Your child isn't trans, she's just a tomboy

[Birdsweepsin]

Mary Wakefield in the Spectator

www.spectator.co.uk/article/dont-medicalise-tomboys/#Echobox=1674450150

At no other point in history would the existence of a boyish girl have raised the idea that she might actually be a boy in some metaphysical sense. But because we’ve been marinating, for a decade, in the glutinous language of critical gender theory, it’s become normal to think a boyish girl or a girlish boy needs treatment.

"And as long as clothing is appropriate for the environment, whether or not it’s sexually revealing or provocative has nothing to do with it."

Something being sexually revealing or provocative is directly relevant to whether it is appropriate for an environment IMO.

Actually my dd did want to be a boy when she was smaller-say, under 8. Wouldn't consider a dress. It never came up again by the time she was post puberty, though. And she couldn't look less like one these days.

Having lived in the USA and having been a keen observer of their culture, I see this as just another facet of their rather odd way of having to classify everything. You see it in the terms boomers, Karens, Gen Xers, the list goes on and on. I think it is an obsession of theirs as they (at least in the corporate world) see it as a way of classifying a person which then makes them easier to sell things to i.e. you're a boomer who votes x therefore you will be interested/buy product y.

Having heard American friends come up with the most ridiculous explanations for their racial/family history then the new bonkers gender stuff doesn't seem so crazy. For example, I had a room mate who said that he looked German, his brother looked Danish and his sister looked Russian (all part of their family history).

Once you understand this tortuous classification system and the American desire to ALWAYS appear under a particular heading then it makes a lot more sense regarding why this insanity is happening.

TBF, I think in most cases where it has got as far as medical intervention being considered by the parents, it's going to be rather more than 'being a tomboy'.

Of course simplistic media accounts of trans kids is going to make the skeptical respond 'Oh my God, they're transing their child just because he like playing with dolls/she liked rugby' or whatever when it's always going to be a lot deeper and complex than that when parents are prepared to consider it, but prioritising the former is always an easier narrative in the media. I don't think even the most progressive parents are ever jumping for joy at the possibility of hormones etc; whole I'm sure one might find outliers, I genuinely don't think parents are rushing to 'trans' their kids.

The vast majority of the current young 'trans boys' will not go anywhere near medical treatment and will desist after a few years, I think everyone is rather overthinking the whole thing (kids included!)

Especially when sporting an erection through said clothing.
In public.

I do believe there was a young male Democrat politician who was :very happy" to be given the only female spot in an upcoming election. Definitely " euphoric".

I was very opposed to dresses and "be a nice girl" behavior when I was 9,10,11 and 12. For two years during puberty I had "authority" issues per my teachers.
My male cousin had all the fun and I was intent on playing with him. My sister even more so was like this. She insisted on short hair for most of her childhood and is very athletic. Oddly, for a few years around age 12, I assumed I was gay because boys didn't want to date me. I'm not, but this just shows how little tweens understand sexual relationships. To think kids can easily separate stereotypes from personalities is very naive.

My sister and I both have beautiful children we birthed and breastfed. I have enjoyed (still do) a healthy sex life. Pretty sure my sister would say the same for herself. These things wouldn't be true were we growing up today, I don't doubt. Back then, no one questioned if we were boys. No one suggested we were non-binary. Imagine how that would have damaged us and destroyed our future.

Also, my mother never once said we were tomboys. And she never thought there was something wrong with us (though I did get some talking to about respecting teachers). While I agree with this article, "tomboy" is also regressive. If a girl is doing something, it's girlhood.

Women never used to care that we couldn't tell the difference between genuine gender dysphoric transwomen and men with AGP (the part time erotic cross dresser) because these people never used to aggressively demand access to women's spaces to such an extent.
This is literally a brand new thing.

AGPs would never have dreampt of the opportunity 5-10 years ago.

Now, suddenly women need to start saying "hang on a minute" ... It's no wonder AGP needs to be mentioned on an unfortunately regular basis. It's really not our fault!

I do believe TRAism went too far when it started to inject children with irreversible drugs. That's just not on. The article is great.

Mary Wakefield is Dominic Cummins’ wife. They have an autistic child.

This, and the article in the Telegraph by Nick Timothy, former advisor to Theresa May.

The Tory political class seem to be finally getting it. Some congratulations due to The Conservatives for Women lobby group. Now let’s hope more of the Labour, LibDem and SNP political establishment will raise their heads above the parapet. They can’t all be ignorant of both biology and safeguarding. The next election is there for Keir to lose. He seems to be making every effort to hand the Tories an open goal.

