A letter to Jeremy Vine

[Toseland]

Dear Jeremy,

I saw your video yesterday (sorry I can't find the link again) about shopping in the 70s with your mother and seeing a David Bowie album cover that blew your mind and informed your ideas around transgenderism.

I also had an experience in the 70s that informed my ideas.

I was 6, my Mum took my baby sister, my middle sister age 3 and me to the children’s play area in the big park in town.

We needed to use the toilet so my Mum put my youngest sister in the pram, my middle sister hopped on the footplate and I followed along to the toilet nearby.

We went into the toilets, 5 basins on the left, 5 cubicles on the right, one door in and out. 3 of the cubicles were closed, my Mum chose a cubicle at the far end, opened the door and put the pram in the entrance of that cubicle leaving the door open and turned to help my sister.

I went to a toilet and came out and washed my hands. I could hear some really strange noises, like grunting, panting and rustling, coming from one of the closed cubicles, I’d never heard a noise like that before and I was wary and scared of what it was - I remember thinking that perhaps a strange wild animal was in the toilets with us?

I soon found out as the cubicle door behind me slammed open violently making us all jump and a huge man in garishly coloured high heels, fishnet stockings, a plastic mini skirt pulled up with something wet, dripping, dangling beneath it, an open shirt, a bra and a hairy chest with many necklaces and a funny lopsided wig, he grinned a big smile at me and winked, he stepped towards me and my Mum flew out of her cubicle and rushed up to me, spat on her hanky and grabbed my chin, pulling my face unusually roughly so that I was looking at her and not at the man, she proceeded to clean my face which was weird as I’d only washed it an hour before and she was acting really strange - I stared at her in confusion trying to work it all out, the man left and she said to me “stay away from men like that”.

It was only later, years later that I realised why my Mum was acting so weird that day and why I didn’t recognise her reaction - it was fear, she was absolutely terrified - I’d never seen my Mum frightened before so I didn’t know what it was.

As an adult I could see that she was trapped in a small space with 3 young girls with no way out and no way of fighting this man off and no idea if anyone would come into the toilets and rescue us. Trapped with a man who had already broken social rules. Trapped with a man who was intent on pleasuring himself. Trapped with a huge man grinning at her daughter.

I’m sorry this is long, it’s stayed with me and haunted me for nearly 50 years.

So that, Jeremy Vine, is why I don’t want men in women’s spaces.

What an absolute tosser Vine is.

What about BBC impartiality? How come he can clearly state, on the record, that he’s a “trans ally” - ie pro gender identity ideology and not face censure the way Jenni Murray did for her ST piece?

She was banned from covering the topic on air after that, because of her “bias”. So why aren’t the same restrictions placed on him?

for you, OP.

Exactly. I think Vine’s reaction was extraordinary, tbh. I mean, those of us who were around then didn’t have this reaction at all.

Yes, it was striking and iconic but not out of keeping with the times at all, and NO ONE ever thought he was female/a woman. He was a man wearing make up. That was the point.

These white, middle class, privately educated men like Vine and Izzard really do punch massively above their weight in terms of the platform they’re afforded, and seem to be quite breathtakingly blind to their own quite serious limitations.

"It completely threw me, because his name is David, and on the front of that [the record] he's female".

I wish he explained what he meant by "he's female". Here's the picture - does he mean wearing eye shadow/lipstick? Having blonde hair? Is that what female means to him?

I'd be wondering how he manages in day to day life if he's so easily confused.

And interesting that he talks about coming from a middle class leafy village - it's these people who will never be in vulnerable situations, giving away the rights of those who will. Like women in shelters or prisons. It won't happen to him.

I have an 8 year old boy (my 3rd 8 year old boy) and none of them has been alone in the men's at that age. No woman in the toilets would expect you to send them in the men's surely? Have you experienced that??

My swimming pool has signs on the changing room doors saying opposite sex children are only allowed in with parents until they turn 8.

But they are open changing rooms.

They have separate big family cubicles so it’s not an issue, and swimming lesson kids often just chuck a onesie on and shower at home.

Toilets are a bit less strict but 8 has always been the standard age cut off.

Trying to remember what I did with my boy but it’s so long ago - I was a single mum when he was that age too so I must’ve had workarounds - probably going to cafes with single user loos (Costa style) or if no other options getting a staff member to check the gents was empty and then standing guard at the main door until he came out.

I have found that no one says no to letting your kid use the loo without buying something as long as you ask politely, even pubs with ‘toilets for customers only’ will waive that for a kid.

This was mid 2000s and I would imagine there are more family friendly facilities nowadays?