Partner could have been trans ----

[Dontsaymyname]

I've changed my name but in my orig name I've contributed to various threads in this forum and have gone from "just be kind" to fully GC.

So i feel a bit weirded out by this. I've been with my gf (and yes, I'm female) for many years. Previously I presented as straight; it took a lot of soul searching to come out.

My gf has never been anything but a quite- butch lesbian. She was also brought up by nuns in Ireland in the 1960s. And she's recently told me that she has always wondered if she might be trans, and that if she had her time again she'd explore that, but no way is she going to upset the apple cart now.

She's also prev said that when she was young, in 1960s Ireland with the nuns, she thought she must be a boy (though had never heard of trans) because she knew she liked other girls but couldn't see how that could be possible if she was also a girl.

No harm done, you can say, but I really don't like the idea that my lovely gf could, if she was 40 years younger, be persuaded to "change sex". I'm grieving this whole idea. I'm just glad it won't happen but I wish I'd never had the possibility mentioned, however theoretically :(

Indeed. And I am not butch, didn't even know that lesbianism was a Thing until I was about 12 and we found some "girlie mags" belonging to my friends older brother, and knew no RL gay women. So i got married to a man. ( But the best thing about that was that I had my daughter!).

Of course there were little girls who were tomboys (Enid Blyton was full of them). But the received wisdom was that they'd grow up, get married, have children -- and nothing about them made them less of a girl.

I'm opposite sex attracted but have never been "girly". If this nonsense had been around when I was young people would have told me I was male and I might have opted for it since I formed male friendships more readily than female and hated periods. Fortunately for me I'm old enough to know what a mistake it would have been. I'm married, with an (adult) child.

If trans is so wonderful then women like me would now be transitioning in droves. We are not - and young people need to hear that.

There are so many people who think it is a very bad idea to be trans (the opposite of accepting yourself for who you are, unnecessary if you just ignore gender stereotypes, and physically damaging) but who think that if they had been young now they might have thought they were (wrongly).

I think your girlfriend must have suffered a great deal of internalised homophobia when she was a young girl brought up by nuns in Ireland. This is well recognised as a reason for young people to think they must be trans instead.

I think about this a lot as a younger woman who dates androgynous/masculine women, it's something we as women/feminists/etc are going to deal with together. I remember reading a tumblr post about some intergenerational lesbian group where a young woman (20something) said "raise your hand if you've ever disidentified from being female" and like half the younger women put their hand up, not just the masculine ones either. The older women were really shocked.
You can follow a woman on tumblr who goes by Kittyit, I think she has a substack or something as well. She and her girlfriend Max post a lot about this stuff. (It might seem weird to mention tumblr on here seeing as how much of a harm that place has done, but there's a strong radfem sub-presence on there with a lot of young women posting about this stuff!)

I think that's really interesting and something talked about a while ago. Is life simply easier for butch lesbians to present as male?

A documentary on the BBC a few years ago described it in young lesbians as having much improved social currency. Going from a masculine woman who doesn't fit in, to a cool, cute little trans man. I somewhat blame LGB organizations for not improving the status of butch lesbians and just focussing on representation of effeminate gay men.

I know a circle of butchies and I often wonder if some would've transitioned if they were teens now. It seems to me the only answer could be yes so I think your partner is just being honest.

Luckily she's looked after her health and attracted a caring partner who loves her for who she is without going down the trans route.