Is there a law regarding headstones and what to be buried in?

[Shalh]

Strange one, but I have seen many comments on tiktok regarding the passing of a transchild recently and many comments about the child 'being buried in a suit and having dead name on the headstone'

And lots of outrage. From what I could see this child's parents seemed very supportive of the choices made so I can't see why they would be forced to use a suit. I can see the name thing if not legally changed.

Also lots of Americans crying on splitscreens saying things like 'we should have saved you'

I don't usually do tiktok but they were sent to me during a discussion. Is this normal for that platform?

But it seems to me that yet again some are missing the point of death certificates and names and paper trails generally. It is not about 'validation'. They need to match up. We need to know that Elizabeth Jones who died on 30th March 1978 is the same person who was born Elizabeth Smith on 18th April 1900 and married George Jones on 1st September 1925. This stuff is important to keep track of. Any other way lies chaos.

This.

I know rules are made to be broken but individual churches / cemeteries have their own standards.
Spike Milligan wasn't allowed to have :
I Told You I Was Sick
On his headstone. It was inscribed in Irish as a compromise.

I don’t think this was done at any of the funerals I have been closely involved with in the last 2 years. They were all cremations, as with 75% of funerals in the U.K - I don’t know if that makes a difference.

Interestingly, around 2018, the family of an Irish woman had to go to an ecclesiastical court to get inscription in Irish on her gravestone in St Giles church near Coventry. The C of E first refused to do it without an English translation alongside, saying that it was a problem as it would be not be intelligible to most people. Apparently there are inscriptions in other languages without translation in the graveyard. Also, a precedent of an inscription in Welsh elsewhere was given by the family. The C of E then said that an inscription in Irish could be seen as a political statement and it's presence could be 'misunderstood'. Presumably he was insinuating that the Irish language could be associated with terrorism. There will be an English translation, but in the parish register rather than on the grave itself; I presume to put people's mind to rest as to the meaning of the epitaph.

Spike Milligan's grave (as being without English translation) was mentioned in the case.

www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/25/coventry-family-overturns-ban-on-gaelic-wording-on-gravestone

The church minister has to sign off on the headstone inscription. It can't be done until many months after the burial, so there will be time to work it out.

A lot of people get more angry about something they've totally made up than trans people actually getting murdered. Mainstream "trans rights" doesn't actually care about trans people.

A child is dead and it's beyond ghoulish that people are jumping on this to make a point. There's absolutely nothing to stop the parents putting whatever they want on the gravestone and I think we have to assume they're dealing with a tragic situation the best they can

the parents should put together they want on the headstone, it's there mostly for their comfort. in their shoes I'd probably take the wishes of the deceased into account, though I would probably be influenced by the fact that I'd known them as a boy for at least fifteen and a half years followed by six months or so as a girl.

birth and death certificates, crime statistics, etc are another issue, in those cases telling the truth about sex really matters.

Only for a churchyard. Most cemeteries are not churchyards. And they may decide to cremate or a natural cemetery which doesn’t have gravestones.

India willoughby is gruesome and using this to incite more hatred again JKR and others on Twitter

at the end of the day no deceased child gets to choose what goes on their headstone or what their parent dresses them in. So why would a trans child? If the parents are supportive they will of course put “beloved daughter” or something. There isn’t a lot of room on headstones anyway by the time you leave room for other names and many don’t put anymore than name and date of death.

Adults can leave guidance in their wills but even

none of this is an argument for widespread self ID where trans people get access to women spaces no matter how much India bleats.

I think this is where a gap before buying the headstone would make a difference. Once the immediate grief had past and you can remember their whole life and your 16 years together, I think I would want to reflect that whole life not just the last few months. And that might be ‘child’ and ‘also known as’.

that makes sense to me, eg 'here lies beloved child girl's name-surname, also known from 2006-2021 as boy's name-surname', something like that.

Married women's headstones sometimes have née and in the 18th and 19th centuries had 'alias' for names before marriage. Surnames not personal names, but still a protocol.

It's the least important thing about this horrible tragedy with a child dead, another child seriously injured, and two more children facing years in prison. Unthinkable devastation.

India willoughby is gruesome and using this to incite more hatred again JKR and others on Twitter

I thought my opinion of IW couldn't get any lower until yesterday. And India is certainly not the only one. I've never seen such vile, twisted thinking on Twitter.

I hope Brianna's family are able to commemorate their child however they see fit. That is what matters.

