Women - what do we have in common with each other?

[DuesToTheDirt]

OK, so the answer is obvious - the biology of our bodies. It is what differentiates women and men.

But I've been thinking about this some more - there is NOTHING that I, as a woman, have in common with all other women, except biology. We may, as a group, be lower paid than men, or more likely to wear lipstick, or to empathise, or to do the school run, or be sexually assaulted. There are also things that some women do that no man does, like give birth. But not all women do or feel these things (and some typical traits or experiences are shared by some men), so they cannot be defining characteristics.

The more I think about it, the less I understand trans people. How can you identify as a member of another group, when that group is large and amorphous, and when that group's ONLY defining characteristic is something you can never share.

Maybe I am asking in the wrong place, as I expect most people on here agree with me. Can anyone explain?

you are right and not wrong - I think that there are experiences which are so close to universal that they are likely to resonate with other women but nothing that is a defining characteristic that every woman would share or feel the same way about.

ime high on the list of close to universal experiences
1)mansplaining
2)a man making the fact that he's attracted to you your problem to manage rather than his
3)having it taken for granted that you will be happy to serve as an emotional support human

How can you identify as a member of another group* when that group's ONLY defining characteristic is something you can never share*?

Nicely put. You are right, of course.

Biology is the key one.

How the rest of the world treats us as a result of having that biology is a more variable one (particularly between different cultures and time periods) but with extremely large areas of commonality. Varying more in degree than in underlying principles and attitudes. But that still - fundamentally - rests on the shared biology.

Other than being biologically woman I can't think of anything.

I'm sure some of our opposing view posters will be along at some point to answer the question with the answer we've all missed.🤔😁

One thing that I think gets forgotten or glossed over is that although men and women may have some common experiences these things don't happen in the same environment for men as for women. Take for example, dying your hair. Both men and women can and do dye their hair but the environment in which a man chooses not to dye his hair is not the same environment in which a woman chooses not to dye her hair due to societal pressures and expectations placed on men and women differently.

In terms of biology within this discussion it is often noted that not all women menstruate (for instance) and therefore since menstruation is not a universal experience of being a woman then a man can also be a woman. But this ignores the fact that men and women's experiences of not menstruating are not the same. A woman who isn't menstruating may have reached menopause, may be using hormonal contraceptives, may be breastfeeding or pregnant, have a hormonal imbalance, be underweight, stressed, exercising excessively, etc, etc. None of these reasons apply to men. A man does not menstruate purely and simply because he is male. This reason cannot apply to a woman who is not menstruating.

I would say that these things, menstruation, pregnancy, birth, lactation, these are universal female experiences even if we don't go through them ourselves because we relate to them from a woman's perspective.

Even this, though I am not saying it is not common, is not universal. I have been lucky never to have much of any of those three things though I have friends who have.

My only sterotypical experience is, I think, the mother in law issue! No-one good enough for her son, etc. I have wondered if gay men also have this or if they assume any coolness is homophobia.

I think we're all supposed to "feel like a woman" or something. As I'm not sure what this sensation is, I wonder if head tilting might help?

https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/136x4hb/at_30_out_as_trans_im_finally_doing_all_the/

No, no, OP. It's the clothes that maketh the woman. Long nails, fishnets, mini skirts, etc.

I think “woman” is a biological term and describes your sex. That biology drives your experience of all areas of your life, just as other things do. Nobody chooses their biology.

'How can you identify as a member of another group, when that group is large and amorphous, and when that group's ONLY defining characteristic is something you can never share.'

Yep. Suspecting this is the key, actually.

Desiring the impossible. Perhaps BECAUSE its impossible.

My theory is that this is a kind of pretend desire. A falling in love with the craving.

People can fixate on this in the sure knowledge (at some level) that its not possible. So they focus on the endless chase. The forever pursuit. It's the chase itself that they are getting gratification from. You can never 'fail' if you can never actually achieve the impossible dream. You'll always be reaching for it, there is no actual risk of getting it and failing. Or getting it and being an ordinary human being.

This is a distraction from something that is more possible, but is frightening, because there is a real risk of failure or of confronting reality.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining it very well. 'Chasing an impossible dream to avoid having to face real-life issues', I suppose.

Correct, OP.

This is why trans women are not and cannot ever be women. "Women" is not a word for a feeling, or an identity, because those things are personal to each individual. "Women" is a word for a group of people. A huge group of people which includes over half the global population.

In order for that group to exist, all the people in it need to have at least one thing in common that they don't have in common with those outside the group. If that isn't the case, it isn't a group of people that actually exists or that we need a word for, much less a group that needs its own toilets, prisons and sporting categories.

Obviously the thing we all have in common with each other that we don't have in common with those outside the group is our female biology.

There is literally nothing else it could be.

Is it our spinny skirts?

Could be,my money's on the pillow fights.

I suspect a fair bit of ‘I enjoy being submissive, women are submissive, therefore I must be a woman’ also enters into the equation

And that biology creates many sub groupings of women that have commonality with other women but not with men ever.

Submissive unless they work in a Southampton branch of Starbucks of course...

@InterestingUsernameTBC Thanks for sharing this, it has generated a real lightbulb moment for me. A very clear and helpful explanation.

Only biological reality

'ime high on the list of close to universal experiences
1)mansplaining
2)a man making the fact that he's attracted to you your problem to manage rather than his
3)having it taken for granted that you will be happy to serve as an emotional support human'

Totally with you OP - female biology is pretty much the only thing women have in common, although I think this is an excellent list that probably every one of us women can relate to, especially numbers 1 and 3

I would say being repeatedly asked when you are going to have a baby as soon as you turn 30 or get married is a pretty universal experience.

It's all about our bodies. Everything else varies wildly across class, culture, education, ability or disability, personality, sexuality, aptitudes and talents, ethnicity, religion (or none), age, experience, geography and place in history.

What I share with with a young girl in a menstrual hut in Nepal and an elderly woman in care home in Florida is having a female body with all that brings.

I assumed it was regularly sharing menstrual products with strangers in public toilets.

We have fat thighs don't we? That's what Sam Smith said anyway, so must be true.

Shit, I don't, just the breasts, vagina and had a baby, but the lack of fat thighs means I'm a man obvs.
Sam Smith is mental

Less violent offending and crime generally is very diagnostic of being female. I think men being more violent is pretty consistent across geography, culture and time.