DH has peaked

[whoami24601]

DH has always agreed with me about the sex/gender debate and we've had many discussions about it. However the last few weeks he seems to have completely peaked. He has been watching documentaries and sending me links to stuff I might not have seen. All this is great but now he seems to have gone full TERF all over his social media! As a GC feminist this should make me so happy (though I'm not 'out' yet) but it actually makes me feel really uncomfortable. I can't work out why though. Most of his friends seem not to be engaging but one family friend (the reason I'm not out!) has quietly unfriended him. Can anyone help me to work out what my problem is and make my peace with it please.

While I was typing, Houseofshards posted mentioning Glinner. Despite his sex, speaking out hasn't exactly been without consequence for him.

I'm not saying people shouldn't speak out, I'm saying that when you know what can happen, and someone you care about but who hasn't been following this for as long as you have goes down that route and is being more outspoken than you would be yourself, it could make you nervous, especially if your well-being is connected to theirs in some way.

Glinner discovered the rotting planks and fraying ropes the hard way.

He says he thought it would play out like the abortion rights campaign in Ireland. Sensible debate and victory for common sense. But alas....

I feel similar to you OP, though DH has been peaky all along. I wince when I see some of what he posts, but I think that’s because I’ve seen (through here and elsewhere) what happens when women put their heads above the parapet and I worry about his employer being informed and it becoming an issue. He doesn’t seem to!

It’s this.

I think you've hit the nail on the head here. The woman who has quietly unfriended him I've known since she was born. But I have no doubt she'd cut me off in a solar fashion if I put anything GC on social media. Also a little worried about his job as he works for local government. He definitely thinks Facebook is a space for debate and its not the first time he has posted controversial opinions tbh.

You posted about the OP's husband setting off across a rickety bridge, but it's not. As many of us who are out there know, there is very little real backlash. You'll get unfriended by a few people but who wants shallow virtue-signalling friends who tell lies anyway? You make new, rational, critical thinking friends. People may call you hateful — but they're wrong so who cares what they think. You'll be surprised how, as soon as you come out and say it other people sidle over and reveal themselves to be GC too. They are the interesting, honest people who won't bleat the latest catchphrase in order to virtue signal.

Jeez, that's the last time I express sympathy for someone who's nervous about their husband's controversial real-name posts potentially affecting his job, then

Maybe it's a bit like
"When your friend gets too into it". Yes we're all enjoying the music, but please don't go crazy....
https://ifunny.co/video/when-your-friend-starts-getting-a-bit-too-into-it-ObFyPIl57

Are you not disheartened maybe that he took this long to see the bloody obvious, to see that women actually deserve to preserve their hard fought for rights? Has he been peaked by women, or by a certain type of man like Matt Walsh so he's basically listening to other men?

Or this XD

I'd be very careful. Warn him that he could be in for some serious confrontation or uncomfortable 'informal chats' with HR at work. His union, if he has one, likely won't protect him as most of them are full on TWAW as far as I'm aware.

No because he hasn't taken this long to see the obvious. He's been GC for almost as long as I have, but just taken more of an interest in things lately. He did watch Matt Walsh's docu and I think the sports issue (both me and DD play contact rugby) have brought the issue to the front of his mind. He's reading and watching all sorts now from both a male and feminist perspective.

This is my real worry I think. He likes a debate and wants to he challenged but I'm worried the wrong people will see it and it will have real world repercussions.

To understand your feelings, I think we can look at the possible conditions of that bridge:

1. The bridge isn't safe for him so you worry about the consequences.
2. The bridge is safe for him but is not safe for you which sucks because sexism and double standards and you wish you could cross it too.
3. The bridge is safe for both of you and so only fear has held you back from crossing it. Him walking across it fearlessly first could feel shameful to you left on solid ground still scared to cross.

I don't know what condition your particular bridge is in - there's all sorts of situational factors relating to career, relationships etc.

But regardless of its actual condition, I can see why watching him cross it is difficult. All of those possible scenarios are challenging in their own ways.

I recently expressed a mild science based defense of keeping women's sports female only to keep sport fair when it was discussed in a local social group chat.

I don't know if there will be negative consequences of that (some are vocally #bekind and act as if they assume everyone else is too) but I did feel better for it. A chunk of my discomfort was more about me keeping quiet rather than their reactions. I felt like I was a fraud and knew if the subject came up in person that I am a crappy liar and didn't want to be suddenly exposed and experience their hurt/anger or stay silent if it happened in person and betray myself. Now they know, and can choose to speak to me about it or not.

But I don't feel icky anymore for having secret forbidden wrong think thoughts. Because I (gently) stood up for my values (that females deserve competitive sports as much as male folk) I feel more comfortable with myself. If they were only friendly to me because they assumed I shared all their opinions then we're not the right people for each other. And that's okay.

I'm not saying things are as simple as that for you - careers, important relationships, safety etc are legitimate reasons to be cautious about this in the current climate. But in some circumstances, if you treat your opinions as worthy of respect, others may too - or you might care less what they think. The secretive thing is a hard place to be.

"You are suffering from the ‘Where were you in ‘82 when we were bottom of the league’ syndrome."
Ha, PersonaNonGarter, that's it exactly for me in respect to my partner! I've had to bite my tongue a lot when he's been helpfully telling me things that I've been concerned about since the 2015/2016 olympics committee rule change.

I am very pleased though that he does absolutely see what the issues are, and is happy to talk to people about them.

I've made a decision to not censor myself anymore. Sure, I won't go looking for conflict. I'll be selective who I open up to (as I learnt to do with Brexit). But if you can't be true to yourself, you're no good to anyone else.

This husband will also have to learn to know when to be discreet. But making a decision to come out of the locked cupboard and never return is both scary and liberating.

He is doing what all good men should be doing, standing up for their wives, daughters, mothers, sisters...
He's a bit clumsy and blundering in and might need a bit of a steer, esp point out the risks to you and to women and what women have lived through these past years.
This is good news, men are realising a bloody great war has been going on.
My partner (male) was similar and is apparantly the local pub 'terf' but at least all the pub now knows that transwomen are men wanting to be women not the other way round!

Tell your hubby to be a bit more careful about what he posts on SM especially Facebook if he works for local govt. I speak from bitter experience as I was hauled in once before management for "transphobic" comments I had made. I say absolutely nothing now that could be deemed controversial. The thing that really upset me was that it was someone who I would have considered to be a friend or someone I like who reported me as I am only friends on FB with people I have met irl.