Thought I would have a look to see how common stabbing of teenagers are.
It is shockingly frequent. Just quickly looking newspaper reports over the last six months where the stabbing victim was a teenager I found the following, my thoughts are with the families of those who died:

21 Sept 22: Khayri McLean (15) Huddersfield - died
28 Sept 22: boy (17) Coventry
12 Oct 22: boy (17) Feltham - survived
18 Oct 22: man (19) Edinburgh - survived
26 Oct 22: Luke O’Connor (19) Manchester - died
12 Nov 22: teenager, York
19 Nov 22: Jesse Nwokejiobi (17) Cambridge - died
22 Nov 22: Kyle Hackland (17) Withington - died
26 Nov 22: Charlie Bartolo (16) London - died
26 Nov 22: Kearne Solanke (16) London - died
4 Dec 22: Owen Dunn (18) Swindon - died
6 Dec 22: man (19) Garston - survived
7 Dec 22: Jack Lowe (18) Wednesbury - died
12 Dec 22: boy (15) Potters Bar - survived
20 Dec 22: Jamaly Samba Baibu (16) - died, another 16 year old boy was also stabbed and survived.
1 Jan 23: boy (15) Royal Wootton Bassett - survived
1 Jan 23: man (18) West Dulwich - critical
2 Jan 23: boy (15) Sutton Coldfield - survived
6 Jan 23: teenage boy, Laindon - life-changing injuries
9 Jan 23: Harley Barfield (16) Haverhill - died
10 Jan 23: boy (15) East London - survived
11 Jan 23: teenager, Barking - survived
11 Jan 23: boy (14) Barnet - survived
14 Jan 23: two teenage boys, Harrow - survived
17 Jan 23: Raymond James Quigley (18) Ipswich - died
18 Jan 23: boy (15) Leeds - survived
18 Jan 23: boy (13) Birmingham
22 Jan 23: man (19) Manchester - died
27 Jan 23: man (18) Leeds - survived
27 Jan 23: Holly Newton (15) Hexham - died, boy (16) survived
31 Jan 23: Ashley Wadsworth (19), Chelmsford - died
6 Feb 23: boy (15) Nottingham - survived
9 Feb 23: teenage boy, Herne Bay - survived
11 Feb 23: Brianna Ghey (16) Warrington - died
11 Feb 23: Boy (16) Chelmsford - died
12 Feb 23: man (19) Bury - survived
12 Feb 23: man (18) Edinburgh - died
12 Feb 23: man (18) Armagh - survived
13 Feb 23: man (19) Hackney- critical condition, also boy (15)
13 Feb 23: teenager, Belfast

That's appalling. Poor Brianna wasn't even unusually young.

A 16 year old boy died from a knife wound in my neighbourhood a year ago and no one has been charged yet.

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/its-been-year-kennie-carter-26043795

To lose one’s child to violent crime is truly awful.

That is utterly shocking.

Do all stabbings which result in death get reported in the news? I did see an a news report yesterday on Brianna Ghey, but I don't remember anything on the stabbing of the 16 year old boy in Chelmsford on the same day.

Maybe it is if they want to appeal for witnesses.

I saw someone posting this on Linkedin, I thought it was almost certainly rubbish.

Nothing to to stop Brianna's parents saying our much loved daughter if that's what they wanted to say. Or just much loved child.

At the very least they could say (original birth name) known as Brianna.

As a pp said, it's shocking that someone has to bury their child at all. That is what matters.

A lot of the above reports were in local newspapers. I am sure there were more I didn’t spot. The young lad in Chelmsford did appear in a few news reports. An 18 year old has been arrested so perhaps there wasn’t a need for a public appeal for evidence? I couldn’t find his name released anywhere yet which I suspect is significant - the family may have requested privacy.

But it often seems to be the case that national news channels find some deaths more ‘newsworthy’ than others.

This is current and the lady is very close to where I live:

www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/wallsend-stab-victims-mum-welcomes-26238255

Courts are getting guidelines for dealing with businesses and individuals that sell knives to kids for the first time today. In what has been hailed as a step forward in the fight against the country's deadly blade epidemic the Sentencing Council has today published guidelines which could see large organisations fined up to £1m if they fail to ensure blades are not sold to under 18s.

I suppose every little helps, although every household has at least one sharp knife.

The lad in Chelmsford who was killed on Saturday has been named as Andy Wood. On the local BBC page only (Brianna is still on the front page).

Some I missed:
16 seriously injured and one dead from stabbing sin Manchester so far this year (including a 14 year old girl in school)
www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/yousef-makkis-family-call-action-26229025