From what I can tell from some mums around me, if your daughter is a trans boy, that makes you a special class of mother, far superior to mothers of either girls or boys. They're more enlightened than normal mums, often via education from their offspring, and the likes of me with a DS and DD can never appreciate the specialness of having two daughters, one of whom is now to be referred to as a son.

These mothers are middle/upper middle class, have degrees - some have masters and PhDs.

They also like to talk about their TRANS child in public, loud enough so everybody else knows they're the MOTHER OF A TRANS CHILD.

The only way I can describe what's happened is that it's FAR easier to become a "special mum" than it is to admit your child is traumatised. The mother I know really well is in denial about her second daughter's vicarious trauma (older sister experienced the traumatic events). We talk about therapy for the children, and I think that's important, but there's probably a fair number of parents who would benefit from examining themselves a little closer, before riding on the coattails of their daughter's pain (not all, btw, but definitely some).

Reading The Famous Five at the moment. Despite her wanting to be called George not Georgina and wanting be 'boyish' eg. outdoorsy, loves her dog, not into dolls or dresses, George is a girl. She would have been thoroughly shoved down the trans-skelter if she was around now, instead of just being allowed to be herself.

So true. I was something of a tomboy, and definitely not a "girly girl" - George was much my favourite character in The Famous Five! I have thought more than once that if I were 40+ years younger I could have easily been sucked into the trans "craze".

Reading to dd7 I should have said!!

I think some parents like the kudos of having a “more interesting” child. I can see that with some parents I know.

If men and boys want to wear feminine clothes there are lots of ways of doing this without looking like a fetishist.

Precisely - look at Harry Styles who has this down to a fine art, even David Beckham had a shot at this. Compare this to the late, great Kenny Everett who clearly loved the drama but it could well have been a fetish. Not sure what to say about drag queens...

I was a tomboy and loved getting involved in my brothers stuff (who had no interest in mine). Mainly because it encouraged using my brain and also because I cottoned on that it got my parents attention and they were much more likely to engage with me if I was cycling and building stuff with lego etc then playing with dolls and toy kitchen sets. At no point did I think or want to be a boy.

@MNHQ Why was my comment deleted? I was sharing my very real concern about my daughter being told by others she is trans simply because she wears her hair short and is interested in STEM subjects.

I was a tomboy (still am, probably) but am thoroughly heterosexual and never wanted to be a boy. Oh, except when I wanted to join the Royal Navy and drive a frigate... Wrens could only type and serve in the wardroom then.

Seems like Dr Google tiktok has made the acquaintance of helicopter and performance parenting.

The only way I can describe what's happened is that it's FAR easier to become a "special mum" than it is to admit your child is traumatised.

David Bell spoke of this in the Dysphoric documentary. Reposting my transcript from this thread:

... the centrality of guilt - that any child who has real mental suffering, parents who are reasonably in touch, feel terrible! And they feel responsible.

And they can't be completely non-responsible either.

You know, you can't say to parents: "Oh no, no, no, it's nothing to do with you". But you can help families try to understand how things have got to this place.

So parents who feel very guilty, I think sometimes, if the child said... if all the difficulties get reprogrammed through the prism of gender - so now everything is gender. It's not depression, it's not autism, it's not trauma in the past that the family may feel guilty about. It's gender. And that's a completely separate thing.

That has a consequence of relieving the parents of guilt. So the parents may even join up and say: "yes, we support you in being trans" for unconscious reasons. Not because they're bad people, but for reasons they themselves don't understand.

But again, the services don't question that. And the parents who do question it, may have real concerns, are othered. So these tyrannical organisations, which do not see themselves as tyrannical, are to some extent unwittingly exploiting the vulnerability of parents.

Yup

Some of us don't feel special at all, thanks. Some of us are desperately worried about our daughters and hoping they get out of this unharmed.

I have friends just like you and no, they aren't parading this as a wonderful thing to celebrate.

But there is a contingent of moms of younger kids especially who seem like they're bragging or claiming their child is oh so more special than others. I have seen 2 very different kinds of parents. And I'm smack in the middle of this due to my kids ages and our very progressive community. The bragging moms of trans kids DOMINATE all social and school events, and scold the parents who truly terrified for their children.

I'm not denying they exist I just needed to say we aren't all like that. Same with autism.

It does, but I'd still love to go back to it rather than the situation now, if I am honest. I have a lot of masculine presenting women as friends and as my partner. Were they young now, they'd probably be told they were trans/boys. It makes my blood boil.