It's raining men

[BlackForestCake]

How would you react, if it did, for the first time in history, start raining men?

I have a horror if things falling from the sky and hitting me on the head ever since I worked on a head injury unit.
The other day I was pottering along the lane to the village shop when a pigeon narrowly missed my head and landed at my feet. After I had stopped flapping my arms in shock I realised it was being chased by a raptor - possibly a kestrel. The bird of prey landed on a nearby archway entrance to one of the houses and eyed the pigeon and me. The pigeon looked at me and its pursuer then it took off fast and the kestrel (if that's what it was) took off after it and they both disappeared up the lane headed for the woods.

I would die of fright if a body landed in front of me. I once lived in a small village off the Oxford ring road where there was one of those large country psychiatric hospitals that Thatcher closed. People occasionally jumped off the bridge over the dual carriageway. For this reason I never drove the route that took me under the bridge but took a longer route avoiding it.

I like waking up, hearing the noise of the rain on the roof and going back to sleep in a warm haze of comfort. This may be more difficult than normal in the event of man rain.

And what do these rain men do after falling anyway - do they just lie around, puddling on the roads and and slipping down the drains or do they begin to stand up and shamble about like disorientated zombies? I can imagine the first situation being eventually good for my garden, and the second fairly devastating.

God bless Mother Nature

I would wait by a trampoline and see what the less splattered ones look like.

If there was actual rain along with the men, and they were wearing those tiny pants, they'd all be in the Dressing Gown of Doom by 11 with man-flu.

Could be both at once.

Id think what a waste and poor sods, and then get a big bull dozer to dig a mass grave and a snow plow to gather them up and bury them. They wouldn’t survive the fall from the sky.

Indeed God Bless Mother Nature... although I suspect her definition of 'men' is going to be problematic. She's a bit of a realist, that one.

Would they be fully trained in the art of manhood? Able to put a shelf up, take the bins out, engage in misogynistic banter?
Fucks sake Weather Girls, it's this sort of shite that messed my teenage brain up.

If I was single, part-time!

As I'm married I'd probably just watch from the window

I'd be hoping the council scraped them up before they started to smell and wondering how to get the stains of our drive.

'off our drive'.

Men making history and a mess at the same time would feel a bit same old shit different day to me.

I'd roll my eyes, have a cup of tea to get over my irritation and then get on with cleaning up.

I'd lock the doors, in case any survived the fall.

I'd put my car in the garage before one of them makes a mess of my paint work.