devoted to it where they have had speakers in, encouraged the kids to write stories or make art etc, and raised money for All Sorts.

School B is religious (although you don’t have to be to go there) and we are not, but DH doesn’t think it’s a bad thing, especially as they do not appear to be interested in the alphabet soup. There are no posters of LGBTQ+ people in the science labs etc for example. However, it is a rugby school so there is that element of possible physical risk to DS (although they say full-contact is not compulsory) and as it is less selective their results are not as strong.

All other schools in the area, particularly the state option, are definitely full of gender woo too so on balance these really are the best options we have.

I’m so tempted just to apply for school B to hopefully avoid the nonsense at school A but I am not sure as the rugby and lower results keeps making me doubt whether that’s the right approach. I don’t think DS is especially at risk from getting caught up in the rainbow stuff but I’d rather it wasn’t a big part of the culture at the school.

So, which is the bigger dealbreaker - the rainbow stuff or rugby? What would you , as lovely mothers who want to protect your PFBs do?!

Rugby (but I live with a Rugby fan) and tell the rainbows place why.

Why are you so worried about rugby? Lots of schools and lots of kids play it, and the school have already said they don't have to play full contact rugby. I don't really get why it is such a concern to you?

I would always, always choose to avoid the school pushing the alphabet mafia agenda.

Choose school B and tell school A why you won’t be sending your child to them.

If your DS is going to well or badly in exams he will do as well or badly whichever school he is at.

He might enjoy rugby if you give him a chance!

My atheist son went to a religious school and it wasn’t a big deal in the day to day life of the school.

Don’t assume that they won’t tell your DS al sorts of gender nonsense in a religious school though. Glad to say mine had decided to identify as an attack helicopter sometime before the inevitable PHSE lessons happened.

Yes, I know the religious school might just not have got on the bandwagon yet, so if he goes there and it ends up being no different to school A then will we regret choosing it? Could there be scope for ‘gendered souls’ and non-scientific woo there perhaps? Still, as far as I can see at the moment there are no major red flags.

Re rugby, I suppose my initial concern when first looking at schools was the physical risk from rugby so I was pleased we had a local school (A) that didn’t play it and assumed we’d send DS there. Then the rainbow stuff became apparent so I had to rethink. I just want to make sure I’m making the decision for the right reasons.

Thanks for your input thus far!

There's a lot to unpick there! I'm not at all a fan of religious schools, though gender woo is just another form of religion, so that would be black marks against both of them.

I'd worry about the rugby, but as it doesn't seem to be compulsory, not too much.

Selective vs non-selective - depends on how your DS copes under pressure. At selective schools they're going to be pushing very hard. Will he thrive with that or will it make him unhappy?

I think I'd try and find parents from both schools and ask if their kids are happy there. If I had to decide on the basis of the information you've given, I'd probably go with the one that isn't fundraising for a lunatic fringe trans pressure group (Allsorts).

What are the other sports? Boys hockey seems to produce the injuries.

At DD's school the kids that don't really want to hurtle around a rugby/hockey/cricket field can do something called multi-sport (so can try out spin classes/badminton/swimming....).

Have you toured both schools? Maybe stalk their Twitter/Insta feeds

Frankly OP if your son doesn't like rugby or isn't any good he won't get in a team anyway. I would not let this put me off a school although there is a tendancy for the alpha males to dominate.

I have observed in my own kids that it is much easier for kids to resist religious dogma (Anglican not Catholic) than any other. You can decide for yourself whether you really think there is a God and ultimately any answer is acceptable to most people: yes, no, not sure. Some believe, some don't, some can't decide.
It would depend on the school's ethos how comfortable it would be to be a 'fledging atheist' whilst there. Is debate allowed?
I have come to the conclusion that it would be better for western democracy, if everyone were still paying lip service to religion rather than pretending to believe in gender woo. Progress it is not.
Clearly a majority of humans have a need to believe in sth greater than themselves and it is healthier for that to be some kind of a benevolent God rather than innate gender woo.
I would worry about Rugby but if not compulsory it is probably ok and shows the school realise there are safety issues with it.
As it is a private school I would ask the Headteacher about their sex ed policies etc. You are entitled to know what you are paying for.

Hi @MrsPritchard I hope it's ok to pick up your old thread. We are currently in a similar position and we are looking for other people's experiences. Have you made a decision?

Yes, we went with the rugby school. The main reasons are that he can definitely opt out of full contact so that is less of a concern. Then over the past year I have become increasingly concerned about the influence of the alphabet soup nonsense in society more generally so I really don’t feel happy about its place in schools.

Post-Cass report I thought it might get rowed back on, but now with the snap election and Labour’s prevarication on this issue I’m glad we’ve opted for a school that has no truck with it.

I have also broached the subject with my son now and am relieved that he seems to think gender woo is nonsense. He seemed appalled that men could have access to women’s spaces by declaring themselves to be women too. He said one of his current teachers said something which I took to be rather terfy recently as well, so it’s a relief that my instincts that there’s been no indoctrination in his primary school seems to be right.

Good luck with your decision, I know how hard it is! Incidentally, he had offers from both schools and I quite enjoyed turning the other one down in the end!

School B would certainly be my choice and I'd let school A know the reason why. For me it's a no brainer. Keep your child safe.

I don't really understand the rugby aversion, especially since contact isn't required. I'd avoid the Rainbow Pride school like the plague personally, they are likely to be annoying about other things too.